Sacrafice Theory

Hear one thousand screams. Hear one thousand voices.
A solitary echo.
Feel one thousand pains, but one is receiving a bloody invitation.
Do you want to feel the warmth? To taste the life flow?
Feel one thousand lost sinking into soft skin.
Ingest rejuvenation. One to consume, one to renew.
Demanded invitation.
I offer grace, I offer blood. I offer everything till my heart is crystal clear.
Do you want to feel the warmth? To taste the life?
I want to taste the life to taste the life flow.
~*~AFI " Sacrafice Theory"

That was the song I wanted to post yesterday, but then I got kicked of by my dad. So I shall discuss today that which was meant for yesterday. Perhaps this shall reveal itsef as a mistake. But I must proceed as otherwise known.

Reflecting on sacrafices. We all sacrafice things for people, and sometimes without knowing it, for ourselves, in order to make ourselves more. Sometimes we sacrafice who we are, to be something else that we are not, at first. This may be just a false pretense in the face of society, or it may truly be a change. I know that personally, there is one part of me that hardly anyone know about. It has never ever surfaced yet, except in a dream, but it is lurking there, in my soul, and it is spreading it's virus throughout everything in my being. Perhaps I should not refer to it as a virus though, because it is not a bad thing. It is just something that is hard to come to terms with. I must try to be more open and gain support from my friends.

But who are friends really? When do you know that someone will honestly be around for you? How do you tell that your best friend is someone else that you don't even know anymore? My first best friend died when I was 12. Then I met someone else, and I didn't know her at all, but she reminded me so much of what I had lost that I didn't want to let go. And now I face the fact that I sacraficed her in place of growing up. I never meant to... And now I feel like it's my fault...

I am sacraficing who I am to try and have some friends who will respect me, or rather, someone who is almost me. I know there are people who cannot accept who I truly am. I feel greatly sorrowful about this, but I cannot change myself. I won't sacrafice my free spirit for a tied down body who is friends with lots of other bodies. If everyone was accepted as themselves, the world would be a better place. But morals, politics, religion, and other values rip that away. I can't tell you all the things I know and all the things I hope for. But I can tell you there is so much more...

I've lost so much now, that I regret everyday, and gained things that in the end I realize weren't worth it at all. What can I do to change that? I am powerless, except over myself. And I will not change that. But please, I want to be who I am. And I want you all to know who I am and accept it. Because I don't like hiding in the shadows, playing with fire to light the dark.