Some say that time changes
Best friends can become strangers
But I don't want that, no not for you
If you just stay with me we can make it through
...
When will you laugh again?
Laugh like you did back when
We'd stay up till 3 am
And the neighbors would complain
~*~ Good Charlotte "Say Anything"
Just got back from the trip... Well a bit ago, but I had to eat dinner. Anyway. My brother made us listen to my old Good Charlotte CD in the car and I noticed that even though the songs are kind of annoying, the lyrics are really good. I was listening to this song, and I started crying... it just reminds me so much of my friend Shannon - she was my first friend, when I was 2 weeks old. We grew up like sisters but we never had a single fight... She was my best friend in the entire world... Then last summer she moved away, and even though I still saw her at dance class, she never really talked to me anymore...
So you can tell I've been feeling a bit depressed... But at the same time I'm ridiculously excited. I leave for New York in like 4 days! But the most recent (as in has already happened) thing that is fantastic is I went to Hot Topic on Friday, at Mall of America. I got a Slipknot shirt and a Johnny Depp shirt... I wanted to get cool pants, but I didn't have time to try any on, cause I only had an hour before me and Sabine had to meet our parents... We got to the mall kind of late and then had to eat. (Back to Kokomo's) But still. Hot Topic was awesome. And just to have it on record, Sabine still owes me $16. (This is just in case I lose the piece of paper I wrote it on.) I bought her a shirt...
Which brings me to my next point. Hannah, lighten up on Bean a little. You say alot of things you don't need to say. (Yes I know I sound like my mother but I have to be the responsible big sister type that I am.) I don't appreciate being around when you guys fight... I don't mean to be insensitive when I just sit and watch, but I don't want to get in the middle, because it's none of my business. I want you to understand that. I will continue to talk about this here if you don't e-mail me, so I'll be watching for you.
Anyway. I have to go get unpacked so I can get my laundry done before I leave again. Try and get me before I'm gone. I miss you all and want to see you so much, I think. (I guess it could depend on who's reading this.) WOOSH! I am gone!
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Thursday, July 29, 2004
A Few Things I Forgot
Forgot a few things when I posted. Rather than edit my post, I shall just make a new one.
- My ear is still bruised, though it doesn't look as impressive as it did yesterday.
- It still hurts as much
- It is crusty (you all wanted to know that) and it itches because of all the lotions and antibiotics my mother insists on putting on it. (Honestly, you'd think I'd had it nearly chopped off.)
- There are 85 days until Finding Neverland primieres.
- I have way too much crap to fit in my suitcase.
- There will be no room for my new cool clothes from Hot Topic. I guess I will have to get rid of Sam. Darn.
I guess that's about it. I just found these things fascinating enough to tell you all, because you are not fascinating enough to have your own facinating things to tell. (How many of you have crusty ears? No wait... I don't want to know.)
Okay. Really going to get to work now. I'm leaving in the morning!
This is post 30! This page is colorful!
Walk the Plank
Watching and thinking as I walk along
Singing my final deadliest song
Things have been rather peaceful the past couple days - I went on an hour long walk yesterday by myself. I put Slipknot in my CD player and just walked around the streets until it ended. I probably walked a couple miles. I don't know though, because I walked around blocks and down side streets and along main streets to no place in particular. It was literally like my feet said 'turn here' and I did. I didn't pay attention to street signs until I needed to head home. All the streets here are numbers, so it's really easy to get around, as long as you can count. (Which, despite poular belief, I can.) It was nice to just be by myself, without just sitting around, and have music with me, and not have to talk to anyone. To be the observer. Then tonight we went out for dinner (a pizza buffet place, like Chicago Dough but not as good), and I walked home from there. That was a bit more difficult, because I had to cut across some fields and walk along some streets with names that I was not so familiar with, but it was good to walk again. I think I'm going to go on daily (or semi - daily, as time allows) walks around my house. There's lots of fun winding streets for me to get lost on.
Also, I started a sewing project today. As some of you know, I'm repainting my room and therefore trying to have an actual color scheme this time. (For those of you who have seen my room before, you know it looks rather childish and thrown together. This is because it was done when I was nine, and things have been added ever since that don't really match, because they fit my taste now.) Anyway. I'm sewing a duvet cover for my bed - black, lime green, and hot pink (mostly black though). I'll probably be adding white for the triangles which we still need to do... But don't want to bore you with the meticulous details. When it's finished though, you all have to come marvel at my first sewing project, which I am doing with minimal help from my mother. (I do all the sewing and ironing. She cuts the fabric strips because I am a dismal cutter.) I will give you updates as I progress.
Well I have been informed that we will be leaving tomorrow morning for St. Paul and spending the night again at the Graves' house. Hannah has to go babysit, so my family, Sabine, and Lauren (their mom) are going to go shopping at Mall of America. (I will get to go to Hot Topic, and Spencer's, and all the other cool stores I want to go to.) I will be home, at my house(!!!), on Saturday evening. This gives me a few days to do laundry and repack before I leave for New York. So you all better get in your phone calls and stuff before I leave again, otherwise I won't talk to you for another week and a half. And nobody wants that! Anyway.
Righty-o. Now I must get my e-mailing and instant messaging done before I am kicked off and then have to go pack. Will post again tomorrow if I get the opportunity, but if not will post Saturday (if we don't get home too late and I'm not too tired), or Sunday for sure. Ta!
Singing my final deadliest song
Things have been rather peaceful the past couple days - I went on an hour long walk yesterday by myself. I put Slipknot in my CD player and just walked around the streets until it ended. I probably walked a couple miles. I don't know though, because I walked around blocks and down side streets and along main streets to no place in particular. It was literally like my feet said 'turn here' and I did. I didn't pay attention to street signs until I needed to head home. All the streets here are numbers, so it's really easy to get around, as long as you can count. (Which, despite poular belief, I can.) It was nice to just be by myself, without just sitting around, and have music with me, and not have to talk to anyone. To be the observer. Then tonight we went out for dinner (a pizza buffet place, like Chicago Dough but not as good), and I walked home from there. That was a bit more difficult, because I had to cut across some fields and walk along some streets with names that I was not so familiar with, but it was good to walk again. I think I'm going to go on daily (or semi - daily, as time allows) walks around my house. There's lots of fun winding streets for me to get lost on.
Also, I started a sewing project today. As some of you know, I'm repainting my room and therefore trying to have an actual color scheme this time. (For those of you who have seen my room before, you know it looks rather childish and thrown together. This is because it was done when I was nine, and things have been added ever since that don't really match, because they fit my taste now.) Anyway. I'm sewing a duvet cover for my bed - black, lime green, and hot pink (mostly black though). I'll probably be adding white for the triangles which we still need to do... But don't want to bore you with the meticulous details. When it's finished though, you all have to come marvel at my first sewing project, which I am doing with minimal help from my mother. (I do all the sewing and ironing. She cuts the fabric strips because I am a dismal cutter.) I will give you updates as I progress.
Well I have been informed that we will be leaving tomorrow morning for St. Paul and spending the night again at the Graves' house. Hannah has to go babysit, so my family, Sabine, and Lauren (their mom) are going to go shopping at Mall of America. (I will get to go to Hot Topic, and Spencer's, and all the other cool stores I want to go to.) I will be home, at my house(!!!), on Saturday evening. This gives me a few days to do laundry and repack before I leave for New York. So you all better get in your phone calls and stuff before I leave again, otherwise I won't talk to you for another week and a half. And nobody wants that! Anyway.
Righty-o. Now I must get my e-mailing and instant messaging done before I am kicked off and then have to go pack. Will post again tomorrow if I get the opportunity, but if not will post Saturday (if we don't get home too late and I'm not too tired), or Sunday for sure. Ta!
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Revolution
More calm than a heartbeat that flatlines
Quiet like a dark street under the moonlight
A phrase of action that’s been screamed from the guts of me
Ever since their first experienced injustice, prejudice, discrimination
A word louder than a gunshot
And softer than a baby’s laugh
It will pass, just like it always hasUntil it spits off the lips of the next man who’s had it up to here
~*~ P.O.D. (Payable on Death) "Revolution"
Today is a rather good day. Right now my biggest dilema (aside from being here) is that I have to decide what JD movie to watch first with Leslie.
