Cast No Shadow

Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life surviving if he can

Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
And as faced the sun he cast no shadow

As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride

Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life surviving if he can

Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
And as faced the sun he cast no shadow

As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride

And as he faced the sun he cast no shadow
~*~"Cast No Shadow" Oasis

Look I'm back after forever! We've cut down a lot on internet time at my house until we get this phone bill thing figured out. Right now this is costing us 5 cents a minute. I don't know why. But it is. So we're trying to figure out how to switch and until then I'm gonna hardly ever be on. Which sucks, but what can ya do?

Spree was so much fun! Josh was an awesome date (got me a corsage) and I danced with a million people. Mitch wasn't there (and he's the loser, not me) but I had and awesome time without him. Actually, since 7 Friday night until about Midnight Saturday, I only spent an hour and a half at my house.
I spent the night at Stephanie's on Friday after work and the theatre, then went to dance with her on Saturday and got back to my house around 1. Went back over to Molly's house around 2:30 and went shopping at the mall with her and Alyssa. Quick stop at Alyssa's house, then back to Molly's to get ready for Spree.
Jake stopped by to show us his REALLY SHORT haircut, and then Cyndi came over and we left. Picked up Alonzo (he was so hot!) - lookin like a pimp with 4 girls at his door - and off we went.
The dance was awesome. I had such a good time... Really sore now, but I danced with more people than I can count.
Anyway. More later I g2g now. You can always call...

Love to all cause love is good!

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone
~*~" Boulevard of Broken Dreams" Green Day

Agh. I tried to post this before and then my computer got all funny. I was going to talk about things I had been thinking about, but I took that as a sign that it's not time yet. So now I have nothing to talk about.

I got my bio project finished. That was exciting. I don't know how good it is, but it is done, and that's what matters.

Molly and I went to see Finding Neverland. Alonzo was supposed to go, but because he's a procrastinator, he had to stay home and do IMSA essays instead that he was sposed to do yesterday (or any other time over the two weeks he was sick!) But whatever. His loss. I still got 2 hours of Johnny Depp in all his glory.

Okay well I'm really tired and sick, so I'm going to rest up for school (and the movie) tomorrow. It feels a lot later than 8:30. See you all soon, I hope!

Love to all, cause love is good!

Dancing Through Life

Dancing through life
Skimming the surface
Gliding where turf is smooth
Life's more painless
For the brainless
Why think too hard?
When it's so soothing
Dancing through life
No need to tough it
When you can sluff it off as I do
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It's just life
So keep dancing through...
~*~"Dancing Through Life" Wicked

That seems rather appropriate for right now. So there you have it.

I think I am more sick now than I was before. Oh well, I am still going to the movie. And I am doing my bio project so I can go to school tomorrow and go to the movies tomorrow night as well. I am determined to still see Finding Neverland as many times as possible.

Church was really cool this morning. It was a music service of peace songs. Though they brought up that there really aren't a lot of peace songs, there are much more anti-war songs. And most of you are probably saying peace is anti-war. Well first let me quote Rent: "The opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation." And secondly, this goes back to the way you look at it. You can look at trying to get rid of something, or you can focus on creating something else that is better in its place. Your choice.

Love to all cause love is good!

I Hope, I Think, I Know

They're trying hard to put me in my place
And that is why I've gotta keep running
The future is mine and it's no disgrace
Cos in the end the past means nothing
You tell me I'm free then you tie me down
And from my chains I think it's a pity
What did it cost you to wear my crown
You dont like me why don't you admit it

D'you feel a little down today?
Bet you ain't got much to say?
But your gonna miss me when I'm not there
You know I dont care, You know I dont care

As we beg and steal and borrow
Life is hit and miss and this
I Hope, I Think, I Know
And if I hear the names you call
If I stumble catch me when I fall
Cos baby after all, You'll never forget my name
~*~"I Hope, I Think, I Know" Oasis

So there you go. More things to think about, as I have been so faithfully doing at 3 in the morning for over a week now. I just haven't been able to sleep for days and days... I don't know why.

