Another Day

ROGER
Excuse me if I'm off track
But if you're so wise
Then tell me - why do you need smack?
Take your needle
Take your fancy prayer
And don't forget
Get the moonlight out of your hair
Long ago you might've lit up my heart
But now the fire's dead - ain't never gonna start
~*~"Another Day" RENT

Wow... Amazing movie. I have a few things I want to say though before I get to that. I got to thinking on the ride home, so now I just want to get that out into the world. I'm not going to explain right now. Ask questions - then I'll explain.

Sometimes it's good to just listen - it gets you thinking.

Don't be afraid to be who you are.

Be persistent, even if you think you will embaress yourself around a staff person or something. Chances are, you will never see them again.

Always be working toward what you want to do. You'll get there some day.

Find yourself, and then draw yourself a map so you don't get lost. If people turn into obstacles and get in your way, don't let them tell you what to do or where to go. You know where you are.

So anyway. That's just what I was thinking about. Now I'm going to watch Queer Eye, so I will continue my post in a moment.

Back. Okay um... What was I gonna say? I don't remember anymore... Oh yeah. So the movie.

The movie was fantastic. Absolutely amazing. I mean, Johnny was hot as always, but it was a good movie. That doesn't always happen. (Secret Window, for example) Yeah. Finding Neverland was just really great. I cried at the end! It was sad. Then the screenwriter answered a few questions, and that was pretty cool. There was an afterparty thingy that we went to, but didn't stay too long. It was a fun atmosphere. Very Hollywood-esque I think.

But now I'm going to discuss the main point of the movie. When we get to the next commercial. Ok. So as I was almost saying. So the whole movie focuses on imagination, and growing up. But not just kids NOT growing up, more about everyone growing up. And I kind of just got to thinking about it... Did I grow up too fast? I don't know. I mean, all the adults I meet always say I'm mature for my age. But what does that mean? Did I miss out on something that everyone else got? I enjoyed my childhood... And I got it all, right? I mean, how do I know? Am I trying to be too much, too soon?
And imagination... Creativity can be anyone's salvation. So I was thinking about J.M. Barrie's imagination, and how he spent so much time writing, and that it was just what he wanted to write. And on the car ride home I decided "That's it - I'm gonna do my own thing. Totally 100% me. Because why not?" So I'm gonna be done spending time with people I don't really like. And if that means I end up with 2 friends, fine. But I'm going to spend my time with drama, dance, and writing. I'm going to keep up my poetry, and write the new story I've had rattling around in my brain. And it will be mine... just mine. And no one will see it until I have a first draft finished. Perhaps I'll end up a teenage hermit. Tough luck. You don't like it? I don't care anymore. I never really did, but somehow I still ended up hanging out with people who didn't really know me. So now that's over.
Wow... I started this at like 11:45 and now it's 1:15. It took an hour and a half... cause I'm watching Queer Eye!

Will I?

STEVE
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow from
This nightmare?
~*~"Will I?" RENT

I use the same lyrics as the first time because that's literally the only lyrics in the song. If you watch the show, it's very intersting to see, and kind of interesting on the CD if you're in the right mood, but the lyrics are extremely repetitive - what do you expecet? You have 4 groups singing the song in a round.

Anyway. So I fly back today. :( Back to join the real world. Or maybe not. I don't have to leave NY just because I fly somewhere else. Maybe the plane is taking me up into the air where all the tall buildings are, and then it will put me down right back where I got up. And though it may seem I have returned to you, perhaps you are wrong, and you have come to visit me in New York.

So now that you all think I am a raving lunatic, I forgot what I was going to say in the first place. Crap. Um... Okay. Well I really can't remember right now. So I'll post again when I do.

Out Tonight

MIMI
In the evening I've got to roam
Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome
Feels too damn much like home
When the Spanish babies cry
So let's find a bar
So dark we forget who we are
And all the scars of the nevers and maybes die
~*~"Out Tonight" RENT

An appropriate song, as a matter of fact. I will be out tonight. WOO! Finally Tuesday is here! And I will be going to Finding Neverland! Sooo excited. Of course I will tell all about it when I get back. But that will probably be around midnight or something I think. Not like I'd be going to bed then or anything. Haha I just realized I'm actually posting in the AM and it's not like, 3 in the morning or something. It's a respectable 11 o'clock. I'm so strange...

Anyway. I don't actually have a whole lot to talk about. But I was thinking about what song would be coming up next in my blog, and I figured as long as it was so fitting, I might as well post something.