Although one thing I'm not especailly pleased about it my ear. Ow ow ow! Here's the story: I always listen to music when I go to sleep. Since there is no boom box here, I listen on my headphones. Now this isn't uncomfortable, because I turn alot in my sleep, so the headphones dont push into my ears. Except last night, because apparently I slept on my right side all night. This morning I woke up and my ear hurt. ALOT. I went to go take a shower and I looked in the mirror and there is a lovely bruise on my right ear. Wonderfully purple and red. Ow ow ow. I popped a blood vessel. Doesn't that sound fun? Hah.
Well anyway. 6 days till I leave for New York! YAY!
There's never really much to talk about anymore, because nothing goes on here. Though I am going to post a blog in response to something Alonzo wrote, so watch for that. (If I'm in the mood, I'll give you the link to his blog too)
Quiet like a dark street under the moonlight
A phrase of action that’s been screamed from the guts of me
Ever since their first experienced injustice, prejudice, discrimination
A word louder than a gunshot
And softer than a baby’s laugh
It will pass, just like it always hasUntil it spits off the lips of the next man who’s had it up to here
~*~ P.O.D. (Payable on Death) "Revolution"
Today is a rather good day. Right now my biggest dilema (aside from being here) is that I have to decide what JD movie to watch first with Leslie.
Although one thing I'm not especailly pleased about it my ear. Ow ow ow! Here's the story: I always listen to music when I go to sleep. Since there is no boom box here, I listen on my headphones. Now this isn't uncomfortable, because I turn alot in my sleep, so the headphones dont push into my ears. Except last night, because apparently I slept on my right side all night. This morning I woke up and my ear hurt. ALOT. I went to go take a shower and I looked in the mirror and there is a lovely bruise on my right ear. Wonderfully purple and red. Ow ow ow. I popped a blood vessel. Doesn't that sound fun? Hah.
Well anyway. 6 days till I leave for New York! YAY!
There's never really much to talk about anymore, because nothing goes on here. Though I am going to post a blog in response to something Alonzo wrote, so watch for that. (If I'm in the mood, I'll give you the link to his blog too)
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Fragile
Been feeling kind of crappy today. I don't know why, really. More mood swings. I think I may be bi-polar. It's not impossible
I've been updating my site - adding music lyrics. Still trying to find some for the CDs that don't have them with the CD. In fact, I should get to that so I'm not going to write much longer. (Typing up all those words kind of turned me off typing for a while too.)
Anyway. It's sounding like we may not be leaving till Saturday, and getting home Sunday. Though I'm trying to dissuade my mom from this idea, and leave Friday. The earlier we leave the better... I have things to do at home.
I've been updating my site - adding music lyrics. Still trying to find some for the CDs that don't have them with the CD. In fact, I should get to that so I'm not going to write much longer. (Typing up all those words kind of turned me off typing for a while too.)
Anyway. It's sounding like we may not be leaving till Saturday, and getting home Sunday. Though I'm trying to dissuade my mom from this idea, and leave Friday. The earlier we leave the better... I have things to do at home.
Bleed Black
I know
I died that night
And I'll never be brought back to life
Once again
I know
~*~ AFI "Bleed Black"
Wrote a few poems the other day - you can check them out at my site.
http://groups.msn.com/darkmoon319
Hope you enjoy. If you do, join and post a comment on the site to tell me what you think. Or, I guess, if you're really lazy, you can just post a comment here.
So I'm still not up to much. Been chatting on AIM, but it gets annoying because I have to use AIM express, and that is a kind of sucky program. It's a bit faulty and I get disconnected alot. Still, it's better than no connection at all.
I leave for New York a week from tomorrow! This is quite exciting. I can't wait to go see Leslie. But I don't need to go on about that over and over again; I'm sure you're all tired of hearing me talk about it. Not that that really matters, but I will stop.
I died that night
And I'll never be brought back to life
Once again
I know
~*~ AFI "Bleed Black"
Wrote a few poems the other day - you can check them out at my site.
http://groups.msn.com/darkmoon319
Hope you enjoy. If you do, join and post a comment on the site to tell me what you think. Or, I guess, if you're really lazy, you can just post a comment here.
So I'm still not up to much. Been chatting on AIM, but it gets annoying because I have to use AIM express, and that is a kind of sucky program. It's a bit faulty and I get disconnected alot. Still, it's better than no connection at all.
I leave for New York a week from tomorrow! This is quite exciting. I can't wait to go see Leslie. But I don't need to go on about that over and over again; I'm sure you're all tired of hearing me talk about it. Not that that really matters, but I will stop.
Monday, July 26, 2004
Inspired by Darkness
Not alot to say. I've been hanging around the house all day, not doing much. Been updating my site, and trying to see if i can re-infiltrate something that used to be mine but was stolen from me. Long story. I will explain if anything interesting happens.
I wrote something today, and I'm wondering if it made any sense. I'm going to post it here. I was replying to a message of someone else. Just tell me what you make of it.
Talia you have many talents and much to share with the world. Thank you so much for everything you've said, and all that you've shared. Having the courage to share your story is what leads to true understanding, and that is the basis of all everything. I wish everyone had the guts to share their stories. Though the world may seem dark, it can become a better place through people like you. Everyone out there has a story to share...
I know many people were inspired by Mad Mad House, the Alts, Don, anything related. I was. It gave me a new appreciation for everything, and renewed me and inspired me. Though alot of people I know think I'm still depressed (though I may be), it is perhaps in a different way that I am inspired, learning to be who I am and nothing less. Understanding and truth should be valued above all things. Of course also important is love. An unconditional passionate, ungiving love, a relationship which is based on a deep understanding and complete truth.
Thank you Talia.
I wrote something today, and I'm wondering if it made any sense. I'm going to post it here. I was replying to a message of someone else. Just tell me what you make of it.
Talia you have many talents and much to share with the world. Thank you so much for everything you've said, and all that you've shared. Having the courage to share your story is what leads to true understanding, and that is the basis of all everything. I wish everyone had the guts to share their stories. Though the world may seem dark, it can become a better place through people like you. Everyone out there has a story to share...
I know many people were inspired by Mad Mad House, the Alts, Don, anything related. I was. It gave me a new appreciation for everything, and renewed me and inspired me. Though alot of people I know think I'm still depressed (though I may be), it is perhaps in a different way that I am inspired, learning to be who I am and nothing less. Understanding and truth should be valued above all things. Of course also important is love. An unconditional passionate, ungiving love, a relationship which is based on a deep understanding and complete truth.
Thank you Talia.
Sillouettes
I don't wanna live like my mother...
I don't wanna let fear rule my life
I don't wanna live like my father...
I don't wanna give up before I die
~*~ Smile Empty Soul "Sillouettes"
Turns out I stayed online until about 1:30 this morning. I had alot of e-mail to get through, and I was talking to Alonzo. I miss you, Alonzo! (I haven't seen him since early June... that's almost 2 months...) And I probably won't get to see anyone till I get back from New York, which is August 10th. I miss you all! (Though I am having tons of fun.)
Finally staying in one place for a while! Probably about 5 days. Hoping to get back home on Saturday, which means we'll leave Friday and probably spend the Night in St. Paul again.
You guys gotta send me e-mails. The only time I can call you is on the weekends. (My cell minutes are almost used up for the month, except my 1000 night {after 9pm} and weekend minutes.) I miss talking to all of you! I also miss being at home with my Johnny Depp movies and my lovely framed Johnny poster. When I get to New York though I will watch lots of Johnny movies! Yay!
Sounds like it's time for lunch, so I have to go. I'll talk to you all later!
I don't wanna let fear rule my life
I don't wanna live like my father...
I don't wanna give up before I die
~*~ Smile Empty Soul "Sillouettes"
Turns out I stayed online until about 1:30 this morning. I had alot of e-mail to get through, and I was talking to Alonzo. I miss you, Alonzo! (I haven't seen him since early June... that's almost 2 months...) And I probably won't get to see anyone till I get back from New York, which is August 10th. I miss you all! (Though I am having tons of fun.)
