Voice Mail #5

ROGER & MARK'S VOICE
"Speak..." (beep)

ROGER'S MOTHER
Roger
This is your mother
Roger, honey I don't get these postcards
"Moving to Santa Fe"
"Back in New York
Starting a rock band"
Roger, where are you? Please call

MIMI'S MOTHER
Mimi, chica, donde esta?
Tu mama esta yamando
Donde estas Mimi call

MR. JEFFERSON
Kittern - whereever are you - call

MRS. COHEN
Mark - are you there - are you there
I don't know if he's there
We're all here wishing you were here too
Where are you Mark are you there are
You where are you
Mark - are you there - are you there
I don't know if please call your mother
~*~"Voice Mail #5" RENT

This is post 81! How exciting. Ok, not really. But I just wanted to keep track of how many posts I had. Merry Christmas everyone! (And Christma-Hannu-kwanzaa-kah-yule, for you festive holiday people like me)

Hope you all got cool presents for whatever holiday you celebrate. I miss you all lots! South Dakota isn't at all exiting. As always. We're leaving either tomorrow or Monday though. So it's all good, I guess. Earlier I thought of something I wanted to say, but now I forgot. I'll post again later if I remember, I guess.

Love to all, cause love is good!

What You Own

ROGER
Just tighten those shoulders

MARK
Just clench your jaw till you frown

ROGER
Just don't let go

BOTH
Or you may drown
You're living in America
At the end of the millenium
You're living in America
Where it's like the Twilight Zone

And when you're living in America
At the end of the millenium
You're what you own

So I own not a notion
I escape and ape content
I don't own emotion - I rent

MARK
What was it about that night

ROGER
What was it about that night

BOTH
Connection - in an isolating age
~*~"What You Own" RENT

Okay so no more of those crazy long songs! hah! um... yeah. BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!! People send me e-mails or something I have nothing to do out here... Blah. Can't wait to get home and back to my life. Hmmm. I have nothing to write about. what else is new? Maybe I'll go to bed! *gasp* very well then. comment and i'll post something interersting! somehow... I'll find something!

Goodbye Love

MIMI
It's true you sold your guitar and
Bought a car?

ROGER
It's true - I'm leaving now for Santa Fe
It's true you're with this yuppie scum?

BENNY
You said you'd never speak to him again

MIMI
Not now

MAUREEN
Who said that you have any say
In who she says things to at all?

ROGER
Yeah!

JOANNE
Who said that you should stick your
Nose in other people's...

MAUREEN
Who said I was talking to you?

JOANNE
We used to have this
Fight each night
She'd never admit
I existed

MIMI
He was the same way - He was always
"Run away - hit the road
Don't commit" - You're full of shit

JOANNE
She's in denial

MIMI
He's in denial

JOANNE
Didn't give an inch
When I gave a mile

MIMI
I gave a mile

ROGER
Gave a mile to who?

MARK
Come on guys, chill!

MIMI & JOANNE
I'd be happy to die for a taste
Of what Angel had
Some one to live for - unafraid
To say I love you

ROGER
All your words are nice Mimi
But love's not a three way street
You'll never share real love
Until you love yourself - I should know

COLLINS
You all said you'd be cool today
So please - for my sake

I can't believe he's gone
I can't believe you're going
I can't believe this family must die

Angel helped us believe in love
I can't believe you disagree

ALL
I can't believe this is goodbye

MARK
I hear there are great restaurants
Out west

ROGER
Some of the best.
How could she?

MARK
How could you let her go?

ROGER
I just don't know...
How could we lose Angel?

MARK
Maybe you'll see why when you stop
Escaping your pain
At least now if you try - Angel's death
Won't be in vain

ROGER
His death is in vain

MARK
Are you insane?
There's so much to care about
There's me - there's Mimi -

ROGER
Mimi's got her baggage too

MARK
So do you

ROGER
Who are you to tell me what I know
What to do?

MARK
A friend

ROGER
But who, Mark, are you?
"Mark has got his work"
They say "Mark lives for his work"
And "Mark's in love with his work"
Mark hides in his work

MARK
From what?

ROGER
From facing your failure, facing your
Lonliness
Facing the fact you live a lie
Yes, you live a lie - tell you why

You're always preaching not to be numb
But that's how you thrive
You pretend to create and observe when you really
Detatch from feeling alive

MARK
Perhaps it's because I'm the one of us
To survive

ROGER
Poor baby

MARK
Mimi still loves Roger
Is Roger really jealous
Or afraid that Mimi's weak

ROGER
Mimi did look pale

MARK
Mimi's gotten thin
Mimi's running out of time
Roger's running out the door

ROGER
No more! oh no!
I've gotta go

MARK
Hey, for somebody who's always been let down,
Who's heading out of town?

ROGER
For someone who longs for a community of his own,
Who's with his camera, alone?

I'll call
I hate the fall

You heard?

MIMI
Every word
You don't want baggage
Without lifetime guarantees

You don't want to watch me die
I just came to say goodbye love
Goodbye love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye

ROGER
Glory
One blaze of
Glory
I have to find

MIMI
Please don't touch me
Understand
I'm scared
I need to go away

MARK
I knw a plave - A clinic

Benny
A rehab?

MIMI
Maybe-- could you?

BENNY
I'll pay

MIMI
Goodbye love
Goodbye love
Came to say goodbye, love, goodbye

Just came to say
Goodbye, love
Goodbye, love
Goodbye, love
Hello, disease
~*~"Goodbye Love" RENT

Wow I didn't realize what a long song that was. Sorry guys. Anyway. Things are very... upside down I guess. I'm in South Dakota right now. Everybody else is upstairs. I'm hangin out down here for a little while. It's nice... I have a bedroom to myself in the basement. So if I want, I can go on in the middle of the night and no one will know. So maybe you'll all see me later. Right now I better go, because I'm not supposed to be on...

Love to all cause love is good!

