All that I wanted were things I had before
All that I needed I never needed more
All of my questions are answers to my sins
And all of my endings are waiting to begin.
~~*~~ Slipknot "Circle"
Wow. So I haven't posted in a while! Um, not alot's been going on. I was at a family reunion in South Dakota this past week, and that was bundles of joy. (NOT)
I got Secret Window on DVD, and that IS bundles of joy, because Johnny Depp is the most wonderful thing on the planet. I love DVDs, too, because they give movie - junkies like me all this fun behind the scenes stuff. I love featurettes with interviews and stuffs.
Chi Chi came over today and we talked for, like, 2 hours. It was good. I haven't seen her since school ended. And now she's leaving me for New Jersey. :( *Tears*
One good thing, though, is my new Slipknot CD which has lots of very cool music on it. (As does 'Take a Look in the Mirror'. Right Now and Y'all want a Single are both much better on the CD than on the radio. hah.)
Still waiting for my DVD from my cousin Leslie. She's sending me "The Brave" which is one of the 3 Johnny Depp movies I haven't seen yet, and this is the one he wrote, directed, and starred in. YAY!
Righteo. Well I have been quite busy lately, and very tired due to lack of sleep, and because right now I am feeling so lazy, I am not going to write any more. Perhaps tomorrow, or even later tonight. Caio! (And Chi, thanks for everything!)
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
No Oasis
Still stuck in the same shithole i've been in. Now it's just getting tiring. I finally did talk to Ryan today, but I don't think I figured anything out.
People are annoying, especailly when they're shy. And also when they're lars and betrayers. But I'm tired of talking about that. Umm... what else is there...
Oh yea. Stared my new dance class today at American Dance Center in Homewood. It's a cool place. I like it, I think. Definately different from Field Crest. I'm going to miss Donna and Derryl. But I think I can get used to having classmates who like working and dancing. I think I can even deal with the fact that we're dancing to 'Toxic' *puke* because our warm-up music was White Stripes. How can someone like Spears and White Stripes? Go figure. Lots of things don't make sense in the world.
People are annoying, especailly when they're shy. And also when they're lars and betrayers. But I'm tired of talking about that. Umm... what else is there...
Oh yea. Stared my new dance class today at American Dance Center in Homewood. It's a cool place. I like it, I think. Definately different from Field Crest. I'm going to miss Donna and Derryl. But I think I can get used to having classmates who like working and dancing. I think I can even deal with the fact that we're dancing to 'Toxic' *puke* because our warm-up music was White Stripes. How can someone like Spears and White Stripes? Go figure. Lots of things don't make sense in the world.
Escaping the Sanctuary
To get to where I want to be I must first find where I am
And I have found that I now reside in the village of the damned.
Not alot to say right now, just wanted to post in case anybody felt like reading. I'll probably be on again later, but right now I'm bored and need something to distract me.
I'm in the middle of a fight with my friend, via AIM. Long story, but all I can say is all this arguing better pay off cause I'm tired of it. I didn't even want to in the first place, fight, I mean, but it seems to be the only thing to fix this because non of my friends notice wben I'm mad, so I have to instigate angry conversations.
Write more later. Probably things won't be different, but it will feel good to write anyway.
And I have found that I now reside in the village of the damned.
Not alot to say right now, just wanted to post in case anybody felt like reading. I'll probably be on again later, but right now I'm bored and need something to distract me.
I'm in the middle of a fight with my friend, via AIM. Long story, but all I can say is all this arguing better pay off cause I'm tired of it. I didn't even want to in the first place, fight, I mean, but it seems to be the only thing to fix this because non of my friends notice wben I'm mad, so I have to instigate angry conversations.
Write more later. Probably things won't be different, but it will feel good to write anyway.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Fingers on Fire
The darkness is consuming me
I try to light my fingers so I can see
10 little candles burning in the vast
Land of things that never last
Okay haven't written because... um... oh yeah! My computer got fucked up! Hah! Isn't that just fantastic!
Yeah so incase you can't tell, I'm not in an especially good mood. But if you guys know what's been going on lately, that can't be a big surprise for you. I mean, still things aren't getting better since Thursday, and other things were bad before that.
