Endings

All my darkened, soulless kin
Have many endings waiting to begin


Things haven't gotten better since I wrote on Thursday. I talked to Chi for a long time though, and it felt good to just talk and talk and talk. I said something that she really liked and posted in her blog:

=="why is it that sometimes things go really well, and other times they fall apart at the seams, and you fell like you're going to fall through the net that is your life, holding you in place. and sometimes you do fall though, into the scary darkness where nothing is and you're all alone, even if other people are there. and then there's only one person who can pull you back out, but you never know who it is. and you've already done it once. but now i'm there again and it's the same scary nothingness. how can nothing be scary?"
I just really love that how LinZ wrote that. . .Can seriously connect to it.==

It feels good to have her here for me. I don't know what I'll do while she's gone to NJ. And to think that she was going to move there! What would I have done then?

6.17.04 - A Situation Explained
I never really wrote anything that had to do much with my 3 Years couplet. I mean, I touched on it in 'And the beat goes on' but I think that still left everyone in the dark, except maybe Chi. So I'll tell you what I'm comfortable explaining, anything that isn't private.
Basically I'm just having relationship issues. And I don't mean just with Ryan, I mean with everyone. No one seems to think about me anymore, and I'm tired of putting all the work into every friendship I have. So I've cut myself off from everyone, to see if they'll ever ask what's wrong, or try to figure out why I've suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth. So far, no one has called or e-mail me asking me what's up, including my former best friend and my former friend who blew me off and then never explained why or said sorry. The only people who even wished me a happy birthday on my birthday were people at school. And I think most of them didn't even care, they just did it to be polite. I hate everyone lying and pretending to be my friend when they're really not. I think it would be easier for everyone if you all just gave up and came clean and then left me alone. If you really want to be friends with me, SHOW IT. Apparently I'm stupid because I've only seen about 4 people who have shown any signs of caring about me. And that's very depressing. So if any of you have been wondering why I've been depressed lately (not that you would have noticed), now you know.

Well I have to go for now, because I have a dance recital today and I have to leave in less than an hour. But feel free to call if you'd like to discuss the above accusations I've just made.

Chi, I love you. Thanks for everything.