This Night

Didn’t I say
I wasn’t ready for a romance
Didn’t we promise
We would only be friends
And so we danced
Though it was only a slow dance
I started breaking my promises
Right there and then
Didn’t I swear
There would be no complications
Didn’t you want
Someone who’s seen it all before
Now that you’re here
It’s not the same situation
Suddenly I don’t remember the rules anymore
This night is mine
It’s only you and i
Tomorrow
Is a long time away
This night can last forever
I’ve been around
Someone like me should know better
Falling in love
Would be the worst thing I could do
Didn’t I sayI needed time to forget her
Aren’t you running from someone
Who’s not over you
How many nights
Have I been lonely without you
I tell myself
How much I really don’t care
How many nights
Have I been thinking about you
Wanting to hold you
But knowing you would not be there
This night
You’re mine
It’s only you and i
I’ll tell you
To forget yesterday
This night we are together
This night
Is mine
It’s only you and i
Tomorrow
Is such a long time away
This night can last forever
TomorrowIs such a long time away
This night can last forever
~*~"This Night" Billy Joel, Movin' Out

I love that song... It's the ringtone on my *ish* phone but like it got attacked by music box/icecream truck version of it. It's pretty cool.

So the party tonight was much fun! There were a lot of people. Mike, Mike, Madalyn, Olivia, Stephanie, Andy, Frank, Jaime, Mitch, Amanda, Rachael, and Malcolm were all over. And we were all hanging out in the basement just talking. It was a good thing we had floor pillows. lol.

Unfortunately, Emilie and Tina had to go to a friend's birthday party instead. Mike Tepeli left early to go as well. Eventually the last people left were Mike Padden, Jaime, and Malcolm, and we watched Moulin Rouge until they all left around 1:15 ish. We all had a good time though I think.

The show went well tonight. I'm gonna be so sad when it's over. I'll miss so many of these people... I missed them in between shows last week! What am I gonna do not seeing them at all? I will be very very sad. Emilie's bringing us food between shows tomorrow, and then we have our cast party after the second show, and then it will be all over. I won't be surprised if I cry. I think I'll have to bring another camera tomorrow. The one I've got is just about empty. I like taking pictures. lol.

Ok I'm really sad now. I just put myself in a really shitty mood. I'm gonna go I think and do... I dunno what. But I really don't have anything else to write about anyway. So. Yeah. Happy birthday Frank and Emilie! (and Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling. ;) lol.)

Love to all cause love is good!

Emilie's Profile

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Oh and I don't knowI don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

Stole that out of Emilie's profile cause it's really fuckin cool. I don't know what's up... I been home for a whle now, but she's still away. I dunno if she went to bed or what. But like no one else is on so I'm really bored as hell.

I guess it's Frank's birthday now, so happy birthday Frank! lol. I got him a birthday card that I'll give to him at the show tomorrow *tonight*. And I have a card for Emilie that she'll get Sunday. Yay for giving! lol.

So tonight after the show a bunch of people went out to Tattler's, so the rest of us went to Denny's. Us being me, Emilie, Mike, Stephanie, Andrew, Reid, and Tina. It was fun though. Having a smaller group was kind of nice. We got to actually talk. It was a little weird for me though, because I was the only person there who doesn't go to Lincolnway or live out there or whatever. But it was fun.

I went to see I Love Dogs with my family. The movie was ok. My favorite part was the RENT trailer before it started. I practically fell our of my seat and my mom spend the next 10 minutes making fun of me. But whatever. That is gonna be such a fuckin awesome movie. I can't wait. Ahhh! Mifnight showing for sure.

Not much else to report for now I guess. More tomorrow night, most likely. I dunno how tired I'll be after I have a bunch of people over! woot!

Love to all cause love is good!

Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You

Gaze into her killing jar
I'd sometimes stare for hours
She even poked the holes so I can breathe
She bought the last line
I'm just the worst kind
Of guy to argue
With what you might find
And for the last night I lie
Could I lie with you?
Alright, give up, get down
It’s just the hardest part of living
Alright, she wants
It all has to come down this time
Lost in the prescription she's got something else in mind.
Check into the Hotel Bella Muerte.
It gives the weak flight.
It gives the blind sight,
Until the cops come,
Or by the last light.
And for the last night I lie.
Could I lie next to you?
Alright, give up. Get down.
It’s just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants. It all has to come down this time.
Alright, give up. Get down.
It’s just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants. It all has to come down this time.
Pull the plug.
But I'd like to learn your name.
And holding on,
Well I hope you do the same.
Awww, sugar.
Slip into the tragedy you've spun this chamber dry.
Alright, give up. Get down.
It’s just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants. It all has to come down this time.
Alright, give up. Get down.
It’s just the hardest part of living.
Alright, she wants. It all has to come down this time.
Pull the plug.
But I'd like to learn your name.
And holding on,
Well I hope you do the same.
Awww, sugar.
~*~ "Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You"

People have said something like that to me before... "Don't be too busy! You're gonna tire yourself out!" (from my granparents) "Are you ever gonna stop? You're gonna die young." Thanks guys. (Friends!)

Anywho. So I finally have another show tomorrow! Been waiting all week... Emilie and me both. lol. The review came out today and it was really awesome. I was sad though cause she didn't talk about Mike and Emilie! Rip off... But it was a good review.

So I'm still not sleeping like a normal person... but whatever. I don't mind. I'll catch up sometime before school starts. Maybe. That's in like 3 weeks! Ugh.

I found out Alan is in a show downtown... I'm totally gonna go see him next week! Ahh! And then hopefully The Fantasticks on Thursday, then a day off before I leave for New York. When I get back I'll see Anne of Green Gables and hopefully Frank's show. So plenty of theatre. Yay! That's the best!

Ok well not too much to write now. There will be more tomorrow night, I'm sure, after the show. Who know's where we'll go? Hey I rhymed! Wow I'm tired.

Love to all cause love is good!

Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same

All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me.
~*~"Here Without You" 3 Doors Down

I picked that one cause it's on my ipod 3 times. Molly's computer and my ipod don't agree, so it made a playlist for me and everything's a little messed up. But I have music now, so I'm not complaining.

It has been a very weird day. I wasn't at the theatre at all. That hasn't happened in like 2 weeks or something. Imagine what it will be like after Sunday... Project SAM will be over and the show will be over. I won't be back at the theatre until I have class in September. That's WEIRD.

I'm hungry. Well that's not surprising. Normally I would be eating dinner now. Man I'm fucked. Whatever. I can go eat something now if I want to. I'm not going to bed. I'll do some yoga and then eat. Oooh that sounds good.

I miss the Fiddler cast... they're so much fun. Nothing is going on here. People don't realize I'm available so they don't call so I have nothing to do. I went to the pool today, but no one was there. I ended up falling asleep listening to music and so now I have a really bad sunburn. I never tan... I'm white as hell and then i fucking burn. Ah, the joys of life.

Oh so I have 2 more quotes from my book! Yay! Ok so numer uno - "People who believe they are strong willed and the masters of their destiny can only continue to believe this by becoming specialists in self-deception." Fascinating, isn't it. Quite true, in my opinion. At least to some extent. Ok now I'm not making any sense. Whatever. Numero dos - "I don't believe this nonsense about time. Time is just common, it's like water for a fish. Everybody's in this water, nobody gets out of it, or if he does the same thing happens to him that happens to the fish, he dies. And you know what happens in this water, time? The big fish eat the little fish. That's all. The big fish eat the little fish and the ocean doesn't care." Both of those are from Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin. Good stuff, really.

I'm not sure I have much else to say at this point. I think I'm gonna do some yoga and some food. I wish Mike Padden could give me a massage right now my back aches like a bitch. Well maybe yoga will help.

Love to all cause love is good!

Untitled

How interesting that I titled it that. Intentionally. Anywho. So I made my poetry blog. It's called Driven By Silence. Here's the link... put it in your favorites, visit all the time, and for the love of pete - no, the love of Johnny - please comment. That's why I wanted to create that blog - so people will tell me what they think of my work. So go, enjoy, and tell me what you think!

Love to all cause love is good!