6.20.04 - Father's Day
Okay I was home by myself for alot of the day because my parents were working at my brother's soccer tournament. So I watched Y Tu Mama Tambien while they weren't home, and I'm glad I did. I don't know if any of you know what that movie's about, but you can check at the video store. I wanted to see it because Alfonso Cuaron was the director, and he did HP3 as well.
Anywho. I also made dinner for my dad yesterday, in a gesture of niceness type stuff. Hah. It was just spaghetti, because I'm not a great cook, but both my parents appreciated not having to make dinner, having it on the table when they came home from work.
6.21.04 - 1 Year!
It's the official one year anniversary of HP5 being out. I can't believe it's been a year already. That means only 2 more till the next book, maybe. Hah. That's okay. I get HP4 the movie November 18 of next year. So I have something to count down to. Right guys? I'm such a nerd. That's okay, I know it.
6.21.04 - Finally Talked to Tommy
I haven't seen Tommy in over two weeks, for the first time in a long time. I miss him! Actually, I hadn't talked to him in over two weeks until tonight. It's good to talk to him. He gave me lots of advice, but unfortunately, none of it's any good until I can talk to Ryan, who seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth.
Which just leaves me with one thing to say - and that is if I don't start talking to people soon, I will go crazy. Especially if I can't talk to Ryan. Will somebody please call me? (And get this crazy kid to call me, or IM me, or e-mail me, or anything?)
I try to light my fingers so I can see
10 little candles burning in the vast
Land of things that never last
Okay haven't written because... um... oh yeah! My computer got fucked up! Hah! Isn't that just fantastic!
Yeah so incase you can't tell, I'm not in an especially good mood. But if you guys know what's been going on lately, that can't be a big surprise for you. I mean, still things aren't getting better since Thursday, and other things were bad before that.
6.20.04 - Father's Day
Okay I was home by myself for alot of the day because my parents were working at my brother's soccer tournament. So I watched Y Tu Mama Tambien while they weren't home, and I'm glad I did. I don't know if any of you know what that movie's about, but you can check at the video store. I wanted to see it because Alfonso Cuaron was the director, and he did HP3 as well.
Anywho. I also made dinner for my dad yesterday, in a gesture of niceness type stuff. Hah. It was just spaghetti, because I'm not a great cook, but both my parents appreciated not having to make dinner, having it on the table when they came home from work.
6.21.04 - 1 Year!
It's the official one year anniversary of HP5 being out. I can't believe it's been a year already. That means only 2 more till the next book, maybe. Hah. That's okay. I get HP4 the movie November 18 of next year. So I have something to count down to. Right guys? I'm such a nerd. That's okay, I know it.
6.21.04 - Finally Talked to Tommy
I haven't seen Tommy in over two weeks, for the first time in a long time. I miss him! Actually, I hadn't talked to him in over two weeks until tonight. It's good to talk to him. He gave me lots of advice, but unfortunately, none of it's any good until I can talk to Ryan, who seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth.
Which just leaves me with one thing to say - and that is if I don't start talking to people soon, I will go crazy. Especially if I can't talk to Ryan. Will somebody please call me? (And get this crazy kid to call me, or IM me, or e-mail me, or anything?)
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Endings
All my darkened, soulless kin
Have many endings waiting to begin
Things haven't gotten better since I wrote on Thursday. I talked to Chi for a long time though, and it felt good to just talk and talk and talk. I said something that she really liked and posted in her blog:
=="why is it that sometimes things go really well, and other times they fall apart at the seams, and you fell like you're going to fall through the net that is your life, holding you in place. and sometimes you do fall though, into the scary darkness where nothing is and you're all alone, even if other people are there. and then there's only one person who can pull you back out, but you never know who it is. and you've already done it once. but now i'm there again and it's the same scary nothingness. how can nothing be scary?"
I just really love that how LinZ wrote that. . .Can seriously connect to it.==
It feels good to have her here for me. I don't know what I'll do while she's gone to NJ. And to think that she was going to move there! What would I have done then?
6.17.04 - A Situation Explained
I never really wrote anything that had to do much with my 3 Years couplet. I mean, I touched on it in 'And the beat goes on' but I think that still left everyone in the dark, except maybe Chi. So I'll tell you what I'm comfortable explaining, anything that isn't private.