Hey Queer Eye is on tonight! 4 times. And Molly is sposed to be taping it for me. She actually remembered on Saturday, maybe she'll remember today too. That would make me even more happy. Thing are going my way today guys. Something in the stars likes me... We'll see how long that lasts. Actually, I don't need to look to the stars... Leslie's here! She loves me! She's the one taking me to all these things... Woot woot for Leslie! YAY! Okay I'm in a kind of hyper mode... I know that will mean lots of blabbering on about nothing. So I think I'll stop right here before this post gets too ridiculous. {badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom} Oops. Too late.

Life Support

GORDON
...Look, I find some of what you teach suspect
Because I'm used to relying on intellect
But I try to open up to what i don't know

GORDON & ROGER
Because reason says I should have died
3 years ago
~*~"Life Support" RENT

In about 12 hours I'll be on my way downtown to see Finding Neverland! Woot woot!

Okay so I tried to go to bed, but then this hit me so now I have to write it down. I was surfing around tonight (after watching BLOW) and was mostly at a Jai site and a Johnny site (no surprises there). And I got to thinking. Johnny only does movies that mean something to him. All of his stuff has a message. It's all important, and he surrounds himself with people he cares about, who are really interesting diverse people.
Jai was in RENT. And gushy as this may be, Rent DOES have an amazing message... I wish I could be a part of something that is as important as those things... Johnny's movies... Rent is changing the world, if only in the most subtle ways. From things I've read in the last month, so many people's views about things have changed since they saw the show... And that's not the only thing. And so I was lying here thinking, and I was just like, 'how can I be a part of something as amazing as that?'
I've realized now that I would really love doing Broadway. The actors all come out after the show and sign autographs and take pictures, and really get to connect with the fans. I would love that. That isn't the main point though - it's about being able to connect with people on that level... And know you're really doing something that means something. Jonathan Larson once said "It's not how long you're here, it's what you do while you're here." Well I'd rather die in 5 years but have changed something than to live to be 85 and have sat on my ass doing nothing.
I'd die tomorrow if I knew I would be changing something for the better that would help the world... Every day I try to think of something small I can do to help. It doesn't change the world, but it may brighten someone's day. And that's what I have to start with. But if I ever get to Broadway, and to Hollywood, I'll be making my own choices for real - and for something important. The only reason I want to be famous is to be able to spread a message. I don't want to make movies to become famous - I want to make movies because I love to act. Being famous would be a bonus. But if I end up like Johnny - making 30 movies before anyone really notices - I couldn't give a damn, as long as I'm doing what I want. And then, when people finally find me, I'll have something to say.

Tango: Maureen

BOTH
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Makes you fall

MARK
So you think "Might as well..."

JOANNE
"Dance a tango to hell"

BOTH
"At least I'll have tangoed at all" ...
~*~"Tango: Maureen" RENT

Taking a break from my extremely tedious homework. I just did 2 sets of problems for geometry. I still have one more of those to go, and an essay to write. Then for bio I have all those worksheets Morain gave me. I haven't even looked at those yet... I don't think I want to. But eventually I will. Probably in a little bit, because I'm tired of geometry for now. Maybe I'll tackle some bio when I'm done, and then set out on that essay after i eat lunch... Or breakfast. Whatever meal I'm at right now. I don't eat like a normal person. Blah.

So anyway. Dunno what time I got to sleep last night... was up pretty late talking to Lonzo. Round 3 in the morning here, I think. Then I was on for a little bit longer with some e-mail. But I slept in till about 10... that was so nice. And I'm happy cause my back feels all better... I've decided it's all my stupid matress' fault in the first place. Jay's bed is comfy. Mine is a piece of crap. Haha. What else is new. But anyway.

I'm in a good mood right now. Last night I got kinda lonely... I was missing my Lonzo. Feeling better now. Still miss him, but not lonely. Maybe it was just that I was up at 3 am or something. I dunno. My mind is kinda fucked up... WEEE!!! Sudden hyper burst. I probably need food. But I'm not hungry. I'm bored. And I don't wanna do my work. Hum. But I kind of should... But I don't wanna... God damn... I'm talking to myself. Somebody stop me! Hey maybe Queer Eye will be on today. Must check the TV guide now to find out. Perhaps I will report back later.

You'll See

ANGEL
... You'll see boys

MARK & ROGER
We'll see boys

ROGER
Let it be boys

COLLINS
I like boys

ANGEL
Boys like me

ALL
We'll see
~*~"You'll See" RENT

Ah the musings of... well, me.

