Will I?

Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
~*~ RENT "Will I?"

I'm going to post a million songs from Rent over the next week or so. On Thursday I went to the library to pick up some stuff I had requested online from other libraries. I got the Rent soundtrack and the libretto. It's an interesting book with all the nerdy behind the scenes stuff that i obsess over. What can I say? That's what I want to do... perform. Well I haven't posted since Wednesday, so I'll get to work. I have so much to type!

Thursday got pissed of at my friend because I was supposed to come over after she did her homework, but then her homework was hard, so she decided to take a break, and not let me know I couldn't come over. That was a ridiculously long sentence. Hmh.

So I wrote poetry.

Friday my dad left for Florida to see his mom. Tuesday's her 80th, and there was a luncheon on Saturday. My mom had to drive him to the airport and my brother went to a friend's house, so I was home alone for 4 hours. I had so much fun. I put my Rent CD in the DVD player and turned on the speakers loud enough so I could hear it anywhere in the house. Then I just danced. I danced like there was no tomorrow. Pretty much for 4 hours straight. I didn't think about anything, I just threw myself into the music and acted completely... free. I just did whatever I felt like, not worrying if anyone would see me, because they wouldn't. I spun around in circles until I fell down, and I jumped on furniture and sung as lound as I could even though I can't sing. It was the greatest time I'd had at home in a long time.

Saturday my mom had her breakfast bee - 3 of her friends come over and they sew. I got to spend 3 hours watching Gabbi, a 4 year old, for no pay, to keep her out of their hair. Gabbi's adorable, but I can only stand so many "mosquito bites" (poking me over and over again). Then after that I went to a fabric store with them to get more fabric for my quilt. I hung out at home for a few hours, and then I babysat Brianna, my youth group leader's daughter, from about 7 to past midnight. That was pretty fun actually. I like Brianna. She's a cool kid. But I got really tired, so I was glad when she left and I could go to sleep.

Today I slept in until about 10, and then did yoga while my brother was sleeping and my mom was at church. I much prefer doing yoga when no one is home, because it's quieter. (I did yoga during my 4 hours on Friday). I've been doing yoga every day pretty much. I think it's helping me feel better. Although that could also be because of the Rent CD. I love that thing. But I digress. Went to FT today to see the new wing that my brother gets. It's not fucking fair. It's so nice. Sam's always the one getting the new stuff... But I did get to see Skocz, so that was cool. Earlier this evening, my mom, Sam, and I went and played tennis for a while, because my mom wanted us to get out of the house for a while. It was actually kind of fun.

Anyway. So now you're all caught up. I'm going to post all the poems I've been writing, plus a Rent song or two. Maybe tonight I'll just give you the synopsis and start songs tomorrow. We'll see.

Fallin Asleep
Tonight I'm fallin asleep to the sound of the rain
And tomorrow will be a new day
Maybe that will be the day

Tonight I'm fallin asleep to the mem'ry of you
I'm thinkin of all the things you've said
Maybe tomorrow you'll hold me forever

Tonight I'm fallin asleep wond'rin where I'll be
This time next week
Maybe something will have changed

Tonight I'm fallin asleep wond'rin what it is you think I truly am
Cause things are not always what they seem
Maybe tomorrow you'll know the truth
--8/18/04

Drive - By
Listening to the music
Dancing in my room
Alone in my room
On stage in front of thousands

My hair in my face
Not thinking about anything
Having fun like there's no tomorrow
Every day of the future

Shedding all insecurities
Can't remember when I felt this good before
Free of thoughts and worries
Completely trapped in my head
--8/19/04

Flashes
Can't help but dance
Gotta get up and dance
The music in my blood
Says don't think
Just go crazy

Don't know what I'm doing
But it's tons of fun
Who know when I'll stand to stop

One more time
Play it agian
I just can't get enough of
Anything anymore

One song
One song
That's all it takes

One song
One song
To stop my heart from breaking
--8/19/04

Working 24/7: Futile
Why is it always me doing all the work?
You never thing of anyhting
Except yourself

I'm always the one playing contact
Friendship shouldn't be so much work
For just me

Who told you that this is how it works?
That you never have to tell me
Anything

What makes you think that I will sit around at home
Whaiting for you to call
Not me

I make the plans and then you go back on your word
All you have to do is follow through but it's too much
Work for you
--8/20/04

Okay I don't have time to explain the story of Rent tonight, because I have to be offline in 15 minutes, so I'm just going to post one song right now. To let you know - this song takes place during a memorial service, and I wanted to post it because it made me cry today, and I was feeling pretty depressed. Not that I want you all to feel depressed. But anyway.

I'll Cover You (Reprise)
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back with 1000 kisses
Be my lover
And I'll cover you

Open your door - I'll be your tenant
Don't got much bagage
To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there - I'll cover you

I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you were, my love, on life

All my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true
As this is

(So with a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
If you're cold and you're lonely
(With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
You've got one nickel only
(With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
When you're worn out and tired
(With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
When your heart has expired

525, 600 minutes
525,600 moments so dear
525,600 - measure a year
Oh lover, I'll cover you
Oh lover, I'll cover you
Oh lover

I'll cover you

525,600 minutes
525, 600 seasons of love

I'll cover you

That reprise is kind of a mix of a few songs, but I like it alot. You'll get to see each of them seperately too. Lots of comments please! I really want to know what you all think about my poems and the song. Even if you don't comment on that (grrr) just let me know you're reading. *Dances away, listening to 'Tango: Maureen' from RENT on her CD player*