Basically I'm just having relationship issues. And I don't mean just with Ryan, I mean with everyone. No one seems to think about me anymore, and I'm tired of putting all the work into every friendship I have. So I've cut myself off from everyone, to see if they'll ever ask what's wrong, or try to figure out why I've suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth. So far, no one has called or e-mail me asking me what's up, including my former best friend and my former friend who blew me off and then never explained why or said sorry. The only people who even wished me a happy birthday on my birthday were people at school. And I think most of them didn't even care, they just did it to be polite. I hate everyone lying and pretending to be my friend when they're really not. I think it would be easier for everyone if you all just gave up and came clean and then left me alone. If you really want to be friends with me, SHOW IT. Apparently I'm stupid because I've only seen about 4 people who have shown any signs of caring about me. And that's very depressing. So if any of you have been wondering why I've been depressed lately (not that you would have noticed), now you know.
Well I have to go for now, because I have a dance recital today and I have to leave in less than an hour. But feel free to call if you'd like to discuss the above accusations I've just made.
Chi, I love you. Thanks for everything.
Have many endings waiting to begin
Things haven't gotten better since I wrote on Thursday. I talked to Chi for a long time though, and it felt good to just talk and talk and talk. I said something that she really liked and posted in her blog:
=="why is it that sometimes things go really well, and other times they fall apart at the seams, and you fell like you're going to fall through the net that is your life, holding you in place. and sometimes you do fall though, into the scary darkness where nothing is and you're all alone, even if other people are there. and then there's only one person who can pull you back out, but you never know who it is. and you've already done it once. but now i'm there again and it's the same scary nothingness. how can nothing be scary?"
I just really love that how LinZ wrote that. . .Can seriously connect to it.==
It feels good to have her here for me. I don't know what I'll do while she's gone to NJ. And to think that she was going to move there! What would I have done then?
6.17.04 - A Situation Explained
I never really wrote anything that had to do much with my 3 Years couplet. I mean, I touched on it in 'And the beat goes on' but I think that still left everyone in the dark, except maybe Chi. So I'll tell you what I'm comfortable explaining, anything that isn't private.
Basically I'm just having relationship issues. And I don't mean just with Ryan, I mean with everyone. No one seems to think about me anymore, and I'm tired of putting all the work into every friendship I have. So I've cut myself off from everyone, to see if they'll ever ask what's wrong, or try to figure out why I've suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth. So far, no one has called or e-mail me asking me what's up, including my former best friend and my former friend who blew me off and then never explained why or said sorry. The only people who even wished me a happy birthday on my birthday were people at school. And I think most of them didn't even care, they just did it to be polite. I hate everyone lying and pretending to be my friend when they're really not. I think it would be easier for everyone if you all just gave up and came clean and then left me alone. If you really want to be friends with me, SHOW IT. Apparently I'm stupid because I've only seen about 4 people who have shown any signs of caring about me. And that's very depressing. So if any of you have been wondering why I've been depressed lately (not that you would have noticed), now you know.
Well I have to go for now, because I have a dance recital today and I have to leave in less than an hour. But feel free to call if you'd like to discuss the above accusations I've just made.
Chi, I love you. Thanks for everything.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
3 Years
It's been 3 years since I've felt good
It's been 3 years since I've done what I should
I don't know why all this has happened to me
But can someone take away this misery?
6.17.04 - And the beat goes on
So now I see nothing has really changed since 6th grade. And I'm tired of it. I'm really tired of it all. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you're probably a part of it. Actually, even if you do know what I'm talking about you may be a part of it. And I'm done. I'm finished dealing with it all.
What are friends?
It's been 3 years since I've done what I should
I don't know why all this has happened to me
But can someone take away this misery?
6.17.04 - And the beat goes on
So now I see nothing has really changed since 6th grade. And I'm tired of it. I'm really tired of it all. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you're probably a part of it. Actually, even if you do know what I'm talking about you may be a part of it. And I'm done. I'm finished dealing with it all.
What are friends?