I dunno. I've just been thinking about things. And it's interesting. I was talking to Ian earlier. And I started thinking about Alonzo and about relationships. What is a relationship really? What is supposed to happen when 2 people start "going out"? It's something you should really think about. I mean, I know some people who start going out, and they spend lots of time together, and kiss and stuff all the time. Then I know other people who go out, and you would have no idea if they didn't tell you. Things are no different, and that's when I start to wonder. Shouldn't going out be more than just saying you're going out? It should be because you really care about someone, and want to be something more with them. So if you eliminate saying it, and you just start going out with someone, kind of based on how you act, how are you acting? What are you doing? Someone explain this to me, because I'm kind of confused about all of this. Maybe I'm just naieve. I don't know.

It's my bi-polarness striking agian. I was in a great mood a while ago, and now i'm feeling kind of wierd... I dunno.

Today 4 U

ANGEL
And who could fortell
That it would go so well
But sure as I am here
That dog is now in doggie hell.
~*~"Today 4 U" RENT

How am I supposed to pick one part of that song? It's so fun! But anyway. I must tell you all about my day. I can sum in up by pasting an e-mail I sent earlier to Molly. Warning: it is long.

Muwahahahaha! I am in the winner's circle today. You're going to hate me but frankly I don't give a damn because right now I am so so so so so so so so so happy.
Leslie and I went downtown, to see if we could get the $20 rush tickets to see RENT and we figured if we didn't get those we would just go do something else. So we drive down there and there's a shit load of traffic half the way. So instead of getting there 2 hours ahead of time we get there a little over an hour before. And the rush ticket thing is over. But (you knew the but was coming, or I wouldn't be telling you this story.) the ticket guy told us about their special sunday deal where tickets in the mezz (mezzanine - upper level) are half price. So that meant they were each about $50 or something, I think. I couldn't quite hear him through the window. But Leslie just looked at me, and then she went for it. So we got the tickets and left, and walked over to where the theatre is that we're going to on Tuesday. We tried to get our tickets early, so we wouldn't have to stand in line then. But they didn't have them. So we walked back to Nederlander and waited to be let in. And while we're just sitting there, these 3 guys in RENT shirts walk by. And I'm like, "hey, there's some RENT groupies" and then i looked closer. Correction: not groupies, CAST MEMBERS. I didn't notice the other 2, but Jeremy Kushiener (Roger) walked right across the street, through the line of people, and into the theatre. And I was kind of just like, what the FUCK? How do they just walk right through like that? I mean, wearing RENT shirts and everything? It was wierd.
But I saw the show again, and it was amazing, again. We went to wait outside for autographs, and I almost missed Jeremy again, because he walked right out the front door, leaving like as fast as he could. Then some person ran and stopped him, so I got over there and got him, and Leslie got a picture or 2, so I can show you. Then I got Krystal Washington (Mimi) cause she walked out with him, and I think I got her picture too. Then we went back to wait by the door where they were supposed to come out. And out another door came some ensemble people, and the woman who played Joanne. I was gonna get her, but she looked like she was on a mission, so we all left her alone. (People are still congregated around this gate thing, waiting for Drew Lachey to come out.) I look behind me, to see if anyone is coming out another door, and Destan Owens (Collins) is over there, so I run over there and get him, and then I ask if I can have one for my aunt too, and as he's taking hers, he says no, so i'm like, oh, i see how it is. He's like, yeah, that's the way we roll. Cool guy. Really fun. Those were the only 3 I got. We waited to see if Justin Johnston (Angel) would come out, but he didn't. And then this crew guy comes out, and he's like "he's gone" (meaning Drew Lachey, not Justin) and I was ready to laugh. The crew guy didn't even know where he was. I was like "he just up and left." It was so funny. I guess it would have been sad if I had been waiting for him. But instead it was funny. And then I looked across the street, and I see Destan walking away. Normal as any guy. I mean, if you saw him on the street, you would never know. It was wierd! He was so cute, with his backpack, and earbuds in his ears (for an MP3 or IPOD I'm assuming), just walking down the street, like an anyguy. I couldn't get over it, how it wasn't a big deal. I dunno. Maybe it's just me. *shrug* The whole experience was just a little strange. I mean Jai was awesome. He was out like 5 minutes after the show was over, all smiles and ready to take pictures and sign autographs, and stuff. I don't know about the rest of the cast, cause we left after that. But these people were all just totally normal people walking down the street. Jai had more of the effect I was expecting... all the autographs and then a limo. These people dodged everyone and walked away. Strange...