So tonight I went to a dinner at a church member's house. It was basically a thing for new members, which I'm not really, because I've gone to the church all my life, but I officially signed the book in October. (Cause you can't sign until you're a certain age and once I was I was then not frequenting church that frequently.)

Anywho. Mitch came over today for a few hours and we had fun. He brought this extremely strange card game that got really boring after a while, so he suicided all his cards and gave his AP points or whatever to me and I somehow won. *shurg* Don't ask, I don't plan on ever playing agian. We watched some good ol' Fairly Odd Parents and played a little bit of Game Cube (in which Mitch kicked my ass and then my brother kicked his ass) so all was just fascinating excitement.

I'm on now because I'm supposed to be talking to Leslie, but she isn't here... she's been idle for a while now. I can't believe I've been blown off! *gasp* Well! I'll show her! Yeah right. Can't do that. We're too cool. And we both know it... so we can never do anything to the other. We need eachother too much for our JDOCD (DON'T ASK unless you want to sit in a room with me for many many days as I read you articles and show you movies and talk and talk and talk about Johnny Depp. Trust me it happens. People die. Others come out half as crazy as me *cause you can't be as crazy, except Leslie* ok enough of that!)

So for now I'm just sitting here with my rants and musings raving, a few leaking out here and there into my typing. I really have some books I want to read that I should go tend to, but I'm kind of hoping Leslie will come back... She was here earlier, but I think wasn't on IM, so she became un-idle but still away-ish. Ok wow. That is quite an incoherent sentance. I'm not even going to try and rephrase it. Have fun with that one!

Haha this is what you get for reading the writings of a person who's on no sleep. It's sad that it's at this exact momnent, 10:52 and I am tired. Of course, there is no way I will be going to sleep, so I'm not even going to bother. So I'm just going to keep talking. Let me know how far you get before you decide you've had enough. It'll be a contest. The person who reads the most gets... um... I'll think of something good! Maybe by the end (hah) of this post, whenever that is. See you tomorrow, then!

I've been thinking a lot about what I do right in life. That's right, rather than focusing on bad things, I focus on good things now. Isn't that awesome for me??? It's a huge step that it's taken a long time to take. But look at this: if you focus on doing the things you do right, the things you do wrong won't be done anymore. They'll either become right too, or they'll go away. And before you say that's ridiculous (bull's pizzle, Mr. Barrie), how about just trying it? What harm can come of it? It's not going to ruin the good things, and the bad things are already bad, so who cares? It's up to you. I won't make you do anything. You all know that. Just think.

I've been telling you all to think a lot lately. Because actually thinking is different from just having thoughts. Haha, doesn't that sound like a paradox? Oh but it's not, my friends. If we define a thought as x (i.e "I'm hungry" "I have homework to do" "That idiot stole the TV. I was watching that!" "Johnny Depp is really hot!" well maybe that one's just me), then x= infinate possibilities. If thoughts = actions, we can call actions x squared. Thinking, however, is both a completely different field. It's on a different plane, if you will. Thinking is not x, because it doesn't result in any particular action. It's just thinking. In fact, thinking for me results in the non-action of not-sleeping.

Okay well my parents have actually figured out I should get off the computer. So have fun with my brain full of too much geometry and biology and I'll see you all later!

Love to all cause love is good!

Goodnight, Saigon

We met as soulmates on Parris Island
We left as inmates from an asylum
And we were sharp, as sharp as knives
And we were so gung-ho to lay down our lives

We had no cameras to shoot the landscape
We passed the hashpipe and played our doors tapes
And it was dark, so dark at night
And we held on to eachother
Like brother to brother
We promised our mother's we'd write

And we will all go down together
We said we'd all go down together
Yes we will all go down together

Remember Charlie
Remember Baker
They left their childhood on every acre
And who was wrong, and who was right?
It didn't matter in the thick of the fight

We held the day
In the plams
Of our hands
They ruled the night
And the night
Seemed to last as long as

Six weeks on Parris Island
We held the coastland, they held the highlands
And they were sharp, as sharp as knives
They heard the hum of our motors
They counted our rotors
And waited for us to arrive

And we will all go down together
We said we'd all go down together
Yes we will all go down together
~*~"Goodnight, Saigon" Billy Joel

Just some food for thought... It's an amazing song. Think about what you think it's about, and post your comments. Remind me to tell you later, like in a few days. Only if I get some comments!