Halloween

MARK
How did we get here
How the hell...
Pan left
Close on the steeple of the church
How did I get here
How the hell...
Christmas
Christmas Eve last year
How could a night so frozen
Be so scalding hot
How could a morning this mild
Be so raw
Why are entire years strewn on the cutting room floor of memory
When single frames of one magic night
Forever flicker in close up
On the 3-D imax of my mind
That's poetic
That's pathetic
Why did Mimi knock in Roger's door
And Collins choose that phone booth
Back where Angel set up his drums?
Why did Maureen's equipment break down?
Why am I the witness
And when I capture it on film
Will it mean that it's the end
And I'm alone?
~*~"Halloween" RENT

Counting down... 6 more to go! It would be nice if I could finish before the new year but we'll see how that goes. So here's what's up (since I haven't posted in 3 weeks):

1. I am in the midst of "A Year with Frog and Toad" and ITC... working backstage
2. Speech is taking up what's left of my life, practicing 2-3 days a week plus Saturday meets that last about 12 hours (yes 12, not 2).
3. Thrown in are the occasional dance class or drama class, when I can get to them
4. Oh yeah, then there's that thing called homework that my teachers expect me to have done every day. Hah! (Yeah well, that's what music theatre class is for...)

Anybody see friends mentioned in there anywhere? Yeah me neither... Although i do get to see people at school, and some people at drama, dance, and speech. Then there's my F&T cast; they're some of the most awesome people ever. Here's a comprehensive (ish) look at my upcoming 3 weeks till the end of the year:

Tuesday, December 14, 2004: We have finals, so school gets out at 1:25. But I never leave then, right? So I have speech practice till 4. Then I'm actually home for a while (maybe) until dance at 7, home at 9:30

Wednesday, December 15, 2004: Again finals, and again speech. Then home for a while (maybe) until Frog and Toad at 7. I get home at 10.

Thursday, December 16, 2004: Again finals, and actually home after school ! But wait, I have a 1:45 ortho appointment. Then home (maybe) till drama at 4. Home at 6. Then back to the theatre for Frog and Toad at 7.

Friday, December 17, 2004: NO SCHOOL! But speech practice from 12-4 (maybe) and Frog and Toad from 7 to 10.

Saturday, December 18, 2004: Speech meet from 6-6. Off to ITC at 7 for Frog and Toad.

Sunday, December 19, 2004: Picking my sorry ass up and draging myself to church at 9, home at 12 (I got dragged into the Christmas pagaent... again). Then... gasp. ITC at 1:30 for Frog and Toad. Cast party in between shows, cause it's closing night. Another show at 7:30 (I would have to be there at 6:30). Home around 9:30.

Monday, December 20, 2004: Somewhere in the last week I must have packed, because we're leaving for South Dakota. Happy holidays.

Monday, December 27. 2004: We leave South Dakota, only 2 days after Christmas.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004: Home in time to leave again to go to a YRUU (youth group) sleepover at my church to plan for our CON!!!

Wednesday, December 29, 2004: SLEEP. And off to the chiropractor in the evening because my back is a MESS

Thursday, December 30, 2004: SLEEP (gasp - nothing else???) Oh no wait, I have a bio project I have to do at some point. This must be the day.

Friday, December 31, 2004: Must still be working on that bio project. And I've got a partay to go to in the evening cause it's New-Year's EVE!!! (I've got a song for that!)

And that's the whole year... Wow I can get a lot done when I'm not doing anything else. This only took half an hour. Now I'm going to watch Will & Grace.

I'll Cover You (Reprise)

COLLINS
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back with 1000 kisses
Be my lover
And I'll cover you

Open your door - I'll be your tenant
Don't got much bagage
To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there - I'll cover you

I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you were, my love, on life

All my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true
As this is

(So with a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
If you're cold and you're lonely
(With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
You've got one nickel only
(With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
When you're worn out and tired
(With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
When your heart has expired

525, 600 minutes
525,600 moments so dear
525,600 - measure a year
Oh lover, I'll cover you
Oh lover, I'll cover you
Oh lover

I'll cover you

525,600 minutes
525, 600 seasons of love

I'll cover you
~*~"I'll Cover You (Reprise)" RENT

Wow... These songs are taking forever to get through! Ahhhh! Anyway. On to other things, because I will not be spazmatic today. I don't have the energy.

Got home last night around 1 in the morning. The cast party was fun. It ended up being at Eddie's house instead of Eric's, but that was fine. Got to have a big group conversation about stuff with a lot of people. Kevin, Justine, Linda etc. were fun to be around, and I got to talk to people I hadn't really talked to during the show. Micheal didn't come to the cast party, but I did get to talk to him backstage, and that was good.

Today I went to church and we had soup kitchen!!! Wooo! Never underestimate the power of food to get people to come to things. I haven't seen that many people at church in a while. And then I got to go to my first congregational meeting, because I'm a member now! (woot woot) That was really fun, actually, because it went smoothly and only lasted 40 minutes. Unlike our infamous 4 hour meetings. So after that me and Mandy went and saw Finding Neverland. That movie puts a smile in my heart. So does Mandy. :)

Okay anyway. Gonna try and post at least a poem, because I need to go in 5 minutes, again.

Uprising
To stand for something
Is to be worth something
But what do I stand for?

I stand for equality
That I am afraid to defend

I stand for love
That I know nothing about

I stnad for peace
That I can not create

I stand for myself
That I am afraid to be.
--11.17.04

Closer Yet
I find it rather inconvenient
Falling in love with
Straight girls
Gay boys
What am I to do
So that I'm not
Left alone?
--11.17.04

Non-Existant Hallucinations
It's very lonely
In the silence
Waiting for the voices
That I know will come
Because I hate so much
To be alone that
I fabricate my life
With nonesistant
Hallucinations
If ever they were
To go away
I would be doomed
To insanity
If I'm not
Insane already
--11.18.04

Okay, going for now. Love to all cause love is good.

Contact

ANGEL
Take me
Take me
Take me
Today for you
Tomorrow for me
Today me
Tomorrow you
Tomorrow
You, love
You, love
You, love
I love you
I love you
Take me
Take me
I love you
~*~"Contact" RENT

So things have been interesting lately... So much going on. Had opening night of the play last night, and that went well... Closing night tonight! Trying to make sure all my speech stuff is memorized for the big SICA speech meet on Tuesday. I have a new job now at ITC, working backstage and stuff, so all details coming up in this issue of my blog! (too much coffee this morning)

Last night went well. Very well, I think. No big disasters. And afterwards almost the entire cast went out to eat at Baker's Square. Talked to Michael about some stuff... I rode in Eddie's car. It was fun. lol. Didn't get home till about 12:30 and went to bed at 2.

Tonight there's a cast party after the show at Eric's house. That shall be much fun also. I think just about everybody is going to that too. More about that after it's happened.

Still working on getting my OO memorized properly. Hadn't been doing so because Morain was supposed to help me rewrite it and that didn't happen. Oh well. Things are going okay, I think.

