Summer, Highland Falls

They say that these are not the best of times
But they're the only times I've ever known
And I believe there is a time for meditation
In cathedrals of our own
Now, I have seen the sad surrender in my lover's eyes
I can only stand apart and sympathize
For we are always what our situations hand us
It's either sadness or euphoria
~*~"Summer, Highland Falls" Movin' Out

It's been less than 3 days since I've written, and yet things are so different from what they were on Thursday, and at the same time they are all exactly the same. What I can see now that I couldn't see before is that it's all in what I think it is. Nothing is real. I make it what I make it, and that is what it is. So for all of you who are wondering, that is what I have been doing this weekend. So if I have a strange conversation with you in the near future, it's only strange because that's the way you see it - because it's not what you're used to. That's okay. You don't have to get it, if you can just accept it and support me in being me.

What I've done this weekend is take a magic eraser and erase all the things I didn't like about my life. I gained the power to create whatever I want, or rather I became aware of the power that was always there. Some of you may be really skeptical, and I understand that. I get it. All I can say is that this was an amazing experience that I hope you all can have. Come do the Landmark Teen Forum which is what I did this weekend.

I have to recognize Molly and Alonzo for coming today and supporting me and seeing what I've been doing all weekend, instead of going to the movies or being on the phone. Molly got up early enough so that my mom and I could pick her up at 7 this morning and drive her downtown with us. She then spent several hours by herself in a strange building, with nothing to do except whatever she brought. Then they went back home and got Alonzo, where they then hung out at my house (without me there, mind you), not complaining about the wierdness of the situation. They then came back to the building and sat through some boring coaching sesison for parents, because the people there told them to go. But in the end, they were there for me, so that I knew I had their support and love. So thanks guys, for all you put of with today.

Also I want to let you all know that I called and talked to Shannon today - really talked to her - for the first time since she moved away about 2 years ago. Most of you know what a big deal that was for me. I'm reopening and regaining all the relationships I always wanted. I'm creating all these things for myself. And guess what - I'm a Broadway star. I may not be on Broadway, but I am already a Broadway star, because that is what I have chosen to be. And you guys may think that's all bull shit, a bunch of nonsense, that in a week I'll be like, I was crazy, life sucks. Well if I'm saying that, make sure I tell myself that I'm an idiot, because if I feel that way, it's my own fault. That's what I'm making it. And if you don't like my new attitude, up yours. You don't have to. But don't get pissy at me for it. Cause I love you all, and I honestly mean it.

Finally I have to do something I don't do often enough, or really at all. I have to say thank you to my parents and my brother for all that they do for me. I'm not nice to my brother nearly as much as I could be. There's no reason for me to not like him, or be mean to him. I know that now, and it's all going to be better. My parents too put up with all my crap. And for a while now, my mom has been able to really see what I was doing, because she took the forum. The difference now is that so have I, and I too can see what I'm going, and I'm committed to transforming that, taking charge of it. And added on to that - thanks to Nona for kicking this all off, and being one of my other moms. You go girl.

On an extenden family note, I want to thank Leslie, because she's been such a positive impact on my life even though we're 900 miles apart. That's nothing when you've got love (and a hot 41 year old man). So Leslie, thank you for all you've done for me. I always thought it was wierd how we related to eachother so well, with the age difference. But I see now that age is all in your head... I can really get that you helped me through when some times really sucked. And the 2 times I was at your house, for those almost 2 weeks, were 2 of the best weeks of my life. So thank you.

Oh one more thing I want to mention. Then I got to go, because I'm tired, it's late, and I'm getting up early to go exercise tomorrow. Anyway. What I want to say is thank you to all of the people who were in the forum with me. I especially have to thank Nia, Sierra, Jason, Scott, Sabrina, Nikole, Megan, Cody (even you), Joey, Spencer, Jenny and Stephanie, Jerod and Jarret, all of you guys kick major ass. Thanks so much for all of your sharing and for those of you that I named that I talked to, thank you even more. That goes a million times more for Jason and Sierra, who I don't think even know what they did for me. I hope when I get in touch with them again, (and I know I have the means to do that), that I can really get that to them. ::cyber hugs:: hope you guys get that. i know you will.

{And I'd like to thank the Academy... thank you and goodnight. lol}

Okay well you've all had enough for one night, I'm sure. So please please comment, because my new life is all about communication.

Love to all cause love is good! (I finally understand what that means!)