Finally staying in one place for a while! Probably about 5 days. Hoping to get back home on Saturday, which means we'll leave Friday and probably spend the Night in St. Paul again.
You guys gotta send me e-mails. The only time I can call you is on the weekends. (My cell minutes are almost used up for the month, except my 1000 night {after 9pm} and weekend minutes.) I miss talking to all of you! I also miss being at home with my Johnny Depp movies and my lovely framed Johnny poster. When I get to New York though I will watch lots of Johnny movies! Yay!
Sounds like it's time for lunch, so I have to go. I'll talk to you all later!
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Happy Phantom
And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearing my naughties like a jewel.
They'll be my ticket to the universal opera
'Cause Judy Garland's taking Buddah by the hand.
~*~ Tori [insert last name I forgot] "Happy Phantom"
Okay so been house hopping again, and here's what happened:
That's what I've been up to, though that is a simplified version. I've been having lots of fun though, and getting little sleep. I've slept on all manner of beds, in a van, on a couch, in a car (on a train, with a fox, in a box...)
Anyway. Well really I haven't got anything interesting to tell you. I could recount all my travels, but I fear that would be rather tedious for me and extremely boring for you. If you would like to find out stuff, you can IM me. My sn is in my profile. As is my e-mail address, I think.
For now I must go. There is much work to be done in the form of unpacking and whatnot. Tomorrow I have to pick apricots and other stuff that is growing in the garden or on trees in the back yard. (Fun fun fun, right?)
Well I miss you all. Now off to unpack. Night!
And I'll go wearing my naughties like a jewel.
They'll be my ticket to the universal opera
'Cause Judy Garland's taking Buddah by the hand.
~*~ Tori [insert last name I forgot] "Happy Phantom"
Okay so been house hopping again, and here's what happened:
- Left Al's Friday morning
- Spent the night Friday at Becca's
- Met Mom in Minneapolis at Mall of America
- Did not get to go to Hot Topic
- Will get to go on return trip
- Spent Saturday night at Hannah's house in St. Paul
- Drove today and got to grandparents' house
That's what I've been up to, though that is a simplified version. I've been having lots of fun though, and getting little sleep. I've slept on all manner of beds, in a van, on a couch, in a car (on a train, with a fox, in a box...)
Anyway. Well really I haven't got anything interesting to tell you. I could recount all my travels, but I fear that would be rather tedious for me and extremely boring for you. If you would like to find out stuff, you can IM me. My sn is in my profile. As is my e-mail address, I think.
For now I must go. There is much work to be done in the form of unpacking and whatnot. Tomorrow I have to pick apricots and other stuff that is growing in the garden or on trees in the back yard. (Fun fun fun, right?)
Well I miss you all. Now off to unpack. Night!
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Wistful
Al is studying for Chemistry because she has a final tomorrow, so I'm back online due to lack of stuff to do. (Perhaps I would be a horrible only child. I find I'm rather crappy at entertaining myself.)
Talked to my mom today. Here's the ever so wonderful official plan she's come up with.
Tomorrow - I leave here early for work so that I can drop my junk off at home. Becca's mom Carolyn will pick me up after work and drop me off at home so I can repack (you see what's coming?) When I'm all set, I'll go over to Becca's house and spend the night there.
Saturday - I'll leave with them in the morning and drive up to Minneapolis, where I'll meet my mom, and spend a night in the hotel there with her.
Sunday - We'll drive the rest of the way up to South Dakota and spend probably about 5 days there with my grandparents. We can't stay much longer, because I have to be back by the following Tuesday for my ortho appointment. (Not to mention the fact I leave for New York the next day.)
So if any of you had any hopes of seeing me the rest of the summer, I guess you will have to give up. I will be gone a total of about 2 weeks (on top of this week, and the family reunion week, and the week I spent in Seattle). Then I'll have 6 days before school starts. I don't know when we're going to go school shopping. I'm surprised my mom is willing to leave it so late - she likes school shopping around now, in the middle of July, not the middle of August, less than a week before school starts.
Oh and I didn't mention that my dad will be flying down to Florida for my grandma's 80th birthday, in between when I start school and when the boys do. (Is my family ever allowed to all be in the house at the same time?)
Anybody think I should maybe fill up those last 6 days with a trip far away? Maybe to some mental institution. All I need is one more trip right? I haven't traveled at all this summer, right? Hah. If you count 4 trips and a week away from home not traveling.
Vacation count: Gone 5 weeks out of an 8 week summer.
Anyone else thign there's something wrong with that?
Talked to my mom today. Here's the ever so wonderful official plan she's come up with.
Tomorrow - I leave here early for work so that I can drop my junk off at home. Becca's mom Carolyn will pick me up after work and drop me off at home so I can repack (you see what's coming?) When I'm all set, I'll go over to Becca's house and spend the night there.
Saturday - I'll leave with them in the morning and drive up to Minneapolis, where I'll meet my mom, and spend a night in the hotel there with her.
Sunday - We'll drive the rest of the way up to South Dakota and spend probably about 5 days there with my grandparents. We can't stay much longer, because I have to be back by the following Tuesday for my ortho appointment. (Not to mention the fact I leave for New York the next day.)
So if any of you had any hopes of seeing me the rest of the summer, I guess you will have to give up. I will be gone a total of about 2 weeks (on top of this week, and the family reunion week, and the week I spent in Seattle). Then I'll have 6 days before school starts. I don't know when we're going to go school shopping. I'm surprised my mom is willing to leave it so late - she likes school shopping around now, in the middle of July, not the middle of August, less than a week before school starts.
Oh and I didn't mention that my dad will be flying down to Florida for my grandma's 80th birthday, in between when I start school and when the boys do. (Is my family ever allowed to all be in the house at the same time?)
Anybody think I should maybe fill up those last 6 days with a trip far away? Maybe to some mental institution. All I need is one more trip right? I haven't traveled at all this summer, right? Hah. If you count 4 trips and a week away from home not traveling.
Vacation count: Gone 5 weeks out of an 8 week summer.
Anyone else thign there's something wrong with that?
Painted Black
I see a Red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
~*~[insert band name I forgot] "Painted Black"
It's been crazy busy in the world of me. I left Molly's yesterday after I got back from work. (I got back really late though because we stayed to put up the kid's artwork for the show.) So I got back a little after 3, and then Bev picked me up and brought me over here.
Al was at speech camp, so Bev and I just sat and talked for a while, and it was nice to just sit and not be rushing somewhere. Then we left to pick up Al and her friend Monica, and we got into the car seconds before it started pouring. It was crazy. It rained so hard I don't know how Bev saw through the windshield. Al and Monica got soaked in the few seconds it took to get to the car. It stopped raining right as we dropped Monica off. Which was nice, even though they got soaked earlier.
I did get to the show that the kids put on, and it went okay. It was a show with little kids, and nothing more. But they looked very cute, so they fooled all the parents into thinking they were well behaved at SAM. But I know I will miss some of them. The Cefelli boys gave Rachael, Katie, and me little plaques, which was really nice. I may actually put mine up. I still have all the gifts kids gave me last year - they're in my desk drawer and I can show them to anyone who would like to see, and prove that I am loved, even if only by 5 year olds.
Yawn yawn yawn, I am tired. I think I'm too busy. But that's okay, I like being busy. And I hope I'll stay busy here. But my mom is trying to get me out to Minneapolis, where she is, and then drive up to visit my grandparents. Which means I wouldn't be able to usher this weekend, and I wouldn't get to hang out with my friends this week, and I'd get back just before I leave for NY, so I wouldn't see any of you until I got back from there, and then school would be about to start. I'm voting for a petition - sign if you don't want me to go away to SD.
Hmmm... This is interesting. I'm listening to Al's band demo. It's cool stuff. Which reminds me.
I met Trevor yesterday, and he seems pretty cool. He didn't stay, he was just dropping off a couple CDs. But anyway.
Okay I think that's about enough for now. I have a book I need to read by Saturday.
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
~*~[insert band name I forgot] "Painted Black"
It's been crazy busy in the world of me. I left Molly's yesterday after I got back from work. (I got back really late though because we stayed to put up the kid's artwork for the show.) So I got back a little after 3, and then Bev picked me up and brought me over here.