The Sun

After school
Walking home
Fresh dirt under my fingernails
And I can smell hot asphalt
Cars screech to a halt to let me pass A
nd I cannot remember
What life was like through photographs
Trying to recreate images life gives us from our past

And sometimes it's a sad song

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun

Moving on down the street
I see people I won't ever meet
Think of her, take a breath
Feel the beat in the rhythm of my steps

And sometimes it's a sad song

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun

The rhythm of her conversation
The perfection of her creation
The sex she slipped into my coffee
The way she felt when she first saw me
Hate to love and love to hate her
Like a broken record player
Back and forth and here and gone
And on and on and on and on
~*~"The Sun" Maroon 5

Can't sleep. Don't have anywhere to be tonight (for once), but I can't sleep. I'm used to being awake at this time. Actually, I haven't even been home at this time of night for a week now. I won't go to bed for a few hours, at least.

So after dinner tonight I went out for a while by myself. Went over to the the library to pick up a few books. I got the Fantasticks and Bye Bye Birdie soundtracks too. Then I stopped off at Walgreens and got Arizona green tea (one of my fave. non-alcoholic drinks ever!), some orbit gum, and eclipse mints cause those are the best. {I know this is all just so fascinating to all of you readers out there. ;) hah.} On my way back home I met Karli and Lauryn, who I hadn't seen in ages, so we talked for like half an hour, even though it was really fucking humid and I really wanted to go take a shower. It wasn't hot today, but it was really humid. My hair got all curly and frizzy and gross. I bet Emilie's hair stayed nice and pretty and straight though. She's so lucky!

So I've been messing with my computer trying to get my new ipod mini to work, but apparently my computer's software is too old. So I can't transfer any music right now. Should be going over to Molly's later to take hers instead. Half her stuff is from me anyway - either I got her interested in it, or I bought her the cd or whatever. Anywho.

Oh my god! Tons of pop-ups! Ahhh! lol. Seriously though, I'm getting one every 2 seconds. It's crazy. And making this take a long time. Granted, I don't have much specifically to write about. But I feel like writing nonetheless.

I'm thinking of starting another blog for my poetry stuff. I think that would be cool. I do actually have a website for it all, but I'm so far behind in updating that. My computer was being crap and I couldn't use rich text editor, and since I don't know HTML, I couldn't edit/create new pages. So maybe I'll go work on that and then come back here with an update of a link or something.

Real quick I want to share a quote - "But people can't, unhappily, invent their mooring post, their lovers and their friends, anymore than they can invent their parents. Life gives these and also takes them awa and the great difficulty is to say Yes to life. " - Giovanni's Room, James Baldwin. I find that quite an interesting statement. Drop me a comment to let me know what you think.

Love to all cause love is good!

Yellow

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow."

So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all "Yellow."

Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.

I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.

Cos you were all "Yellow,"
I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all "Yellow."

Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know for you,
I'd bleed myself dry for you,
I'd bleed myself dry.

It's true, look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine.

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do
~*~"Yellow" Coldplay

Didn't get around to posting last night *this morning* cause even though I went online when I got home, I was downloading an update and so my computer was too slow to let me post. BTW if I actually made those lyrics yellow you wouldn't be able to read them.

Had a good time last night. Hung out at Mike Padden's until about 1:30. Mike T. drove me there and home of course. We just sat around talking for a long time. Even though we got out earlier because the play was at 7:30, we stayed longer than usual. It was fun. I got to spend a couple hours playing with Mike T.'s hair. He has nice hair for running your fingers through. lol.

In between shows we went to Fuddruckers, which was cool, but most of the people who went ate too much food and it made for an interesting performing experience. To the other actors and actresses out there who read this, I'll tell you based on others' experiences - don't eat a lot before a show. Especially not those burgers that everyone had. It's not a good idea. ;)

Had 2 good shows yesterday. I'm sorry the first weekend is over already. I'm gonna miss seeing these people all the time. Like already it's wierd that I'm not seeing them for 5 days or whatever. I can't imagine what it will be like after the show is over. This certainly isn't the role I want to play forever, because I hate looking so young and having so few lines, but I do hope a summerfest next year all my fave. people will be back and I'll have a bigger part. That would be awesome. I really hope Mike, Emilie, Tina, Reid, and Mike come back. They're all a lot of fun. But we'll see, I guess. We'll see.

Hopefully I'll be going to see The Fantastiks the first week in August before I leave for New York. Mike and Mike are in it and I want to go see them! I know I'm going to Anne of Green Gables on the 19th. I'll get to see Cara in that, which will be fun. (She plays Hodel in our production, for those who don't know.) Then hopefully later in the month I can go up and see Frank in his show in Woodale, "Love, Sex, and the IRS." I was helping him run lines yesterday and the show seems really funny. I love Frank. He's so fucking hilarious.