And that was a slightly shortened version. Anyway. So now you know all about my day. And in case you don't remember, I'm in NY right now! Having loads of fun... not doing my homework. :\ Oh well. I will do it tomorrow while Leslie is working and Alex is at school (haha - school) and Rich is at work. Right now I have people to talk to. Tomorrow at 11 in the morning, there will be noone. That's when I can do work. And watch Queer Eye, maybe. I'm using Bravo to the fullest while I'm here. Maybe I'll tape the new episode on Tuesday. I brought a tape with me... But anyway. So all's well here. Can't wait for Tuesday (Finding Neverland!!!). But for now I'm good - visions of RENT in my head. :)

Voice Mail #3

MR. JEFFERSON
For Mommy's sake, Kitten, no Doc Martens this time
And wear a dress...
Oh and Kitten
Have a merry-

MRS. Jefferson
And a bra!
~*~ "Voice Mail #3" RENT

This is post 50!!! How time flies... (when compassion dies... oops. Rent song for later) Don't have a lot of time to write, but I wanted to post a poem I wrote yesterday.

Shadows

All the mysteries
The things you're hiding
That I'm not allowed to see
And I wonder what you're thinking
Behind those dark glasses

All the secrets
The things you won't let out
That I'm not allowed to know
And I wonder what you're doing
Behind those dark windows

All the whispers
The things you're disguising
That I'm not allowed to hear
And I wonder what you're saying
Behind those dark kisses.
--9/7/04

Lemme know what you think. And now on to other matters.

I have my sound back! HOORAY. 3 million cheers for my father. So now I can listen to music on the computer and watch videos and stuff. So happy! [insert incomprehensible sounds of happiness]

I leave for NY in 3 days! Even more happiness! WOOT! I'm not even about to start talking about what I'm missing out on in October though... Will... not... ruin... happy.... moment!

Went to GSA yesterday and turned in my AIDS walk form. I'm goin to Chicago! Woot woot! More good mood-ness.

There is another issue I should address, but this is also for another time. I'm not ruining my good mood for anything! Alonzo I do love you.

Holy shit - there is a huge ass bug flying around my head, so I am gonna get my happy self out of here... scary! Don't like bugs!

Light My Candle

MIMI
They say that I have the best ass below 14th street, is it true?

ROGER
What?

MIMI
You're staring again...

ROGER
Oh no... I mean you do... have a nice... I mean - you look familiar
~*~"Light My Candle" RENT

50 posts! Woot woot! It is exciting!

Anyway. Jake and Molly were over today. That was... interesting. Nah we had a good time. Jake and I did geometry homework and Molly and I did English homework. Then we went and walked in the field and messed with my crappy kite. I got it stuck in a tree and then Jake broke it. Then we were hungry and I wanted to make rice crispy treats, but we didn't have any rice crispies. Now some people would find this a rather significant problem, as they are one of only three ingredients. But we made them with cheerioes instead and it was pretty good. We had fun making them, anyway.

And now I know a secret! WEEEE! That's exciting. Nobody ever tells me secrets. Now I feel special. But anyway. I miss my Lonzo... I haven't seen him since Thursday when I had my little shindig.

Tonight mi familia y yo vamos al cine para ver la pelicula de Harry Potter 3. That movie makes me angry. So I'm not going to talk about it.

Actually, I still have a little bit of English to finish, so I should go do that now. Or not. But either way, I think I better go before I say something I'm not sposed to say. Adios!

One Song Glory

ROGER
One song
Glory
One song to leave behind (find)
One song
One last refrain
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity
~*~"One Song Glory" RENT

I couldn't pick a favorite line, so that is just the beginning verse. That is such an awesome song! But anyway. I'm posting again because I actually want to talk about something for a minute.

I was thinking today... People always have conflicts. And usually those conflicts are always with the same person. You know why that is? It is because those problems are never really solved. People may feud, and then make up, but things are not really changed. Or one person may act as if nothing happened and the other person plays along, while really building up a rage inside that is someday going to explode. If both persons do not truly understand the problem, and the other's point of view, then nothing will really be settled. The problem will continue to occur wearing different masks, having little details change, but all the while it is still the same conflict you started out with in the beginning. Communication is often a huge problem. But you can't just say 'let's not go there' in order to avoid conflict for a moment. One moment of bliss can evoke a million moments of pain, sorrow, betrayal, jealousy, and other things you don't take time to think about. It may not be what you want, but perhaps you should just get your fight out in the open, get it really taken care of, and get it over with once and for all.