Al was at speech camp, so Bev and I just sat and talked for a while, and it was nice to just sit and not be rushing somewhere. Then we left to pick up Al and her friend Monica, and we got into the car seconds before it started pouring. It was crazy. It rained so hard I don't know how Bev saw through the windshield. Al and Monica got soaked in the few seconds it took to get to the car. It stopped raining right as we dropped Monica off. Which was nice, even though they got soaked earlier.
I did get to the show that the kids put on, and it went okay. It was a show with little kids, and nothing more. But they looked very cute, so they fooled all the parents into thinking they were well behaved at SAM. But I know I will miss some of them. The Cefelli boys gave Rachael, Katie, and me little plaques, which was really nice. I may actually put mine up. I still have all the gifts kids gave me last year - they're in my desk drawer and I can show them to anyone who would like to see, and prove that I am loved, even if only by 5 year olds.
Yawn yawn yawn, I am tired. I think I'm too busy. But that's okay, I like being busy. And I hope I'll stay busy here. But my mom is trying to get me out to Minneapolis, where she is, and then drive up to visit my grandparents. Which means I wouldn't be able to usher this weekend, and I wouldn't get to hang out with my friends this week, and I'd get back just before I leave for NY, so I wouldn't see any of you until I got back from there, and then school would be about to start. I'm voting for a petition - sign if you don't want me to go away to SD.
Hmmm... This is interesting. I'm listening to Al's band demo. It's cool stuff. Which reminds me.
I met Trevor yesterday, and he seems pretty cool. He didn't stay, he was just dropping off a couple CDs. But anyway.
Okay I think that's about enough for now. I have a book I need to read by Saturday.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Pretty Little Picture
It's a pretty little picture, to share
As our little boat sails to see
Take a little trip, light as air
Have a little freedom, on me.
~*~"Pretty Little Picture"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
For you slow ones who don't know, that's a play, not a band. It's a play I've seen 4 times thus far and will most likely see 4 more. I was busy all this weekend, mostly ushering. You should all come see the show though it's really funny. (I wouldn't be watching it all these times if it sucked.) Shows are Fri. and Sat. at 8 pm, and Sunday at 2:30 and 7:30 pm. Come see me and this awesome show. (Oh jeez I sound like some peppy poster girl. *shudder*)
Saturday we celebrated my brother Sam's birthday. It's not till Wednesday, but he wasn't going to be here then so we celebrated early. His day plans consisted of: playing brand new game cube, having a "family game", lunch at McDonalds, going to see the movie "Garfield" (sucked by the way), dinner at Baker's Square, and then off to see the play I was ushering at. It was a rather boring day until that evening, but it made him happ\y, ao whatever, I guess.
I am now the inly person of my family still in the state of Illinois. My mom and brothers are in Minnesota for a soccer tournament, and my dad is in New Mexico on a business trip. So right now I'm staying with Molly, then Wednesday evening, I will switch to my friend Alice's house. Dad won't be back till Sunday, but Mom should be back by Friday or so, unless by some miracle our team wins even though they never win against the travel teams out here.
I live for New York 2 weeks from tomorrow and I am so excited!!! We have planned now when we're going to get down to NYU, and we're either going to see Wicked (which would be awesome) or some thing with Richard Dreyfuss (would also be awesome) on Broadway. Woot woot! I can't wait!!! I have to admit I'm enjoying the time away from my family this summer. Almost 2 whole weeks, and that's more than most people get. :)
So as you can tell things are pretty good here right now. Love having my job, glad to not be at home, and this computer has DSL. lol ok now I'm getting ridiculous.
As our little boat sails to see
Take a little trip, light as air
Have a little freedom, on me.
~*~"Pretty Little Picture"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
For you slow ones who don't know, that's a play, not a band. It's a play I've seen 4 times thus far and will most likely see 4 more. I was busy all this weekend, mostly ushering. You should all come see the show though it's really funny. (I wouldn't be watching it all these times if it sucked.) Shows are Fri. and Sat. at 8 pm, and Sunday at 2:30 and 7:30 pm. Come see me and this awesome show. (Oh jeez I sound like some peppy poster girl. *shudder*)
Saturday we celebrated my brother Sam's birthday. It's not till Wednesday, but he wasn't going to be here then so we celebrated early. His day plans consisted of: playing brand new game cube, having a "family game", lunch at McDonalds, going to see the movie "Garfield" (sucked by the way), dinner at Baker's Square, and then off to see the play I was ushering at. It was a rather boring day until that evening, but it made him happ\y, ao whatever, I guess.
I am now the inly person of my family still in the state of Illinois. My mom and brothers are in Minnesota for a soccer tournament, and my dad is in New Mexico on a business trip. So right now I'm staying with Molly, then Wednesday evening, I will switch to my friend Alice's house. Dad won't be back till Sunday, but Mom should be back by Friday or so, unless by some miracle our team wins even though they never win against the travel teams out here.
I live for New York 2 weeks from tomorrow and I am so excited!!! We have planned now when we're going to get down to NYU, and we're either going to see Wicked (which would be awesome) or some thing with Richard Dreyfuss (would also be awesome) on Broadway. Woot woot! I can't wait!!! I have to admit I'm enjoying the time away from my family this summer. Almost 2 whole weeks, and that's more than most people get. :)
So as you can tell things are pretty good here right now. Love having my job, glad to not be at home, and this computer has DSL. lol ok now I'm getting ridiculous.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
In the Middle of the Street
There's nothing left for me to say
You never answer anyway
I might as well disappear
All you've done is abandon me here
I wrote poems:
Ended
I'm certain of it now
I wansn't meant to be alone
Abandonded by all who I thought
Were my friends
Betrayed again, it never ends
And for some reason I always forgive
I don't trust anymore
So I'm stuck in isolation
Either leave me alone completely
Or stare me in the face and be true
But don't pretend anymore
I'm tired of the gray.
--7/13/04
Coming Out
I need reassurance
I don't know anything
I think I'm crazy
Can someone please explain?
I feel scared
I am confused
I want answers
Can someone please explain?
I know alot can happen
I have so many feelings
I don't care that I'm not alone
Can someone please explain?
--7/13/04
Tapestry
I have visions in my head
Of how things were supposed to be
Movies that keep plaing
As though to torment me
There are other times
When i see what's real
And when those images come through
I truly begin to feel.
--7/14/04
Intervention
I knew I was something
But now I don't know what
Thought I was important
But I realize I'm just dust
Now I have nothing - nothing to do
Nothing to do but stare at you
It's about time there was some fucking honesty somewhere
Because nothing anymore is fair
And I've never been one to hide my opinions
Truth and darkness my faithful minions
So prepare to explain what you never told me
I'm only here to set you fucking free.
--7/14/04
Irrelevant
Feel so unappreciated
And there's no one I can trust
Suddenly fucked up again
When I really need to talk
Is when I have to lave
But no one is there anyway
What is really the reason
I don't know why I bother
Everything goes unnoticed
All my actions are in vain
So now I'll disappear
No one will notice.
--7/14/04
Deeper
I don't know what to think
And I don't know what to say
The only thing I'm sure of
Is you need to go away
Something is seriously wrong
Which I care enough to right
Fuck the time
I've got more than all night
You need to tell me what's going on
Tell me why I am to blame
I want to understand
Your torment and my pain.
--7/14/04
Product of Fatality
I've got to get away
There's no way to survive here
Haunting past and an empty future
I don't want to stay
CHORUS:
I can't believe reality
I'm surviving on a dream
I live with the brutality
Nothing is what it seems
You forgot everything I said
No one was ever listening
I don't have a chance
No more can penetrate my head
CHORUS
Forgive me now, for my sin
Though I can not forget
You never knew, never cared
But I'm waiting to begin
CHORUS
Falling... apart
Living... dark
Hoping... in vain
Screaming... your name
My life... dangles on a string {ENGING LINE}
CHORUS x2, then repeat ENDING LINE to fade
--7/14/04
Hope you all like and understand. That last one I hope to turn into a song, if I can find someone to help me with the music. Tell me what you think with the comments thing.