Betrayed, Again
I'm tired of the betrayal and lies,
Sick of the secret hate in your eyes
I can't stand unfaithful friends
Today is when everything ends.
6.16.04 - Project SAM
Rachael and I had a ball yesterday. She and I were helping with dance class, and Rachael has admitted to not being able to dance, so our mission was to teach her. It was a lot of fun. The two of us went kind of crazy, we started laughing and couldn't stop, so all the kids were looking at us like we were insane, which we probably were. But whatever. It was the first really good time I'd had in a while.
6.16.04 - The dance rehearsal that never ends
Okay so I have my dance recital on Saturday, and yesterday was the last rehearsal at the studio. I got there at 5:45 for a 6pm rehearsal and didn't leave until 10:30. I was exhausted and had to listen to hip hop/rap crap music with the bass pumped up all the way home.
So I slept in real late today and haven't done anything yet. I'm going to the pool later though. Been having a bit of a problem with Ryan lately. I mean, yeah we saw Van Helsing on Monday, but he and I haven't talked much and apparently he hasn't been telling me things I should know, according to his best friend. (Ironic that his best friend would tell on him to me, someone he's never met. I hope my non-existant best friend would never do that.)
That's about it for now. I'll probably write later or something. I don't know.
Sick of the secret hate in your eyes
I can't stand unfaithful friends
Today is when everything ends.
6.16.04 - Project SAM
Rachael and I had a ball yesterday. She and I were helping with dance class, and Rachael has admitted to not being able to dance, so our mission was to teach her. It was a lot of fun. The two of us went kind of crazy, we started laughing and couldn't stop, so all the kids were looking at us like we were insane, which we probably were. But whatever. It was the first really good time I'd had in a while.
6.16.04 - The dance rehearsal that never ends
Okay so I have my dance recital on Saturday, and yesterday was the last rehearsal at the studio. I got there at 5:45 for a 6pm rehearsal and didn't leave until 10:30. I was exhausted and had to listen to hip hop/rap crap music with the bass pumped up all the way home.
So I slept in real late today and haven't done anything yet. I'm going to the pool later though. Been having a bit of a problem with Ryan lately. I mean, yeah we saw Van Helsing on Monday, but he and I haven't talked much and apparently he hasn't been telling me things I should know, according to his best friend. (Ironic that his best friend would tell on him to me, someone he's never met. I hope my non-existant best friend would never do that.)
That's about it for now. I'll probably write later or something. I don't know.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
It didn't quite rain
Today there wasn't quite enough rain
To wash away what's causing my pain
I've decided there shall be, from hence fourth, a couplet at the beginning of each entry. I suppose it would be considered fortunate that I have already decided this, thus resulting in consistency throughout my entries. Quite handy, does thou not think?
Okay I'm done talking like a Shakespeare character now.
Anywho, not much has gone on. Yesterday was really just a test to make sure my blog was working. Now I must recap today and yesterday, starting with the latter.
6.14.04 - The first day of Project SAM
My summer job has officially begun. I'm working at the theatre again, helping out with the Summer Arts Marathon. It's fun working at the theatre. I love little kids, and of course I love drama, writing and dance. I have the first memeber of my little kid entourage - each year I have a few little kids who are my favorites, who talk to me all the time. Yesterday I met Devon, who's 6 and is afraid of thunderstorms, which is how I got to know him. I sat with him while he cried during the storm that we had yesterday morning.
6.14.04 - Van Helsing
I went and saw Van Helsing with Ryan at Marcus yesterday. It's a cool movie. I love Hugh Jackman. ;)
6.14.04 - Morbid Intrigue
Today is the first day of my new blog. I had one before, but it died on me, curtosy of blog.com, so I am now trying one here, since everyone else seems to like this place.
6.15.04 - Orthodontics.
Had an ever-so-wonderful (NOT) ortho appointment today. Thanks to some painful tool, my front teeth no longer have those annoying little ridges on the bottom - so I have straight, flat-edged teeth. YAY!
6.15.04 - The Zoo, Literally
Okay so today I was supposed to go to the Zoo with my family and Sam's friend and his family. Well, of course, this was not in the least bit interesting to me. I'm not especially fond of the zoo, nor is the idea of hanging out with my brothers' friends the least bit appealing. But I was sentenced to go by my mother.