Look at this. I go from no posts at all to posting almost every day, and these are long posts too. Hmh. Just feeling talkative I guess. But it's all good.

I went to bed around 4 last night *this morning* and had to get up at 8 for Project SAM. This is the last week! Thank goodness. I don't know how much more of those kids I can take. So I took a nap this afternoon for about 2 1/2 hours. That was nice. I haven't taken a nap in a long time.

I can't wait for the show this weekend. I had so much fun I just want to do it again. We're a partying kind of people and we go out every night. It's awesome. Sunday night will be sad. So we won't think about that for now. Saturday night will be fun... people are coming over here to hang out. And I won't be kicking them out at any time of night. ;)

Ok well it's about time for me to go eat. Maybe more late tonight. We'll see how tired I am and what I'm up to. I don't know what my plans are. Give me a call if you wanna hang out - cell 306-8992

Love to all cause love is good!

Midnight Show

We were just in time
Let me take a little more off your mind
There's something in my hair
Somewhere in the back says
We were just a good thing
We were such a good thing
Make it go away without a word
But promise me you'll stay and fix these things I'm hurt
Oh make it go away
I drive faster boy
Crashing time can't hide a guilty girl
With jealous hearts that start with gloss and curls
I took my baby’s breath beneath the chandelier
Of stars in atmosphere
And watched her disappear
Into the midnight show
~*~"Midnight Show" The Killers

Felt appropriate, because I had my own little midnight show tonight. ;)

Went out to Applebee's again. Rode with Mike P. tonight. He is like a god on earth. He gave me the greatest massage of my life. Seriously it's almost sinful to talk about. Now I know what Dimples (lol) was talking about. Dimples is Mike Tippeli. But we call him that because we can. Plus it will be less confusing for my purposes than talking about 2 Mike's.

Dimples didn't go out with us tonight. He had to go home to his family or something. So I sat with Frank, Judy, Bernie, and Jaime at dinner. Frank is fucking hilarious. And what the hell, he worked with Sean Hayes at a theatre back in the '90s! He was like... yeah I should be getting my card from Sean in a couple days. (His birthday is on Saturday.)

I just got up to watch the TV guide channel, and I'm like, isn't there any good shit on? Answer: NO! Why am I not surprised? *The best kind of prize is a SURprize!*

So next Saturday I'm having people over to my house to hang out after the show. It's gonna kick ass. Theatre people are the best in the world, cause they just love to do what you do. I can't connect to most people the way I do with castmates. (Not including teen workshop crap. Most of those people make me want to actually commit suicide, as happens so often in the plays I'm cast in.) Anywho. Yeah.

Oh man. It's an infomercial for contry superstars. That's unfortunate. Very. Whatever. I still have no good movies down here. It may have to be Nemo again tonight cause I'm not tired at all. I wish I had people I could call right now. I bet at least a third of the cast is up. I could name them, but you guys don't know who they are, so... Yeah.

Oooh. I'm gonna go have a mudslide. We have the mix in the fridge... I'll just add some ice cream. So more later maybe guys. My sleep schedule is so fucked. But I couldn't care less.

Love to all cause love is good!

You & I Both

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
And taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
What you and I spoke of
Others only dream of the love that I love

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive
Now you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of and others just read of
and if you could see now well I'm already finally out of

and it's okay if you have go away
just remember the telephone works both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring
if nothing else I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that's okay
cause I'll remember everything you sang

you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of words.
~*~"You & I Both" Jason Mraz

I don't actually listen to Jason Mraz. But Mike was listening to it tonight so I had to put one on here just cause people were making fun of him for it. lol. Anyway.

I just got home. After the show tonight some of us went out to Applebee's to eat cause we were all so damn hungry after the show. Plus it was just fun. And I didn't want to go home. So now everyone here is sleeping, which is good cause I'm wide awake, which brings me here.

Thanks Mike for driving me around. And Emilie's right. Your car does smell nice. ;) Good stuff. I hope I have a nice car like you someday. Or a... haha like I'd say that online! Anywho.

So we had a good time. Let's see... who went... me, Mike, Emilie, Tina, Reid, Judy, Bernie, Frank, Mike P., Andrew, and Stephanie. I think we're going out again tomorrow... more people will go then, when they're not so tired. But I guess we're the hard core or whatever. hah. But it's nice to be going out with people rather than sitting at home, cause all my friends are too lazy to do anything.