You never answer anyway
I might as well disappear
All you've done is abandon me here
I wrote poems:
Ended
I'm certain of it now
I wansn't meant to be alone
Abandonded by all who I thought
Were my friends
Betrayed again, it never ends
And for some reason I always forgive
I don't trust anymore
So I'm stuck in isolation
Either leave me alone completely
Or stare me in the face and be true
But don't pretend anymore
I'm tired of the gray.
--7/13/04
Coming Out
I need reassurance
I don't know anything
I think I'm crazy
Can someone please explain?
I feel scared
I am confused
I want answers
Can someone please explain?
I know alot can happen
I have so many feelings
I don't care that I'm not alone
Can someone please explain?
--7/13/04
Tapestry
I have visions in my head
Of how things were supposed to be
Movies that keep plaing
As though to torment me
There are other times
When i see what's real
And when those images come through
I truly begin to feel.
--7/14/04
Intervention
I knew I was something
But now I don't know what
Thought I was important
But I realize I'm just dust
Now I have nothing - nothing to do
Nothing to do but stare at you
It's about time there was some fucking honesty somewhere
Because nothing anymore is fair
And I've never been one to hide my opinions
Truth and darkness my faithful minions
So prepare to explain what you never told me
I'm only here to set you fucking free.
--7/14/04
Irrelevant
Feel so unappreciated
And there's no one I can trust
Suddenly fucked up again
When I really need to talk
Is when I have to lave
But no one is there anyway
What is really the reason
I don't know why I bother
Everything goes unnoticed
All my actions are in vain
So now I'll disappear
No one will notice.
--7/14/04
Deeper
I don't know what to think
And I don't know what to say
The only thing I'm sure of
Is you need to go away
Something is seriously wrong
Which I care enough to right
Fuck the time
I've got more than all night
You need to tell me what's going on
Tell me why I am to blame
I want to understand
Your torment and my pain.
--7/14/04
Product of Fatality
I've got to get away
There's no way to survive here
Haunting past and an empty future
I don't want to stay
CHORUS:
I can't believe reality
I'm surviving on a dream
I live with the brutality
Nothing is what it seems
You forgot everything I said
No one was ever listening
I don't have a chance
No more can penetrate my head
CHORUS
Forgive me now, for my sin
Though I can not forget
You never knew, never cared
But I'm waiting to begin
CHORUS
Falling... apart
Living... dark
Hoping... in vain
Screaming... your name
My life... dangles on a string {ENGING LINE}
CHORUS x2, then repeat ENDING LINE to fade
--7/14/04
Hope you all like and understand. That last one I hope to turn into a song, if I can find someone to help me with the music. Tell me what you think with the comments thing.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Bookshelf
I knew that I was something
But now I don't know what
Thought I was important
But I realize I'm just dust.
Lots of shit going on right now. I'm pissed off at people, and the world is spinning, and I think what I just wrote at the beginng up there (^) is going to become a poem. I'll post it later. I wrote a couple other ones yesterday and one today, but I don't feel like getting them now. Maybe later, or tomorrow. Anyway.
So I had my party tonight and it was good fun, but I do'nt feel like talking about happy things right now. So I'll tell you about that later, or tomorrow. Anyway.
I've been finding out way too many things through other people, and it bothers me that hardly anyone talks to me anymore and really tells me things. The only people I can really talk to right now are Blondie, Z-Man, and Kei. The first two are the ones who always tell me things, and Kei and I can talk about anything. I'm not going to start mentioning names, though it would really only be one name, and I hope (s)he knows who (s)he is, because this needs to be fixed fast for more than just my sake. Things are really starting to get fucked up. What everyone knew about me... my secret that was divulged, is coming out everywhere.
I'm tired of followers. But now I'm going to be hypocritical for one moment, and say (hint hint) I'm tired of the "game" of truth. *Big red flag goes up* No one is paying attention! I've done all this fighting for nothing. I think I'm going to retry being reclusive and see what happens. So note to all my "friends" out there, if you really actually want to be my friend, call me and tell me, please, cause I need some reassurance right now. And some of you, if you call we're going to have to have a long talk about what the fuck our relationship is, because I don't know anymore. I'm confused and alone and it sux ass, worse than some other really shitty things. I just want some honesty.
But now I don't know what
Thought I was important
But I realize I'm just dust.
Lots of shit going on right now. I'm pissed off at people, and the world is spinning, and I think what I just wrote at the beginng up there (^) is going to become a poem. I'll post it later. I wrote a couple other ones yesterday and one today, but I don't feel like getting them now. Maybe later, or tomorrow. Anyway.
So I had my party tonight and it was good fun, but I do'nt feel like talking about happy things right now. So I'll tell you about that later, or tomorrow. Anyway.
I've been finding out way too many things through other people, and it bothers me that hardly anyone talks to me anymore and really tells me things. The only people I can really talk to right now are Blondie, Z-Man, and Kei. The first two are the ones who always tell me things, and Kei and I can talk about anything. I'm not going to start mentioning names, though it would really only be one name, and I hope (s)he knows who (s)he is, because this needs to be fixed fast for more than just my sake. Things are really starting to get fucked up. What everyone knew about me... my secret that was divulged, is coming out everywhere.
I'm tired of followers. But now I'm going to be hypocritical for one moment, and say (hint hint) I'm tired of the "game" of truth. *Big red flag goes up* No one is paying attention! I've done all this fighting for nothing. I think I'm going to retry being reclusive and see what happens. So note to all my "friends" out there, if you really actually want to be my friend, call me and tell me, please, cause I need some reassurance right now. And some of you, if you call we're going to have to have a long talk about what the fuck our relationship is, because I don't know anymore. I'm confused and alone and it sux ass, worse than some other really shitty things. I just want some honesty.
Disapperate (July 13th)
I'm doing all the work
Yet I'm the one unnoticed
Never to be recognized
For who I truly am.
Not in such a good mood anymore, just because that kind of mood is so rare for me. But I didn't post yesterday, so I'm back today.
Zach's party was cool, even though we didn't watch alot of I Love the '90s. We spent about an hour throwing a soccer ball at a tree, trying to get down something Muffin threw up there, and then spent probably an hour yelling at my friend's boyfriend. (Soon to be ex, maybe?)
Tomorrow is my party and hopefully it will go well. Will make sure to tape A2Z when I watch it earlier, before people get here. Otherwise I will miss very interesting things about Johnny Depp! Oh no what a tragedy!
Wrote a couple poems recently that I felt like showing you guys. They're based on movies I just saw.
The Brave
I will die for the ones I love
And never say a word
I will walk out the door
And never say goodbye
I will kiss you while you sleep
Then leave, never to return
I will lay down my life
Then you will be prosperous
I will do anything for you
I will spare you all the pain
I will love you today and always
For today is the day I die.
--7/6/04
Butterfly Effect
I did it to fix everything
And make you forget what I
Thought I never knew
Shed my blood to resurrect
A past that should have stayed forgotten
Or maybe never existed
I'm sorry but I had to be the hero
Too single-minded and determined
Forgive me for everything
I never meant to abandon you
Now I've come back
To leave you forever.
--7/11/04
I know these poems make sense if you've seen the movies (of the same titles). I hope they're good though anyway.
Yet I'm the one unnoticed
Never to be recognized
For who I truly am.
Not in such a good mood anymore, just because that kind of mood is so rare for me. But I didn't post yesterday, so I'm back today.
Zach's party was cool, even though we didn't watch alot of I Love the '90s. We spent about an hour throwing a soccer ball at a tree, trying to get down something Muffin threw up there, and then spent probably an hour yelling at my friend's boyfriend. (Soon to be ex, maybe?)
Tomorrow is my party and hopefully it will go well. Will make sure to tape A2Z when I watch it earlier, before people get here. Otherwise I will miss very interesting things about Johnny Depp! Oh no what a tragedy!
Wrote a couple poems recently that I felt like showing you guys. They're based on movies I just saw.
The Brave
I will die for the ones I love
And never say a word
I will walk out the door
And never say goodbye
I will kiss you while you sleep
Then leave, never to return
I will lay down my life
Then you will be prosperous
I will do anything for you
I will spare you all the pain
I will love you today and always
For today is the day I die.