Of course that's just my opinion. Though I always have very strong opinions, and it's something I really want you all to think about. Don't be afraid to bring up tough stuff with your friends. It just may save your relationship - or get you out of something that's slowly tearing you apart.

Tune Up #3

MARK
I don't suppose you'd like to see Maureen's show in the lot tonight, or come to dinner

ROGER
Zoom in
On my empty wallet

MARK
Touche
~*~"Tune Up #3" RENT

And we move on... I really hate my RENT burn. It's a piece of shit. But anyway. On to other things.

I watched Secret Window today. And fell asleep on the couch. (Much like Johnny does, actually.) But don't blame it on the movie - I was trying to do my English homework. (Rather unsuccessfully, if you couldn't tell) Mmmmm... Johnny is very hot. Even if his dye job in that movie is really bad. I mean, I pay attention to that kind of stuff, so I notice that his hair has grown out and more of it is brown instead of blonde... but anyway. I continue to go on and on about things... hah.

Last night I went to a Chicago Fire game and it was actually kind of cool. Molly, Jimmy, y yo watched el futbol con Freddie Adu. It was funny. (Don't you all enjoy my Spanglish just oh so much?) No really, it was kind of cool. And on the bus both ways Molly and I sat backwards and listened to Rent on her ipod. (stupid technological parents)

Ahh. Yo necessito dos phone lines para hablo con jake y molly and be online.

I got to go. I have other blogs to post on, so on and so forth. La de da.

You Okay Honey?

ANGEL
You okay honey?

COLLINS
I'm afraid so

ANGEL
They get any money?

COLLINS
No. Had none to get
But they perloined my coat
Well you missed a sleeve!

Thanks

ANGEL
Hell it's Christmas Eve
I'm Angel

COLLINS
Angel. Indeed
An angel of the first degree
Friends call me Collins - Tom Collins
Nice tree

ANGEL
Let's get a band-aid for your knee
I'll change
There's a life support meeting at 9:30
Yes this body provides a comfortable home
For the Aquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome

COLLINS
As does mine

ANGEL
Oh we'll get along fine
Get you a coat
Have a bite - make a night
I'm flush

COLLINS
But my friends are waiting -

ANGEL
You're cute when you blush
The more the merry ho ho ho
And I do not take 'no'
~*~"You Okay Honey?" RENT

Another song complete! Ta da! lol. I'm so lame I have nothing to do right now... It was a sad day. And a long story, which I now have time to tell because I am lame and have nothing to do.

So this morning I read my horoscope. (I was bored, okay?) It said today should be a 9. Now let me tell you something, right away. I don't have days that are 9s. Well, not really. I've had, like, 1 that I can think of in a really long time. And I'm going to let you tell me what day that was, because maybe you can think of something I can't. Anyway. So I will also tell you what I knew I was going to be doing today: going to the orthodontist, returning the RENT cd, and being around while Sam's friend Zach spends the night. Does that sound like a good day to you? No I didn't think so. And it wasn't.
I went to the orthodontist (missing music theatre and lunch, btw. well that's not true. I was in music theatre long enough at the end of class to know my group isn't doing anything for our project.) and we talked about which tooth he's having the dentist rip out for me. Doesn't that sound like fun? And after school today, I went to the library to return the RENT cd that was due yesterday. I didn't return it then because I was going to renew it. Who would have guessed that there would actually be a HOLD on it? Oh well, I just requested it again. But Hinsdale is the only place that has it, so whoever requested it will have it, then I will get it back! hehehe. For now I have to live with my shitty burned copy.

Anyway. I wish to discuss something I've been contemplating since I found out about getting my tooth pulled. As a people, we are ridiculously obsessed with appearances. And before you say 'no I'm not' I'm saying YOU ARE. Even if you dont' care what other people think (and in general I don't) you care what you look like. I care what I look like, because I like to express myself. Hell, maybe someday I'll wear a lime green and orange jumpsuit to school (okay... maybe not) just to be different. But seriously. I was thinking about how I would look a little wierd because I would be missing a tooth... Even though they'll close the gap (that'll take about 3-4 months), I'll have a wierd tooth alignment. And so then I though about what Johnny said once... He thinks it's good for things to be a little imperfect. He has all his teeth, but one of the ones on the bottom is crooked. And that's okay, and he still made it in Hollywood. No one will really notice right? My teeth will still be straight and I will still look pretty normal. And you know what? If Hollywood doesn't like it, then they can go... anyway. I decided I won't let it be a big deal. Although I'm still not happy, at least I'm comfortable with it now. I'll just bring along my RENT cd and listen to Toay 4 U the whole time, to keep me in a good mood. It never fails. Maybe I'll bring a Johnny picture too, as a little reminder...