The show was awesome tonight. Everyone did a really good job, and I didn't fuck up any props. Thanks Em for reminding me about the shirt. I was so worried something with the props was gonna go wrong. Now I know why Chris was always double and triple checking his stuff during the season. You get really nervous! But yeah, the show was awesome. We had a sold out house that was a really great audience.

Wow they play shit music videos at this time of the morning. Normally I'd be watching a movie, but they're all in my room which is currently occupied by my sleeping grandmother. So I'll leave that alone for the night.But I've got to find something else. I can't listen to rap. Sorry. Anywho. (Everyone else's movies are down here so I put on Finding Nemo.)

Wow. I feel really talkative tonight. Guys I leave in 2 weeks for New York! I'm so excited. But I have a shitload of homework to do before I go, because when I get back I'll have like a week till school. But that's boring shit I don't wanna talk about.

So let's see... what's interesting to talk about? Not much really. Oh. I went to the Art Institute today. It actually wasn't bad. Rachael and I didn't have to watch any kids, so we wandered around, and then went with Etel to visit David Perkovich's shop (you non-theatre people don't know who he is). He has a cool artsy store. So then after we were done there, we went to the architechture store and the orchestra store. It was really awesome. The only thing that sucked was the school-bus ride home with 20 screaming children. Ugh. All in all it wasn't bad though.

I'm just not tired!!! AAAGGGHHH. What the fuck... Can't sleep. I really need to though. Oh look. My buddy list is alerting me that my away message is on. How nice. Like I didn't know. Thanks. Whatever. This post is gonna seem like a piece of shit if I read it later. Too bad.

I wish I had a bunch of interesting things to write about... Like I was out with cool people doing cool things. Actually I was! And I wrote about it! Wow. Ok well then I guess I'm done for now. Yay! Pretty colors! Oh and happy birthday to Dan, who's 16 today!

Love to all cause love is good!

Wonka's Welcome Song

Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka...
The amazing chocolatier
Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka...
Everybody give a cheer
(Hooray!)

He's modest, clever, and so smart,
He barely can retain it.
With so much generosity,
There is nowhere to contain it...
To contain it... to contain... to contain... to contain.

Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka...
He's the one that you're about to meet
Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka...
He's a genius who just can't be beat,
A magician and a chocolate wiz...
The best darn guy who ever lived.
Willy Wonka here he is!
~*~"Wonka's Welcome Song" Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Hey guys. So glad I can finally post. I haven't been online in a couple weeks. Between Project SAM, Fiddler rehearsal, and the home introduction I had on Sunday, I've had no time for anything else.

Thursday night Molly, my mom, and I went to a midnight showing of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was so awesome! I'm going to see it again tomorrow. Yay! It's really really funny. Just truly ridiculous. But of course that's Johnny.

Then on Friday night after rehearsal Jamie and I met Molly and Borders for the Harry Potter party thing. I wanted to go to the one in Oak Park, but obviously with rehearsal, we didn't have time to get there. We had a good time anyway, and I bought Cry Baby on dvd and the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory soundtrack.

I was extremely busy on Saturday, cleaning and such. The Empire guys came to put down new carpet in the basement and then we had to clean up for Sunday. I had very little time to read on Saturday and Sunday. So Monday I shot through several hundred pages of the book, both at Project SAM and at Jaime's house in the evening, and then I finished it this morning. Quite depressing, I know. I should have read the whole thing on Saturday as I alwats do, but I didn't have the time. It sucked. But now I'm done. It was sooo good. I can't wait for the next one. Of course it was shocking and I cried cause... well I won't spoil it so soon. You guys get a while to catch up. When I do want to talk about it, I'll make it the grey that matches the background. That means you have to highlight it if you want to read it.

Anywho. I open on Friday. Hopefully things will slow down then. My grandma got here today. She'll be here for 2 weeks for Sam's birthday on Thursday.

I'm tired and it's late. I gotta be up early tomorrow for work and I haven't been getting much sleep. More when I have time.

To anonymous, if you want to talk to me (because I can't talk to you if I don't know who you are), send me an e-mail or call me or IM me. I wanna talk!

Love to all cause love is good!