And yeah, now I'm working backstage for "A Year With Frog and Toad" at ITC. I have to do some puppet work, and help out with props and costumes and stuff, so from now until December 19th I have no life because I will be at rehearsal almost every day and then I have to be at every show. How exciting! But it does pay well, so that's okay. It will be fun and awesome.

I was gonna post poems, but I have to go because I need to be at school in 20 minutes, and I better make sure I'm ready for my ride to pick me up. See you all later!

Voicemail #4

ALEXI DARLING
Mark Cohen
Alexi Darling
Labor Day Weekend
In East-Ampton
On the beach
Just saw Alec Baldwin
Told him you said "hi"
Just kidding
We still need directors
You still need money
You know you need money
Don't be afraid of ker-ching ker-ching
Markie, sell us your soul
Just kidding
We're waiting
~*~"Voicemail #4" RENT

Not much to say today. I'm busy, but it's all with the same stuff all the time, so there's nothing interesting to tell you guys, except something I can't tell you. Anywho.

I suppose I can post poems as I always do. Though I've written some I'm not going to post, because they're private. Okay but here goes.

Oh wait, nvm. There's only a few and I don't wanna post them. Sorry.

Alonzo I love you very very much and I'm here for you... So is someone else! (AAHHHH!!!!) {shutting up before I get myself in trouble}

So as I was saying. Let's see... Been feelin kinda sad lately. Not totally sure why. Just lonely, I guess, even though I have a few friends... Hmh. Interesting, isn't it, how the human mind works? Damnit... I'm about to get into a philisophical thing (as I so often do), and now I g2g.

Love to all cause love is good. (post comments! just for the hell of it!)

Without You

MIMI
Without you
The seeds root
The flowers bloom
The children play
The stars gleam
The poets dream
The eagles fly
Without you
The earth turns
The sun burns
But I die
Without you
~*~"Without You" RENT

And that song just goes on and on for ever, so we'll leave it at that. Anyway. Got into a thoughtful mood last night around midnight and wrote some poems, which I'd like to share along with a few others I wrote a while back, (BTW - it's it amazing? I'm on 2 whole days in a row! not weeks, days!)

A New Kind of Love
When I see your eyes
They sparkle like stars
And when I see your mouth
You face shines like the moon
As you walk through the field
I am watching you
Then it starts to rain
And I am sad for you
I want to bring you an umbrella
But then you'd know I was watching
So I wait for you to pass
And suddenly you are dancing
Spinning away the raindrops
Becoming a beautiful fountain
Flashing in the spray
I cannot hold back any longer
So I run to dance with you
I run between the raindrops
And then blend in with the falling
When the rain stops
The sun comes out
And finally you notice me
Because we are alone
Our gazes meet and I know
We are the same
I feel your soul
Never did I know such a connection existed
As the one I feel with you now
So please just love me
Together we can fight any opposition
In this hateful world.
--11.5.04

Real World
Finally things
Are going your way
So maybe you don't
Have to be scared
Anymore.
Things are going so well
It's as though
You left the real world
Behind. And left
Me behind in it.
--11.9.04

For Forgiving
It has taken me
All this time to realize
That we were never
Meant to be
But I still wish
I hadn't given up
Yes I know now that I
Gave up
I am lucky just to
Have you
As a friend
I hope he knows
How lucky he is
Better than I did.
--11.9.04

Storms Ahead
I caught you like
A wispy cloud
So sweet and innocent
Honest and caring
What we had was beautiful

But you can't hold clouds for long.
--11.12.04

For Mandy
This
A poem
For one of the
Strongest people
I know
Who is caring
Original
Sensitive
Enthusiastic
Encouraging
Understanding
Pure
And for all this
A beautiful person
Who I love.
--11.14.04

For Alonzo
After all
That I've done
The only thing
I can do now
Is say I'm sorry
And thank you
Because I want you
To be happy
That's the least
You deserve
For all that you've done
For me.
--11.14.04

For Chi Chi
There was a time
You never knew about
Whe I was just glad
To have you there
I am still glad
You're here now because
I don't know what I'd do
Without you.
--11/14/04

For Shannon
I only want to asky
Why you don't care
That we lost such a bond
How best friends
Could become strangers
Part of me will always
Be empry because
You meant - mean
So much to me
Through all the moments
We shared
And thoughts we never spoke
But always knew
Were there
I was told friends are forever
I guess forever
Wasn't long enough.
--11.14.04

For Molly
What can I say
That hasn't been said
Before?
I am tired of repeating myself
And being unappreciated
You want to make this work
Then work
Is what you'll
Have to do.
--11.14.04

LinZ Says
LinZ says people
Are like trains
Picking up friends
Like passengers
And dropping others
Off.
Some are lazy
And didn't want to go far
So they only ride
For one stop
But some people
Stay on forever
Because they think it's fun
To ride the train.
If that train ever
Goes off course,
The passengers
May die too.
--11.14.04

And with that, I leave you to mull over your thoughts (and mine) and then post comments. Please! More coming soon, my mind is still buzzing. Love to all cause love is good.

Seasons of Love B

COMPANY
In diapers, report cards,
In spoked wheels and speeding tickets
In contracts, dollars, in funerals in births in
525,600 minutes
How do you fingure
A last year on earth

Figure in love
Figure in love
Figure in love
Measure in love

Seasons of love
~*~"Seasons of Love B" RENT

Ok so what, a week has gone by now? I've been soo frickin busy! ARG! And thanks everybody for commenting. Thank you, anonymous, for showing your ignorance. And squishy... if it makes you feel better, then I'm happy to be here. Anyway. So not much time, as usual, just wanted to check in and say hey before I'm off again. Been super busy with everything. Had my first speech meet yesterday. That was fun. and a litttle scary. But it's all good. And this weekend is the play... and I have 2 weeks off before I have to usher again, so I have a little bit of a life for a little bit!

To people in love: You lucky lucky bastards. And it's adorable.

To people I'm mad at: I bet I still love you. Talk to me.

To people I haven't seen in a while: I miss you all millions!

To myself: I miss you! I wanna go to NY and stay there and leave this shit behind!

Okay no more schizo for tonight. g2g. Love to all cause love is good. Post comments!

Take Me or Leave Me

MAUREEN
A tiger in a cage
Can never see the sun
This diva needs her stage
Baby, let's have fun!
~*~"Take Me or Leave Me" RENT

Winding down... extremely slowly, as I'm barely posting once a week. Just got back from work a little while ago and felt like posting (and actually had time, !) so here I am. Before I get to the boring details of my life though, here are some poems (that way, if I run out of time, at least I haven't wasted it all on stuff you may already know).