6.15.04 - Saved by the Becca
Intervention, curtosy of my friend Becca, saved me from the zoo. She called and invited me to come to Adventure Trails today. So I got to stay home by myself and then spend a couple hours at the arcade with Becca.
6.15.04 - Arizona Dream
I watched Arizonaa Dream (Johny Depp!) for the third time today. I love Johnny Depp movies. They make me happy. I watched it once on Friday, and once on Sunday when I was pissed off at the world, especially my friends. (Most of whom I'm still mad at, by the way.) After watching it, I was not so angry at the world, just my friends. Is it a good thing if a movie or a person can do that for you?
Well that's about it for now. Thanks for reading, and come back again and see us real soon. Hah.
To wash away what's causing my pain
I've decided there shall be, from hence fourth, a couplet at the beginning of each entry. I suppose it would be considered fortunate that I have already decided this, thus resulting in consistency throughout my entries. Quite handy, does thou not think?
Okay I'm done talking like a Shakespeare character now.
Anywho, not much has gone on. Yesterday was really just a test to make sure my blog was working. Now I must recap today and yesterday, starting with the latter.
6.14.04 - The first day of Project SAM
My summer job has officially begun. I'm working at the theatre again, helping out with the Summer Arts Marathon. It's fun working at the theatre. I love little kids, and of course I love drama, writing and dance. I have the first memeber of my little kid entourage - each year I have a few little kids who are my favorites, who talk to me all the time. Yesterday I met Devon, who's 6 and is afraid of thunderstorms, which is how I got to know him. I sat with him while he cried during the storm that we had yesterday morning.
6.14.04 - Van Helsing
I went and saw Van Helsing with Ryan at Marcus yesterday. It's a cool movie. I love Hugh Jackman. ;)
6.14.04 - Morbid Intrigue
Today is the first day of my new blog. I had one before, but it died on me, curtosy of blog.com, so I am now trying one here, since everyone else seems to like this place.
6.15.04 - Orthodontics.
Had an ever-so-wonderful (NOT) ortho appointment today. Thanks to some painful tool, my front teeth no longer have those annoying little ridges on the bottom - so I have straight, flat-edged teeth. YAY!
6.15.04 - The Zoo, Literally
Okay so today I was supposed to go to the Zoo with my family and Sam's friend and his family. Well, of course, this was not in the least bit interesting to me. I'm not especially fond of the zoo, nor is the idea of hanging out with my brothers' friends the least bit appealing. But I was sentenced to go by my mother.
6.15.04 - Saved by the Becca
Intervention, curtosy of my friend Becca, saved me from the zoo. She called and invited me to come to Adventure Trails today. So I got to stay home by myself and then spend a couple hours at the arcade with Becca.
6.15.04 - Arizona Dream
I watched Arizonaa Dream (Johny Depp!) for the third time today. I love Johnny Depp movies. They make me happy. I watched it once on Friday, and once on Sunday when I was pissed off at the world, especially my friends. (Most of whom I'm still mad at, by the way.) After watching it, I was not so angry at the world, just my friends. Is it a good thing if a movie or a person can do that for you?
Well that's about it for now. Thanks for reading, and come back again and see us real soon. Hah.
Monday, June 14, 2004
Tonight I saw a Firefly
It's a dark dark night with no stars in the sky
But tonight I saw a firefly.
I don't know why I wanted to say that, but I did. Anywho, It's good to be back online in a blog again, and I hope all my so-called friends are nosey enough to read it.
I've not been doing so well lately, because I've discovered all of my friends are dusch-bags (I don't care if I spelled that right; I'm doing it my way.) except for Chi Chi and Alonzo. I also appreciate that Sonya and Regina came to see the play. Thanks guys!
But tonight I saw a firefly.
I don't know why I wanted to say that, but I did. Anywho, It's good to be back online in a blog again, and I hope all my so-called friends are nosey enough to read it.
I've not been doing so well lately, because I've discovered all of my friends are dusch-bags (I don't care if I spelled that right; I'm doing it my way.) except for Chi Chi and Alonzo. I also appreciate that Sonya and Regina came to see the play. Thanks guys!
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