--7/6/04
Butterfly Effect
I did it to fix everything
And make you forget what I
Thought I never knew
Shed my blood to resurrect
A past that should have stayed forgotten
Or maybe never existed
I'm sorry but I had to be the hero
Too single-minded and determined
Forgive me for everything
I never meant to abandon you
Now I've come back
To leave you forever.
--7/11/04
I know these poems make sense if you've seen the movies (of the same titles). I hope they're good though anyway.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers
The wonderful thing about tiggers
Is tiggers are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs.
They're trouncy flouncy pouncy bouncy fun fun fun fun fun!
But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!
Long time...
I haven't posted in about 4 days or something... I dunno. It's been cray-zeh. But I'm posting for real today because I am very excited with lots of cool info! It has been the best weekend ever! Woot Woot! (well the best weekend ever was Con in St. Louis, but this is the best weekend in PF ever.)
I'm Going AWAY!!!!!!!!!
(9 exclamation marks)
In less than a month I will be in NY visiting my most awesome cousin Leslie. (Well, she and Rachel are close... but anyway.) She's very truly cool and we will spend a week watching Johnny Depp movies, hopefully going to see a Broadway show, and possibly poking around NYU. (I wanna go to college at NYU) We may try and iron grilled cheese sandwiches, as well. (You have to have seen Benny and Joon to get this, so don't ask.) I can't wat... I'm leaving August 4th and getting bak the 10th... And I get to go all by myself! lol I'm a big kid now! *insert pull-ups tune*
Church and More Church!!!!!!!!!
(9 exclamation marks)
Today I went to Trinity to hear Molly play pinano wif her grandpappy. They was very good but Lutherans have very long services with lots of standing and sitting, and singing and stuff.
After that I went to my church cause it is very cool and I haven't been there in about a month. And I am tre glad I went, cause there is very very very good news, one of the most exciting things I have ever heard.
Heather and Amanda got engaged while they were at GA (General Assembly - the UU *Unitarian Universalist* big ass meeting that was in Cali this year) and they are getting married next year in August! Woot Woot I am sooooooooo (9 ohs) very excited for them! Woot Woot again! And I was the only youth teenager person there to find out, so I feel special that I was first to know. Except for Alice, I think, cause I think Bev (her mom) knew... but anyway I'm spoiling the moment.
Tomorrow, Tomorrow!!!!!!!!!
(9 exclamation marks)
Tomorrow I am going to a party at Zach's house to watch I Love the '90s. It will be quite fun. We shall party till the cows come home! (where the hell did that saying come from?)
Wednesday, Wednesday!!!!!!!!!
(9 exclamation marks)
Somehow that doesn't work the same way. But anywho. I will be having a party on Wednesday with I think the same people at Zachs, plus Alonzo and maybe 1 or 2 other people. We're gonna watch (who else?) Johnny Depp on A2Z on VH1. I am quite happeh. We shall party until the... hmmm... pigs come home. (We are going to have quite a farm. I want horses and ducks!)
Is tiggers are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs.
They're trouncy flouncy pouncy bouncy fun fun fun fun fun!
But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!
Long time...
I haven't posted in about 4 days or something... I dunno. It's been cray-zeh. But I'm posting for real today because I am very excited with lots of cool info! It has been the best weekend ever! Woot Woot! (well the best weekend ever was Con in St. Louis, but this is the best weekend in PF ever.)
I'm Going AWAY!!!!!!!!!
(9 exclamation marks)
In less than a month I will be in NY visiting my most awesome cousin Leslie. (Well, she and Rachel are close... but anyway.) She's very truly cool and we will spend a week watching Johnny Depp movies, hopefully going to see a Broadway show, and possibly poking around NYU. (I wanna go to college at NYU) We may try and iron grilled cheese sandwiches, as well. (You have to have seen Benny and Joon to get this, so don't ask.) I can't wat... I'm leaving August 4th and getting bak the 10th... And I get to go all by myself! lol I'm a big kid now! *insert pull-ups tune*
Church and More Church!!!!!!!!!
(9 exclamation marks)
Today I went to Trinity to hear Molly play pinano wif her grandpappy. They was very good but Lutherans have very long services with lots of standing and sitting, and singing and stuff.
After that I went to my church cause it is very cool and I haven't been there in about a month. And I am tre glad I went, cause there is very very very good news, one of the most exciting things I have ever heard.
Heather and Amanda got engaged while they were at GA (General Assembly - the UU *Unitarian Universalist* big ass meeting that was in Cali this year) and they are getting married next year in August! Woot Woot I am sooooooooo (9 ohs) very excited for them! Woot Woot again! And I was the only youth teenager person there to find out, so I feel special that I was first to know. Except for Alice, I think, cause I think Bev (her mom) knew... but anyway I'm spoiling the moment.
Tomorrow, Tomorrow!!!!!!!!!
(9 exclamation marks)
Tomorrow I am going to a party at Zach's house to watch I Love the '90s. It will be quite fun. We shall party till the cows come home! (where the hell did that saying come from?)
Wednesday, Wednesday!!!!!!!!!
(9 exclamation marks)
Somehow that doesn't work the same way. But anywho. I will be having a party on Wednesday with I think the same people at Zachs, plus Alonzo and maybe 1 or 2 other people. We're gonna watch (who else?) Johnny Depp on A2Z on VH1. I am quite happeh. We shall party until the... hmmm... pigs come home. (We are going to have quite a farm. I want horses and ducks!)
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Fade
In the days of darkness there was always one who stood strong
One who I never knew had been there all alond
A creature so pure of heart and mind, and of driven soul
Who's life and work has come to me, prepared to take it's toll.
It has arrived! The Brave came yesterday!!! Thanks a million and a half (?) to Leslie!!! You rock forever!
Damn. I meant to post more but I got to go. Try for tomorrow. Ta!
One who I never knew had been there all alond
A creature so pure of heart and mind, and of driven soul
Who's life and work has come to me, prepared to take it's toll.
It has arrived! The Brave came yesterday!!! Thanks a million and a half (?) to Leslie!!! You rock forever!
Damn. I meant to post more but I got to go. Try for tomorrow. Ta!
Sunday, July 04, 2004
I *Burnt* My Pants!!! :\
There's a hole in my pants, dear Liza dear Liza
There's a hole in my pants, dear Liza a hole.
So fix it you dumb ass! You dumb ASS! You DUMB ASS!
So fix it you dumb ass, you dumb ASS fix it!
HEHE. Very high on 4th-of-Julyness. This was the best 4th ever. So here goes the whole story:
1. The parade: Erich didn't have a reed so he couldn't play so Chi (who showed up! yay!) and me had to cover his solo, and we didn't have the music for it, so it sounded pretty crap, but it was fun anyway and I saw a zillion people I knew, which is funny cause I didn't think I knew a zillion people, but I even saw my minister!
2. Chasing Ryan: Okay so RYAN RUDOLF (now you all know his name, so you can all stalk him), my ex, was at the park (duh, everyone was there), and I saw him, and I was in the mood for a confrontation (as I often am), so we started to walk over to him, and he took off. I mean like, ran as if a meteor was coming. And he would get away, and we (Me, Stephanie, Molly, and Zach) would chase him more. Sometimes even looking at him would send him running, or if I moved at all. This all went on for at least an hour, prolly more than that. But it was a blast. And I've decided he's a man whore. But fine. Whatever.
3. Creepy Guys Who Hit on Me! (Oh Joy)
Yeah so we were walking around, trying to re-spot Ryan, and this guy walks up and he's like "where you goin'" creepy. And there were more of them all night. There were the 3 guys, who almost followed me, molly, and steph, and other people of course. There was Nick, too, but he's cool.
4. The Insence... Here's where is gets interesting
Okay so we (now me, Molly, Stephanie, Zach, Chi, and Sonya) were sitting in the middle of the path (to stay away from mosquitoes and block people) and we decided we should make a fire. So we put lots of sticks together, and we were like... ok, now who's got matches or a lighter? And of course, I had just taken mine out of my purse a couple days ago, so not me, and no body else either. Everybody in our big ass group had insence though, maybe to ward of mosquitoes (?) *or maybe just to wave at and burn eachother with, for the amusement of our sadistic parents* and so we all wanted some, and so me and Chi got one for each of us (6 total). And then get this, we tried to make a fire with them. We did burn the napkins, but the sticks and grass wouldn't light. Even when Nick brought us some matches it didn't work.