{A few sentiments for our *cringe* president}

Acknowledging
In our society I see
That which has always been present
But never spoken of
A barrier, tearing a world apart
This barrier we must destroy
Nothing should deny an equality
That we fight for every day

Who are we, fools
To allow ignorance to rule
Our country is full of hate
Religious bias interfering
With a right that is unconditional
--10.7.04

Lessons
All people are created equal
That's what I learned in religion class
The Constitution demands equal rights for all
That's what I learned in history class
We can't control our hormones
That's what I learned in health class
Love is the most important thing to give and receive
That's what I learned in life
How can one man think he knows best?
Who is he, to define love?
If all people are created equal,
And we have equal rights,
And we can't control our hormones,
And love is the most important thing in the world,
Then how can we let anyone take that away?
--10.7.04

We the People
If I am an American
Then I have the right to safety
If I am an American
Then I have the right to freedom
If I am an American
Then I have the right to individuality
If I am an American
Then I have the right to choices
If I am an American
Then I have the right to equality
If I am an American
Then I have the right to love anyone I want.
--10.7.04

Ground Rules
A woman loves a woman
A man loves a man
Ignoring any gender
All that is left
Is love
A love that should
Be denied no right
Be embraced as beautiful
Be understood as equal
And be respected for love.
--10.7.04

Living or Lying
No one can tell me
What I want to do
No one can tell me
What I want to be
No one can tell me
How I want to live
So why should someone tell me
Who I want to love?
--10.25.04

{On to bigger and better things, I suppose}

The Wheels Turn
I watch the boy skate
As the busses line up
Though I don't know his name
I can't help but stare
Because I see the contrast
of the boy and the bus
He, so free as the
Prisons line up.
Those prisons soon to be filled
With schoolchildren
Forced into the chaotic din
And then forced out into the wind
In the place they must call home.
--11.3.04

Phobia
I love a girl
Who doesn't love me
Now wait a minute,
That's not true

She does love me
But not in the same way
It's a little confusing,
Isn't it?
--11.5.04

Johnny Says
Johnny says being
A "serious actor"
Is and oxymoron
Like "republican party"
Or "airplane food"

I think I agree.
--11.6.04

Pirate's Life
I see the smiles
On the children's faces
When they talk about their favorite movie.
The Pirate movie.
"Yo ho yo ho
A parrot's life for me."
They sing and laugh.
I smile
Because they can be happy
Even though they don't
Know the song.
And I wish I
Could make children happy
Too.
--11.6.04

Friends Anymore
When I get
Out of school
Everything changes
And I don't
Have friends
Anymore.
Because
We can't transcend
The void
From school friends
To real friends.
--11.6.04

{A few last thoughts...}

Creating Liberty
Your face bathed in the pale orange glow
A breeze slips between us
My hair blows about, trying to obscure my vision
I watch your fingers dance on the strings
Music floting from the guitar to the sky
Eyes have never witnessed such rapture
As you free the notes into the stars
Your eyes sparkle, reflecting your passion
Beauty flows from your soul into the night
A night made more precious by you.
--10.5.04

Fallen Heroine
She tried to hold up the world
But she failed and thousands died
Now she lives in exile
An unworthy savior
She walks away in disgrace,
Her red cape trailing on the ground
The shadow of a fallen heroine.
--10.13.04

Stepping Down
It's much too hard
To walk away
From the greatest thing in your life
Knowing there may
Never be
Something this wonderful again
Trying to hold on
Makes it
Slip away faster until
All that's left are negatives
But ignoring it
Makes it go
Away too.
--10.17.04

Double Entandra
Right in front of my eyes
You forget about me
And I'm ignored
Right to my face
You pretend I'm not even there
And I'm alone
If that's what you do right to my face
Or right in front of my eyes
I wonder what you're doing
Right behind my back
--10.22.04

Whew! Lots of typing. Okay well that's all for now. I haven't really been up to anything interesting, anyway. Just the usual school stuff, and work, and so on and so forth. Blah. *Dances away to the music in her head*

Happy New Year B

ANGEL
People, is this any way
To start a new year
Have compassion,
Benny just lost his cat

BENNY
My dog
But I appreciate that

ANGEL
My cat had a fall
And I went through hell

BENNY
It's like losin' a-
How did you know that she fell?
~*~"Happy New Year B" RENT

Okay, feel like posting some poems, because they've piled up since September. Let's see what's in the vault...

Relenquish
Keep away from the fraying edges
As your reality shrinks to nothing
Doomed on a dying island
With nowhere to go but drowning

Forgotten in the world of the sleeping
Is a safety net now left to the dead
Useless are all our defenses
Stay away from the lurking dawns

A sparkling in the distance
The blade of your final demise
Creeping forward, ever watching
Eternally the only one
--9.27.04

Swan Song
I'm sitting on a chair
In a barren, empty room
Listening to the raindrops
Falling on the window
There's a single light
Shining overhead

But suddenly the chair
Is on a fully furnished stage
And the raindrops are the applause
Of the audience above
The light has become brighter
As a spotlight on my face

Filled with the urge to perform
I jump up and begin to dance
Singing and acting, belting out a show
Like no one has seen before
And no one will see again

I finish the show
Exit the stage
Ready to come back for my bow
But when I pass by the curtain,
The audience is gone
And I'm left with a chair in a room in the rain.
--9.29.04

Voice Mail #3

MARK'S MOM
Mark, it's the wicked witch of the west
Your Mother
Happy new year from Scarsdale
We're all impressed that the riot footage
Made the nightly news
Even your father says "mazeltov"
Honey, call him
Love Mom
~*~ "Voice Mail #3" RENT

Agh suddenly nothing matters anymore and i don't remember what i was gonna say cause i'm tlaking to leslie who MET JOHNNY DEPP ON SATURDAY NIGHT.

end of post. more when i can think straight again (i.e. never)

Happy New Year

MIMI
I couldn't crack the love code dear
Till you made the lock on my hear explode
It's gonna be a happy new year
~*~"Happy New Year" Rent

I was just thinking... Crap. What was I thinking? Oh right right right. I'm talking to my dear friend Carly, who I met at the con, and I'm thinking about con.

I already miss being at con, and the next one isn't until the end of January. :( There's lots of people there who are just fun to be around and talk to. Gosh... I miss everone who was in my touch group, and silent football people, and people I just met other ways, and getting to spend time with Al and Mandy... I miss you guys!