Anywho. I feel sick today. I've been drinking tea with lemon and hot water with lemon and sucking on plain lemon and lemon cough drops and just for good measure, some more lemon. Ugh. Hopefully though Mitch will come over later. Then tonight I have a new church member's dinner to go to.

Tomorrow Molly and I *edit: and Alonzo (happy?)* are going to see Finding Neverland again. I might get to go on Monday too, with my family. That would be awesome because I haven't seen this movie nearly enough times!

Ok well still thoughts swirling... but only swirling, not writing. So I'm gonna go work on my bio project. Fun fun!

Love to all cause love is good!

When I'm Gone

There's another world inside of me that you may never see.
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.
Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.
Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind, maybe I'm just blind.

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good.

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin.
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends.
~*~"When I'm Gone" 3 Doors Down

Just another thought. Post 93

Defying Gravity

So if you care to find me
Look to the Western skies
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves a chance to fly

And if I'm flyin solo
At least flying free
To those who ground me:
Take a message back, from me

Tell them how I am defying gravity
I'm flying high defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down
~*~"Defying Gravity" Wicked

Just think about it for a bit... It's all I've been doing lately. Not specifically about that song, of course, but just about stuff...

In a strange turn of events, I don't feel like elaborating on those muses tonight. So I won't.

Anywho. In other business there was early dismissal today (yay) and parent teacher confrences (why bother?). So there's that. I had drama class, and I guess it's getting better. I still can't stand a couple of the kids, but oh well. There will be people like that and I can either accept them as they are or be difficult and complain about it while they never change. Now think about which sounds better to you.

With that, I think I'm going to be done for the night. I really don't have anything I'm willing to talk about, and there is no point in rambling on and on, as I and so many of my friends are prone to doing.

Love to all cause love is good!

One Week

It’s been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side
and said I’m angry
Five days since you laughed at me saying
Get that together come back and see me
Three days since the living room,
I realized it’s all my fault, but couldn’t tell you
Yesterday you’d forgiven me
But it’ll still be two days till I say I’m sorry
~*~"One Week" Barenaked Ladies

A *friend* of mine sent me this song to me today and told me that once upon a time it was going to be to amend things between us. He had lost it and was sending it to me now. He said that things are different now, because I *of course* did something else and so he is still *not* talking to me.
Let me just say he does the most *not* talking to me of anyone I've ever been not talking to. Hope you got all that.

So anywho. I don't know what to write about. This is really just to please Lonzi cause he was complainin. I guess he has nothing better to do during the day since he's still sick. I miss you baby!

On another boy note, Mitch came over on Saturday and we had a good time taking my puppy for a walk and sliding over ice ponds and (in Mitch's case) falling into them. Came home frozen-footed, but oh well.

Not much else for now. Short day tomorrow and drama class. See you all then

Love to all cause love is good!

.45

Send away for a priceless gift
One not subtle, one not on the list
Send away for a perfect world
One not simply, so absurd I
n these times of doing what you're told
Keep these feelings, no one knows

Whatever happened to the young man's heart Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart

Chorus: And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45, Swimming through the ashes of another life
No real reason to accept the way things have changed Staring down the barrel of a 45

Send a message to the unborn child
Keep your eyes open for a while
In a box high up on the shelf, left for you, no one else There's a piece of a puzzle known as life
Wrapped in guilt, sealed up tight

What ever happened to the young man's heart Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart

CHORUS

Everyone's pointing their fingers
Always condemning me
And nobody knows what I believe I believe
CHORUS
~*~".45" Shinedown

Ok so I haven't posted in about, um, a million years. There's so much to talk about, and no time for it all.

Well I'll just say that yesterday I met a Broadway producer and it was uber cool and exciting. Long story for another day. But anywho.

Actually I g2g. So hopefully I'll post again soon! Maybe tomorrow, if I miss school again. Because I am sick! woot woot. not really. hah. *tired*

Love to all cause love is good!