5. That's not Entirely True
We did light the napkins on fire. And they burned like hell, man. We were afraid our parents would see the glow. It was big. And so we all tried to get rid of it, but that just blew the embers around and one got on my pants. (You all see where this is going?) And I tried to squish it out, but instead I burned my finger and my leg, and there is now a hole in my pants, on the left side of my right knee.
6. So After that...
Party at my house! Chi and Sonya couldn't come, but Zach, Molly, and Steph did. We lit candles and went in the backyard, but both my neighbors were having parties, putting us in danger of being attacked by a rougue firecracker (which are illegal here) or a buring tree. So we went into my garage, which is actually a cool place to hang out. They all left around 11. And now I'm here!
So that was my 4th. Was yours that interesting? I bet not! HAH!
There's a hole in my pants, dear Liza a hole.
So fix it you dumb ass! You dumb ASS! You DUMB ASS!
So fix it you dumb ass, you dumb ASS fix it!
HEHE. Very high on 4th-of-Julyness. This was the best 4th ever. So here goes the whole story:
1. The parade: Erich didn't have a reed so he couldn't play so Chi (who showed up! yay!) and me had to cover his solo, and we didn't have the music for it, so it sounded pretty crap, but it was fun anyway and I saw a zillion people I knew, which is funny cause I didn't think I knew a zillion people, but I even saw my minister!
2. Chasing Ryan: Okay so RYAN RUDOLF (now you all know his name, so you can all stalk him), my ex, was at the park (duh, everyone was there), and I saw him, and I was in the mood for a confrontation (as I often am), so we started to walk over to him, and he took off. I mean like, ran as if a meteor was coming. And he would get away, and we (Me, Stephanie, Molly, and Zach) would chase him more. Sometimes even looking at him would send him running, or if I moved at all. This all went on for at least an hour, prolly more than that. But it was a blast. And I've decided he's a man whore. But fine. Whatever.
3. Creepy Guys Who Hit on Me! (Oh Joy)
Yeah so we were walking around, trying to re-spot Ryan, and this guy walks up and he's like "where you goin'" creepy. And there were more of them all night. There were the 3 guys, who almost followed me, molly, and steph, and other people of course. There was Nick, too, but he's cool.
4. The Insence... Here's where is gets interesting
Okay so we (now me, Molly, Stephanie, Zach, Chi, and Sonya) were sitting in the middle of the path (to stay away from mosquitoes and block people) and we decided we should make a fire. So we put lots of sticks together, and we were like... ok, now who's got matches or a lighter? And of course, I had just taken mine out of my purse a couple days ago, so not me, and no body else either. Everybody in our big ass group had insence though, maybe to ward of mosquitoes (?) *or maybe just to wave at and burn eachother with, for the amusement of our sadistic parents* and so we all wanted some, and so me and Chi got one for each of us (6 total). And then get this, we tried to make a fire with them. We did burn the napkins, but the sticks and grass wouldn't light. Even when Nick brought us some matches it didn't work.
5. That's not Entirely True
We did light the napkins on fire. And they burned like hell, man. We were afraid our parents would see the glow. It was big. And so we all tried to get rid of it, but that just blew the embers around and one got on my pants. (You all see where this is going?) And I tried to squish it out, but instead I burned my finger and my leg, and there is now a hole in my pants, on the left side of my right knee.
6. So After that...
Party at my house! Chi and Sonya couldn't come, but Zach, Molly, and Steph did. We lit candles and went in the backyard, but both my neighbors were having parties, putting us in danger of being attacked by a rougue firecracker (which are illegal here) or a buring tree. So we went into my garage, which is actually a cool place to hang out. They all left around 11. And now I'm here!
So that was my 4th. Was yours that interesting? I bet not! HAH!
Saturday, July 03, 2004
The Nameless
Don't go... I never wanted anybody more than I wanted you
I know... The only thing I ever really loved was hurting you
Don't go... I never wanted anybody more than I wanted you
I know... The only thing I ever really loved was hate
~~*~~ Slipknot "The Nameless"
Okay so since my internet is fucked up, I can't update my website. (YAY.) So I've decided to post my poems from last night here.
One Step Farther
A red hear races through me
While I reside in the icy blackness
I can feel the storm raging through me
As I sit in the serenity
Sensings the pain of it all
Even as you wrap your arms around me in comfort
Things weren't supposed to be this way
When did they tear down the Berlin Wall?
How do you define what love is right?
Whos is true enough to believe with their soul
That loving anyone can be wrong
Never will I comprehend it.
Not Forgotten
All I wanted was someone to beleive in
I thought I found that in you
Finally the purity I long for
Gracious civility
Rid of the ignorance
And immaturity that haunts me
A sanctuary in pure honesty
Something worth my faith and trust
To finally put me at peace
Lauid to rest alone, without the demons
But I falter when you finally tell me the truth
Everything was lies.
Answers
Follow me... to the depths of my mind
Follow me... through the darkness
Follow me... into the world of the demonic
Follow me... to something you're never seen before
Follow me... through the stars and the firtes
Follow me... into the secret
Never knew the truth
Cause I never learned to trust
And you wonder about the reflections of my soul in my eyers
Follow me... Cause I don't know where I'm going.
Talkative Eyes
All that I aspire to be, he is
He is loved
He loves his work
At night he sleeps content
As he is who he wants to be
Satisfied with himself
But always striving to be more
He has the power to send his message
He knows he is worth it
Completely faithful to himself alone
He is beautiful
His eyes tell his story
The pureness of his heart unmatched
He is happy and complete
He is unclassified
He is all that he needs to be.
Breakdown
Not yesterday or today
Tomorrow for ever
How do I explain reality
Say one word to explain
Everything I've ever done
My eyes bleed and my
Heart cries
The days I remember
Quickly slip away in the mundane
Society on my shoulders will quickly collapse
When I do begin my end
And end what I've begun
Delerium
In a dance of dreams
The secrecy destroyed
Wise ones watch
As we stumble in what is new to us
What we forget to remember
The space we take hold of
Manifest the whole of you
Just to float on the surface
Lay down my life for you
For just one moment of
Knowing I'm safe right where I am
No disappointments in myself
Finally I made you proud
Asylum
Your face of confusioin
Staring into my wisdom
Perhaps it isn't worth anything
And it is I who knows nothing
I who speaks the foreign language
Maybe all along it is I
Who has been in the wrong
What created me
Will destroy everything
And I can not escape it
The inevitable.
All for now! Enjoy!
I know... The only thing I ever really loved was hurting you
Don't go... I never wanted anybody more than I wanted you
I know... The only thing I ever really loved was hate
~~*~~ Slipknot "The Nameless"
Okay so since my internet is fucked up, I can't update my website. (YAY.) So I've decided to post my poems from last night here.
One Step Farther
A red hear races through me
While I reside in the icy blackness
I can feel the storm raging through me
As I sit in the serenity
Sensings the pain of it all
Even as you wrap your arms around me in comfort
Things weren't supposed to be this way
When did they tear down the Berlin Wall?
How do you define what love is right?
Whos is true enough to believe with their soul
That loving anyone can be wrong
Never will I comprehend it.
Not Forgotten
All I wanted was someone to beleive in
I thought I found that in you
Finally the purity I long for
Gracious civility
Rid of the ignorance
And immaturity that haunts me
A sanctuary in pure honesty
Something worth my faith and trust
To finally put me at peace
Lauid to rest alone, without the demons
But I falter when you finally tell me the truth
Everything was lies.
Answers
Follow me... to the depths of my mind
Follow me... through the darkness
Follow me... into the world of the demonic
Follow me... to something you're never seen before
Follow me... through the stars and the firtes
Follow me... into the secret
Never knew the truth
Cause I never learned to trust
And you wonder about the reflections of my soul in my eyers
Follow me... Cause I don't know where I'm going.