And the power went out at school yesterday, so we didn't get to have GSA after school. Although it also meant I didn't have speech practice with Morain, the nazi! I did go see her today before I went to practice though... I need to start getting my speech written. It has to be memorized in 2 1/2 weeks, and it doesn't even exist yet! But I think I would have rather had GSA and speech than had neither. I missed GSA last week cause I was sick on Tuesday.

Speaking of being sick on Tuesday, I made up that dance class on Monday, so I had dance 2 days in a row, and I pulled a muscle in my left leg yesterday. Fun fun fun. Spent a lot of time talking to blondie. And we got to learn part of the choreography for Thriller. That was fun too.

Okay well I'm being kicked off now. So I'll write later... whever I get a chance, I guess.

Seasons Of Love

SOLOIST
In truths that he learned
Or in times that she cried
In the bridges he burned
Or the way that she died

ALL
It's time now to sing out
Though the story never ends
Let's celebrate remember a year
In the life of friends
~*~"Seasons of Love" RENT

So we enter ACT II. You will all be happy to know there are only 16 more songs left. Hahaha. Yeah. Only 16. Anyway.

The song brings up the interesting topic of friends... Oh what a subject, one I always find myself thinking about. Why am I so bad at choosing friends? Or is it that I'm so desperate that I just have to latch onto whoever I can find? I know I'm a hard person to get along with... I'm opinionated and I have a strong personality. In fact, in the car on the way home from dance yesterday, my mom said she thinks I scare the shit out of some people. While that is extremely amusing, it's unfortunate that I don't have friends. I'm not changing though. I like who I am. What fun would it be to be artificial??? (I sense a poem coming on...)

Anyway. So yeah. Not been in the greatest mood lately. Sounds like I'll be busy this weekend... speech practice on Friday, ushering, the show Saturday, ushering, church Sunday, ushering, over to Alex's house, ushering, possible party with cast members to follow. Not much halloween festivities for Z. Oh well. It's *not* like Halloween is my favorite holiday or anything...

Leslie have the most awesomest time ever on Saturday! I'm sooo jealous I can't believe it! AHHH! Can't wait for ALLL the details upon your return... Yeah. And happy week-late birthday...

Um, have a good Halloween, everybody, I guess. I'll just go sulk now... Nah. I'm not letting people get me down. I'll go dance or play guitar, or write something. Hum.

La Vie Boheme B

ALL
Music

ANGEL
Food of love
Emotion
Mathematics isolation
Rhythm, feeling power
Harmony and heavy competition

ALL
Anarchy

MIMI & COLLINS
Revolution
Justice, screaming for solutions
Forcing changes
Risk and danger
Making noise and making pleas

ALL
To faggots, lezzies, dykes
Cross dressers too

MAUREEN
To me

JOANNE
To me

COLLINS & ANGEL
To me

ALL
To you and you and you
You and you
To people living living living with living with
Not dying from disease
~*~"La Vie Boheme B" RENT

WOW! I haven't posted in forever! I've been so friggin busy and I have so much to say and, as usual, no time to say it. Lemme see the quickest summary I can give you of what I've done and what I'm up too, just in case it's 2 more weeks before I post again.

Been busy with speech, play, drama class, dance, and GSA. Spent Columbus Day weekend in Wisconsin visiting family. Spent last weekend in Springfield for a con. Muy bueno.

Going to "Innocents" rehearsal and babysitting on Saturday. Have church and then RENT! on Sunday. Next weekend ushering on friday, going to see Sweeny Todd on Saturday (possibly ushering) Halloween party and possible ushering on Sunday. Sound busy enough? I thought so.

Yeah, that's really what I'm up to though. Plus homework, and I went to mathletes yesterday. So! I've been doing a few things.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh! I got a puppy on Sunday! His name is Kramer and he's a beagle and he turned 8 weeks old on Tuesday. I love my puppy! Oooh and I love Josh! And I guess Jake, cause I get to taste his rainbow (??? don't ask).

I went to the orthodontist today and got my bottom brackets put on. That was a laugh and a half. Oy. But I got out of the first 3 periods of the day so it's all good. I g2g now and finish editing my story for english. See you all when I see you!

I Should Tell You

ROGER
I should tell you I'm disaster
I forget how to begin it

MIMI
Let's just make this part go faster
I have yet to be in it
~*~"I Should Tell You" RENT

I have so much I would say right now but I just don't have time. I'm so frickin busy lately that I don't have time to talk to people. I have drama rehearsals Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I have GSA and dance on Tuesday. I have drama class on Thursday. I have speech meetings. On the weekends (and some weeknights) I usher at the theatre. Sundays I go to church. And in my spare time (spare being a loosely used term) I have plenty of homework to do. And starting very soon, I will also have rehearsal for "The Innocents" which is the play I'm understudying in at ITC. Oy I'm tired. But I have to go... because right now, I do have to go to work.

Damn. I had tons of poems to post, but I can't do that now. Maybe later today... my homework's done and I'm not ushering at the evening show tonight. We'll see.

La Vie Boheme

ANGEL and MIMI
To handcrafted beers made in loca breweries
To yoga, to yogurt to rice and beans and cheese
To leather to dildos to curry vindaloo
To juevos rancheros and Maya Angelou
~*~"La Vie Boheme" RENT

Wow it's so hard to pick one part of that song... It's like 8 minutes long and the show stopping number. Which is interesting, since it's towards the end of the first act.

Speaking of RENT, I found out that RENT is coming to the Rialto Square Theatre in October to do a couple shows, and I am determined to go see it. lol. I'm such a nerd. Oh well.

Well, because I posted late, I don't have a lot of time to write. My mom seems to think that if she sends me to bed earlier and earlier, eventually I'll get to sleep at a decent time. So I'm sposed to be in bed at 10.

Over The Moon

MAUREEN
I gotta get outta here
It's like I'm being tied to the
Hood of a yellow rental truck
Bein packed in with fertilizer
And fuel oil pushed
Over a cliff by a
Suicidal Mickey Mouse
~*~"Over the Moon" RENT

Yes, I know perfectly well that that makes no sense. That's the beauty of it. Total insanity. I would try and explain it, but it doesn't really make much sense, even if you know what the context of the scene is. Maureen's song (Over the Moon) is a protest thingy, and it's extremely strange. So don't worry about it. Not understanding this does not mean that you are not a genius. (Although it doesn't mean that you are one, either)

So today I went to church. Con forms have finally arrived! Yay! Fall con is in Springfield where Martin, our old minister, is at now, so we'll all get to see him. (we all being whoever actually goes to con. last time it was just me and Zoe.) I can't wait though. It's early this year, 2 weeks before Halloween. To all my friends whom I have been trying to get to church: next Sunday is a "Bring a friend Sunday" so you can all come and it will be fun. I go to the service at 9 and youth group at 10. Lemme know if you can come. If you happen to be able to get involved in my youth group, you can come to cons with me. Cons = youth CONferences in which my youth advisor (Heather) takes as many people from the youth group as can come to a church and we party. there's workshops during the day a worship service in the evening on saturday; you spend friday night in someones house with a bunch of people, sunday you have a little closing gathering thing. warning: you don't get much sleep and you will be very tired when it is all over. Last con I got 2 hours of sleep in 72 hours. Those 2 hours were Friday night - Saturday I didn't sleep at all. I stayed up playing silent football, which is neither silent nor football. strike your attention? Gotta come to con to find out what it is.

Anyway. So I've gone on enough. I'm gonna go play guitar. I'm getting good at those Rent songs I'm learning. Yeah. So I'm gonna go.

Christmas Bells

COLLINS
You don't have to do this -

ANGEL
Hush your mouth it's Christmas

COLLINS*
I do not deserve you Angel
Give Give
All you do is
Give
Give me some way
To show you
How you've touched me so

ANGEL*
Wait!
What's on the floor?
Let's see some more
No no no no

ANGEL
Kiss me it's beginning to snow
~*~"Christmas Bells" RENT

*Collins and Angel are singing at the same time. That was kind of hard to do, but it's a really cute scene during that song, so I had to use it. I'm such a sucker for cute love songs. And at other times they make me cry. Or throw up. But on to other matters.

So I haven't posted much lately, but I've been really busy. Let's see... Wednesday and Thursday I was sick. Okay, I'm still sick, but those 2 days I was like, incoherant, like on another planet or something. I apologize, Jordan, for making you sit through all my sneezing fits on Wednesday. I will try not to contaminate your air space anymore. lol.

Friday I was back at school to take lots of tests, and then went to auditions for fall play after school. That was fun. I got to scream with a sore throat. At least I got to say "a penguin just bit me!" That was really funny. But anyway. So I got home at about 5, and then my mom and I went to New Lenox to get my new dance shoes... She was so happy to find out I needed new pointe shoes, new jazz shoes, and a new leotard. I told her to look on the bright side: at least I didn't need new ballet shoes, and since my feet don't grow anymore, I will have to wear these shoes out before I get new ones.

Today I went to ADC to try and find a leotard (which I didn't). and then we picked up my brother at home to take him to his soccer game. On the way we dropped me off at Rich East so I could help out with the car wash. That was a lot of fun, actually. I was there for about 3 hours washing cars. Though I spent the first half hour out on the corner yelling, trying to get people to come to the car wash. And in case you don't know, you have to yell REALLY loud when you're standing on Sauk Trail about to get run over by a bunch of cars. Yeah. But once I got to actually wash cars it was pretty fun. Although Taylor got me numerous times with the hose, and once twice with a sponge, Kevin got me with the hose, and either Tara or Tana hit me with a wet towel... damn that one hurt. But yeah. Got soaking wet, cleaned a lotta cars, and spent time with friends. Then Stadt gave me a ride home in her nice new car.

Had a bunch of chores to do when I got home, then I ate dinner, did homework, and now I'm here. And since I'm here, I'm going to post a poem I wrote yesterday during civics.

Incineration
I don't want to live forever
I just want to start this over
I don't understand what hate is
I just want to be with you now

Someone explain all the fire
In the creeping darkness -
Teach me how to burn
I've learned all my lessons
Before I've fallen -
With nothing left to give

Surrendering - to your power
Living in my mind
Surrendering - to my obsession
Seeking what really is

Manifest in a world of isolation
Connect - on a frozen plane
Death tonight in a world awakend
Gone in the whisper of a sunrise
--9/24/04

So lemme know what you think. Post a comment for a change! I know there's people out there reading... I always talk to people, and they say, "oh yeah, I read your blog," so why not post a comment while you're at it? It doesn't take that much work. Come on guys, or what's the point of it all in the end?

We're Okay

JOANNE
So tell them we'll sue
But a settlement will do
Sexual harrassment- oh and civil rights too
Steve, you're great
~*~"We're Okay" RENT

That's a really wierd song, and kind of confusing, because she's talking to 3 people on the phone at the same time, so I won't try and post any more of it right now.

I'm at school actually, just got done taking some math test thingy so that they can tell me I'm really good at math. Again. How many more of these things do I have to take? *yawn* I'm tired

So I went to dance yesterday and it was fun. I was glad to get back. Actually, my feet really hurt right now because I got back on my pointe shoes yesterday for the first time in a LONG time. Ow. But it's all good. I think I'm switich to Tuesday night though, hopefully. I am going back tonight to make up for the class I missed last week. If I switch to tomorrow, I can take class with blondie. Woo! lol.

So I got braces put on 2 of my teeth yesterday, that was joyous. But it will close up that stupid space, so I'm not going to complain. Much. Maybe.

Stopped over at FT after my ortho appointment and talked to everybody for a little bit. I'm going back Thursday when we have our half day. I miss all my cool teachers! Here's okay, but not as much fun. Though I'm glad I'm out of FT.

Sunday was busy, actually. I went to church, and then me, Mandy, and Alice went out to lunch at Schoops. I spent a little bit of time at the art fair, but it was kind of boring, so I only stayed for about a half an hour. Spent most of the time talking to Dawn - she had me sign up for auditions next summer to be in Anne of Green Gables. We'll see how that goes; Etel wants me to be in her summerfest show next summer too. I'm in such high demand! lol. I may be able to do both actually. That would be cool. I love performing... I talked it over with my mom and she agrees that with voice lessons I could actually have a good voice, so I may get to do that sometime in the future. After my mom gets a job, that is. Whenever that is. For now I'm working on the dancing and acting aspects of Broadway. hah.

Watched the Emmys on Sunday night. But I was really tired and fell asleep right towards the end - before 10:00! What is wrong with me? (I then also took a 3 hour nap yesterday afternoon)

Ok got to go - the bell just rang. Or rather the music played. But whatever. Later.

I'll Cover You

ANGEL
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover and
I'll cover you

COLLINS
Open your door
I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll ne there and
I'll cover you

BOTH
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love
On life... Be my life
~*~"I'll Cover You" RENT

Oh the days when they were happy... Anyway. Somehow these songs keep working out and becoming quite apropos. I love you Lonzo! That was so sweet yesterday... hehe.