Talkative Eyes
All that I aspire to be, he is
He is loved
He loves his work
At night he sleeps content
As he is who he wants to be
Satisfied with himself
But always striving to be more
He has the power to send his message
He knows he is worth it
Completely faithful to himself alone
He is beautiful
His eyes tell his story
The pureness of his heart unmatched
He is happy and complete
He is unclassified
He is all that he needs to be.
Breakdown
Not yesterday or today
Tomorrow for ever
How do I explain reality
Say one word to explain
Everything I've ever done
My eyes bleed and my
Heart cries
The days I remember
Quickly slip away in the mundane
Society on my shoulders will quickly collapse
When I do begin my end
And end what I've begun
Delerium
In a dance of dreams
The secrecy destroyed
Wise ones watch
As we stumble in what is new to us
What we forget to remember
The space we take hold of
Manifest the whole of you
Just to float on the surface
Lay down my life for you
For just one moment of
Knowing I'm safe right where I am
No disappointments in myself
Finally I made you proud
Asylum
Your face of confusioin
Staring into my wisdom
Perhaps it isn't worth anything
And it is I who knows nothing
I who speaks the foreign language
Maybe all along it is I
Who has been in the wrong
What created me
Will destroy everything
And I can not escape it
The inevitable.
All for now! Enjoy!
Friday, July 02, 2004
Before I Forget
I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget this...
~~*~~ Slipknot "Before I Forget"
Talked to Leslie for about 3 hours (really) yesterday. It was hilarious how insane we were. I shall never ever show this conversation to any of you, because you would commite me to the state insane asylum. And fun as that would be, there would be no Johnny Depp pictures there. :(
Okay but anyway. Oh everybody say hi to Molly who is here reading this as I'm typing it! WEEEEEEEE! *Lack of sleep is really catching up today*
Yeah so I was up till like 2 yesterday, and I wrote 7 poems in less than an hour. Will be posting them on my site in the soon future. (My saying, leave it!) If you don't have the link, it's http://groups.msn.com/darkmoon319
Check it out cause I rock! And I really will update soon. Thrasher Hollow, too, if I can sit at the computer a minute and just write. Laters for now!
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
Before I forget this...
~~*~~ Slipknot "Before I Forget"
Talked to Leslie for about 3 hours (really) yesterday. It was hilarious how insane we were. I shall never ever show this conversation to any of you, because you would commite me to the state insane asylum. And fun as that would be, there would be no Johnny Depp pictures there. :(
Okay but anyway. Oh everybody say hi to Molly who is here reading this as I'm typing it! WEEEEEEEE! *Lack of sleep is really catching up today*
Yeah so I was up till like 2 yesterday, and I wrote 7 poems in less than an hour. Will be posting them on my site in the soon future. (My saying, leave it!) If you don't have the link, it's http://groups.msn.com/darkmoon319
Check it out cause I rock! And I really will update soon. Thrasher Hollow, too, if I can sit at the computer a minute and just write. Laters for now!
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Pulse of the Maggots
We - we - are the new diabolic
We - we - are the bitter bucolic
If I have to give my life you can have it
We - we - are the pulse of the maggots!
~~*~~ Slipknot "Pulse of the Maggots"
Just felt like posting some more. Thought about composing a poem I was thinking of the other day.
See you through the window
I'm staring, but you're not looking back at me
Pull away the glass
Hoping you will see
Just to know what I've been through
And understand the pain
Feeling all the efforts
I smiled at in vain
Perhaps you'll never really know
Just what I'm trying to say
But you were there when I looked through the window
And I never looked away.
Yeah I like that. And it was easy to write. Took bout a minute, acutally, and I wrote it just now. This is the first edition people! And it shall be titled... hmm. 'In the Thick of It'
Ta Da.
We - we - are the bitter bucolic
If I have to give my life you can have it
We - we - are the pulse of the maggots!
~~*~~ Slipknot "Pulse of the Maggots"
Just felt like posting some more. Thought about composing a poem I was thinking of the other day.
See you through the window
I'm staring, but you're not looking back at me
Pull away the glass
Hoping you will see
Just to know what I've been through
And understand the pain
Feeling all the efforts
I smiled at in vain
Perhaps you'll never really know
Just what I'm trying to say
But you were there when I looked through the window
And I never looked away.
Yeah I like that. And it was easy to write. Took bout a minute, acutally, and I wrote it just now. This is the first edition people! And it shall be titled... hmm. 'In the Thick of It'
Ta Da.
Vermillion Part 2
She is everything to me...
The unrequited dream.
The song that no one sings.
The Unatainable.
She's a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do...
~~*~~ Slipknot "Vermiollion Pt. 2"
Yeah so obviously I'm getting really into Slipknot. But their lyrics are so awesome, and so perfectly fitting... I was gonna use that one yesterday, but I couldn't quite remember the words. And now I'm glad I didn't, because it fits better today.
Chi Chi was over again today. Bit of Kismit, (or Kizmit??? *shrug* dunno) actually. Here's the story:
Actually went to band practice today, so I can march in the parade (joy). No really, it was good to see Skocz again. I've missed him so much! But anywho. Ok so my mom came and picked me up, and we went and dropped a movie off at Video Events (there's a massive movie fest going on at my house, because you get free rentals in June at Video Events and Family Video for A's on your report card. But I'm of track again.) Then we drove back past school to get home, and Erich is still waiting for his mom, and in the long and short of it, we decide to give him a ride home. We star to go down this one street, but it was blocked off because of all the damn road construction. So we turned around and went BACK past the school, and there is Chi Chi standing outside with her awesome blue umbrella. (he he) So we picked HER up, then dropped Erich off, and the Chi Chi dame and hung out for a while. We talked some more, and looked at old yearbooks, and then played a game of chess. (She won, surprise surprise.)
But it was good. Oh and by the way - a couple other quick notes.
1. The title of the 6th Harry Potter book is 'Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince'
2. Alonzo will be back next week! YAY!
3. Chi Chi is leaving next week. SHIT!
4. Leslie sent me 'The Brave' today. I should have it soon. YAY!
5. People forgot to call me, AGAIN.
6. I'm extremely bored, so please do call me. Otherwise I will be forced ('forced') to watch Secret Window over and over and over again, and I'm sure none of you (aside from me) want that to happen, because it only fuels my obsession. :)
The unrequited dream.
The song that no one sings.
The Unatainable.
She's a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do...
~~*~~ Slipknot "Vermiollion Pt. 2"
Yeah so obviously I'm getting really into Slipknot. But their lyrics are so awesome, and so perfectly fitting... I was gonna use that one yesterday, but I couldn't quite remember the words. And now I'm glad I didn't, because it fits better today.
Chi Chi was over again today. Bit of Kismit, (or Kizmit??? *shrug* dunno) actually. Here's the story:
Actually went to band practice today, so I can march in the parade (joy). No really, it was good to see Skocz again. I've missed him so much! But anywho. Ok so my mom came and picked me up, and we went and dropped a movie off at Video Events (there's a massive movie fest going on at my house, because you get free rentals in June at Video Events and Family Video for A's on your report card. But I'm of track again.) Then we drove back past school to get home, and Erich is still waiting for his mom, and in the long and short of it, we decide to give him a ride home. We star to go down this one street, but it was blocked off because of all the damn road construction. So we turned around and went BACK past the school, and there is Chi Chi standing outside with her awesome blue umbrella. (he he) So we picked HER up, then dropped Erich off, and the Chi Chi dame and hung out for a while. We talked some more, and looked at old yearbooks, and then played a game of chess. (She won, surprise surprise.)
But it was good. Oh and by the way - a couple other quick notes.
1. The title of the 6th Harry Potter book is 'Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince'
2. Alonzo will be back next week! YAY!
3. Chi Chi is leaving next week. SHIT!
4. Leslie sent me 'The Brave' today. I should have it soon. YAY!
5. People forgot to call me, AGAIN.
6. I'm extremely bored, so please do call me. Otherwise I will be forced ('forced') to watch Secret Window over and over and over again, and I'm sure none of you (aside from me) want that to happen, because it only fuels my obsession. :)
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