Today was a fantastic day. I had so much fun and I felt so good... I love Mandy! WEEE! In case you didn't know, today was the AIDS walk in Chicago. The GSA and the NHS from Rich East went, and it was awesome. Me and Mandy talked for a little while on the way up there, while we ate donuts, then we took a nap (cause we got up so early) the rest of the way. Got to the place and registered and got our numbers, and then we talked more... When the race started we got coffee from the Starbucks table (cause they're one of the sponsors) and set off. Michael and Eudora (Michael - GSA guy. quite fun. Eudora - NHS chick. Alica's older sister.) joined us after the crowd thinned out a little bit. And as we were walking and talking, Mandy noticed this guy in front of us and it was really really funny because you could tell he was gay, just by the way he walked. I mean, he like swished his hips and swung his arms and everything. It was fucking hilarious. And he was hot too! And with a hot boyfriend! And so the four of us followed them, keeping pace, Michael drooling all the way (cause he had a hot ass... believe me. lol), me laughing like a lunatic, Mandy just kind of rolling her eyes, and Eudora not really doing anything. Then after a while, Mand wanted to walk slower, so I stayed back to walk with her, and we just talked for a long time about all kinds of things. Michael and Eudora slowed up so that we caught up to them, and the 4 of us finished together - 5K (3.1miles: and I was ready to go a second time. It went by really fast!). We were the first of our RE group. It was pretty cool.

So then we sat and talked some more, and once all our group was together, we got back on the bus and went to Connie's, where Mandy and I talked more. We shared a really yummy chicken thing. I can never remember the name... Yeah but then there was the whole fiasco with the food... people not paying as much as they were sposed to so people who didn't sit at our table started giving us money... it was crazy but not worth stating here all over again.

On the bus ride home the some of us GSA people had quite a heated discussion with some of the kinds from Youth Alive, which is a prayer group that meets at our school. There were some interesting points brought up. I wanted to talk more, but I'm just THE freshman, and I was kept plenty busy listening, so it's all good. I loved being around so many incredibly smart people. It was amazing. Just a really great time.

After I got home we went to the animal shelter and looked at puppies. Well, my family did. I played with a bunch of little kittens. I figure, if we get a dog, we'll bring it home and I can play with it all the time. We're never getting a kitten, so I should play with them while I can. And I did and it was lots of fun. I did look at the dogs though, and we played with this really cute shepard mix puppy named Georgie. He's still really young, so we'd be able to rename him. (We've already decided on Cosmo for the name) I think he was a little over 2 months. I liked him, but I don't want him to get much bigger than he is, and from what the shelter lady said, he's still got quite a bit of growing to do. But we'll see. My mom really liked him, and she's gonna go back on Monday to talk more seriously to the shelter people. It would be fun to have a dog, I guess. But I don't know how we're going to afford a dog when we can't afford... other things. I dunno. Best not to judge before things happen.

I spray painted one of my dressers today. It's black and silver to match the bookshelf I did a while ago. And we got the stuff to make my window shades, so my room is slowly coming together. The last thing that will need to be done is paint, it looks like. You can all come over and help - we'll have a painting party! woo! lol. My room is gonna look so cool when I'm done with it. Tomorrow I'm going to look at closet door handles, which is a good thing. Right now I have screws sticking out of the doors, which pose a bit of a safety problem to anyone with skin.

I'm having a good time with my guitar... Learning all the RENT songs from that book. It's really cool. I like being able to bring the music to life myself. Although I do murder it terribly the first couple times because I never remember to look for sharps and flats. (Not to mention I have to teach myself how to finger sharps and flats, because my crappy guitar book doesn't teach me.) It's all good though. And it's very calming. So things are going well. I'm loving things right now. Lots of things, many people, several places, a few times, a couple words, one me!

Santa Fe

ANGEL
New York City -

COLLINS
Uh-huh

ANGEL
Center of the universe

COLLINS
Sing it girl -

ANGEL
It's a comfort to know
When you're singing the hit-the-road blues
That anywhere else you could possible go
Afer New York would be a pleasure cruise
~*~"Santa Fe" RENT

Ironic how completely opposite that is from the poem I'm about to post. I wrote it on the plane on the way home from NY.

Neverland
Started out in a small town
Discovered the city when I was only 5 years old
And from my first glimpse of skyscrapers
I knew where I belonged

I'm taking back to my body
But I'm leaving my heart where it belongs
Someday I'll make it back to New York City
Back where I belong

Don't belong in that small town
I suffocate in the open fields
Can only breathe between the buildings
Dodging taxis and street performers

Where is the excitement
(of life in suburbia)
Connection with strangers
(isolation - a world apart)

I'm taking back to my body
But I'm leaving my heart where it belongs
Someday I'll make it back to New York City
Back where I belong

So many people lost in the world
But I know where I belong
And I drew a map of how to get there
With 2 stickers that say "you are here"
One in that small town
Where my body lies in wait
And one inthe heart of the ciry
Where my heart is dreaming

I'm taking back to my body
But I'm leaving my heart where it belongs
Someday I'll make it back to New York City
Back where I belong

For now my little bit of being
Lives without its passion and determination
The world is waitng in the city
To see what that soul is made of
I'll always be a city girl
No matter where I am
And if I can't go to the city
I'll bring the city to me
--9/15/04

By the way - I updated my website. http://groups.msn.com/darkmoon319

On the Street

THREE HOMELESS PEOPLE
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing
Christmas bells are ringing -
Out of town
Santa Fe

SQUEEGEEMAN
Honest living man!

HOMELESS PERSON
Evening, officers

MARK
Smile for Ted Koppel, Officer Martin!

HOMELESS PERSON
And a Merry Christmas to your family

POLICE OFFICERS
Right!

BLANKET PERSON
Who the fuck do you think you are?
I don't need no goddamn help
From some bleeding heart cameraman
My life's not for you to
Make a name for yourself on

ANGEL
Easy sugar, easy
He was just trying to -

BLANKET PERSON
Just trying to use me to kill his guilt
It's not hat kind of movie honey,
Let's go - this lot is full of
Motherfucking artists
Het artist
You gotta dollar?
Huh. I thought not
~*~"On the Street" RENT

There's no good way to do that song, so I stuck the whole thing on there. Oh well. One more song totally taken care of, I guess.

I would like to begin today's post with a quote - something I found extremely wise and quite interesting. Let's see what you can make of it. I read to you from "The Time of Your Life - A Comedy in Three Acts" by William Saroyan.
JOE: ...I'm a student. I study all things. All. All. And when my study reveals something of beauty in a place or in a person where by all rights only ugliness or death should be revealed, then I know how full of goodness life is. And that's a good thing to know. That's a truth I shall always seek to verify.
It's most eloquent, and I find it rather practical to think about, for any teenage perspective. Of my friends, at least 80% of them tend to have a negative outlook on life, or on most of life. Until recently, I would have been part of that. (I'll get to that in a moment.) Now this guy Joe here, he's living in San Fransisco in 1939. And the people he's around, they don't have a lot of money. Joe, he's got some money. Don't really know why, beacause he's a loafer who never does anything, but he's got money. And he's quite benevolent, if not a little off-kelter abour spending it. The point is though, that even though he's living in the throes of WW II and what surrounds him is depression, he finds a way to push away the shade and allow the sun to shine so the flowers may grow. So perhaps at first glance the world Joe lives in is a shithole that no one would wish upon any man. Such as people say no amount of money would ever get them to relive their teen years. Well Joe found beauty in his world by studying it. Perhaps all we need to do is look a little more closely at just what is going on around us.

So there's my soap-box speech for the day. Although I suppose I should explain what I said about being a part of negativity until recently. I'm not going to talk about the negative paryt. There's nothing to say there. But what leaves people wondering is why I am not nearly as depressed as I used to be. Well I'll give you a plain and simple answe which, strange as it might sound after it is said, is the truth. I saw Rent.

In case I forgot to say (I know I never did get the synopsis up here, but anyway.), RENT has several characters in it who have AIDS. The whole theme of the play is celebrating life in the face of death. And Angel (*tear*), who has the most advanced AIDS, is turning every day into a party, not thinking about dying, and being completely and utterly happy with who (s)he is. (S)he has am amazing loving spirit, and as I watched the play and everyone in it, I thought, 'What the hell am I doing? Why am I so fucking depressed all the time, and not just taking care of myself and not worrying about anything else?' I figured out that even though I may seem really self-centered on the outside, inside I don't spend enough time thinking about myself because I'm always trying to solve other people's problems. So when I got back home, I started doing yoga. I did a LOT of writing. I listened to even more music than I used to. I stayed up late some nights, just to think. I watched what I was eating and taking in to my body. And I'm still doing all that, and I've been feeling better, I think. The other thing I realized is that I would love to be on Broadway. I used to always think I would do movies and that would be my thing; that I wouldn't like live performing as much. But then I thought about how much fun I had with "Go Ask Alice" and what a great experience it was to meet Jai after the show, and I decided. I want to do Broadway. I want to connect with people on a level that you can't connect on in movies. Something about being live just changes everything. And meeting fans afterwards... there's nothing more gratifying. I mean, not that I had "fans" at my play, but all the people who came up to me and told me what a great job I did... people I didn't even know! Some people who were there just to see the show, who weren't related to anyone in the cast. And I was just blown away. People I did know were amazed... I scared some people (because of the ending). So I decided I wanted to do Broadway. That's extremely physically demanding though. Therefore I immediately began to care more for myself. And I still am, and I'm happy with me. And I'm making myself, and a place for myself, and that being the central matter.

But in case all that sounded too lifetime movie for you, and I was being a little too self-congraulatory and a bit indulgent, let me just point out that I am going on a 5K AIDS walk on Saturday with the GSA. There's a damn good cause. And I'm glad I'm going.

Wow. This is a long post. And it's long because there is a lot of writing, not because I had to hit enter a bunch of times when posting songs. So I'll let you all drink this in and post my poem sparately.

Another Day

ROGER
Excuse me if I'm off track
But if you're so wise
Then tell me - why do you need smack?
Take your needle
Take your fancy prayer
And don't forget
Get the moonlight out of your hair
Long ago you might've lit up my heart
But now the fire's dead - ain't never gonna start
~*~"Another Day" RENT

Wow... Amazing movie. I have a few things I want to say though before I get to that. I got to thinking on the ride home, so now I just want to get that out into the world. I'm not going to explain right now. Ask questions - then I'll explain.

Sometimes it's good to just listen - it gets you thinking.

Don't be afraid to be who you are.

Be persistent, even if you think you will embaress yourself around a staff person or something. Chances are, you will never see them again.

Always be working toward what you want to do. You'll get there some day.

Find yourself, and then draw yourself a map so you don't get lost. If people turn into obstacles and get in your way, don't let them tell you what to do or where to go. You know where you are.

So anyway. That's just what I was thinking about. Now I'm going to watch Queer Eye, so I will continue my post in a moment.

Back. Okay um... What was I gonna say? I don't remember anymore... Oh yeah. So the movie.

The movie was fantastic. Absolutely amazing. I mean, Johnny was hot as always, but it was a good movie. That doesn't always happen. (Secret Window, for example) Yeah. Finding Neverland was just really great. I cried at the end! It was sad. Then the screenwriter answered a few questions, and that was pretty cool. There was an afterparty thingy that we went to, but didn't stay too long. It was a fun atmosphere. Very Hollywood-esque I think.

But now I'm going to discuss the main point of the movie. When we get to the next commercial. Ok. So as I was almost saying. So the whole movie focuses on imagination, and growing up. But not just kids NOT growing up, more about everyone growing up. And I kind of just got to thinking about it... Did I grow up too fast? I don't know. I mean, all the adults I meet always say I'm mature for my age. But what does that mean? Did I miss out on something that everyone else got? I enjoyed my childhood... And I got it all, right? I mean, how do I know? Am I trying to be too much, too soon?
And imagination... Creativity can be anyone's salvation. So I was thinking about J.M. Barrie's imagination, and how he spent so much time writing, and that it was just what he wanted to write. And on the car ride home I decided "That's it - I'm gonna do my own thing. Totally 100% me. Because why not?" So I'm gonna be done spending time with people I don't really like. And if that means I end up with 2 friends, fine. But I'm going to spend my time with drama, dance, and writing. I'm going to keep up my poetry, and write the new story I've had rattling around in my brain. And it will be mine... just mine. And no one will see it until I have a first draft finished. Perhaps I'll end up a teenage hermit. Tough luck. You don't like it? I don't care anymore. I never really did, but somehow I still ended up hanging out with people who didn't really know me. So now that's over.
Wow... I started this at like 11:45 and now it's 1:15. It took an hour and a half... cause I'm watching Queer Eye!