Okay well that's my little philisophical lesson for the day. Although I'm in that kind of mood, so you may get more later. Another little episodeon which I must report, because I'm in a complaining mood as well.

I don't have friends that like to call me. No one calls me, except Lonzo sometimes. But no one else thinks of little old Z, sitting by herself at home. That happened today. (Okay, well it happens every day... but here's a story for ya.) I was sposed to spend the night at Molly's (to get away from my brother and his friend) and so she was sposed to call me when she got home. Did she? No. Had other plans, and didn't tell me. (Nor did she know about them till she got home, but that's nothing new either. I know a 4 year old who keeps better track of her schedule) So I call her around 4 and find out about these plans, and... grrr. I'm just tired of it. Can I have a few friends who think about me and invite me to do stuff that acutally works out? I'm just asking for like... I dunno. 3? I guess 1 would be a start. So now you all know...

And in case you can't tell I'm in a kind of pissy, depressed mood right now. Yay! That's always something to celebrate. Anyway. I think I've written enough for you all to take in for now. More later, maybe. *walks away, to no music at all*

RENT

How do you connect in an age where
family
landlords
lovers
Your own bloodcells betray
~*~"RENT" RENT

Title song... Though it's not one of the most memorable songs in the show. Hmmm...

Yeah so I went to sleep about 3:30 last night. Was really tired earlier. Then I went to Molly's and watched Queer Eye and now I'm really hyper. (Just like last night... thata was crazy. but another story for another day.) Tonight's new episode was the BEST EPISODE EVER. OMG. (BTW - you should all check out this blog - it's really funny. http://rentingfame.blogspot.com
Don't ask questions, just try it.

I went to the GSA meeting today. It was very cool. I'm gonna try and sign up for the AIDS walk downtown... Feels like a good cause after seeing RENT. I got to see Mandy! I was happy. It's been a pretty good day, actually. WEEEE!

2 weeks till I'm at the Finding Neverland premiere dinner thingy! YAY!!!! I can't wait I'm so excited it's just one more thing for me to get hyper about and this is a very long sentence but i don't care cause that's what happens when i get hyper plus punctuation takes up space and gets annoying grrrrrrrr.

*DEEP BREATH* wow. okay well I'm going to go and um... I dunno. Not sleep. Maybe do my geometry homework. Nah... I'll get that done eventually. I'm going to... dance. Yep. That'll work. Okay well I'm off, to surround myself in Jai and Johnny, and RENT and "geometry homework" I guess. Squeeeee! (LOL Molly) *dances away singing Jai Jai Johnny Johnny...*

Tune Up #2

BENNY
Ho ho ho

MARK & ROGER
Benny! Shit

BENNY
Dudes, I'm on my way

MARK & ROGER
Great! Fuck
~*~ "Tune Up #2" RENT

I'm just gonna leave that out of context for you, because it's the best that way. I know you're all raising your eyebrows. But that's the idea.

So right now I should be doing homework. I have an experiment to design for biology and a paper to write for English, but it's not as if I really want to do that right now, so I'm not.

Molly's here now, I'm showing off my room and more of my RENT stuff. (Yeah, I spread the disease... anything she's obsessed with is probably my fault... Muwahahahaha! lol. I'm a little hyper tonight. I dunno why.

Tomorrow's the GSA meeting! YAY! I'm happy. After that I'm probably going to Molly's to watch all the Queer Eye I tivoed last week. (my invasion of the TV!) And Wednesday we have early dimissal, so Alonzo and I will go to my house, and then go over to Forest Trail and bother all our old teachers. :)

Yeah so I'm in a good mood. I should do something constructive with that, but... why? Hah. I'm just gonna keep looking at Johnny and Jai pics and listening to RENT. :) Homework can wait.

Voice Mail #1

ROGER & MARK'S OUTGOING MESSAGE
"Speak" ... (BEEP!!!)

MOM
That was a very loud beep
I don't even know if this is working
Mark - Mark are you there
Are you screening your calls
It's mom

We wanted to call and say we love you
And we'll miss you tomorrow
Cindy and the kids are here - send their love
Oh I hope you like the hot plate

Just don't leave it on dear
When you leave the house

Oh and Mark
We're sorry to hear that Maureen dumped you
I say C'est la vie
So let her be a lesbian
There are other fishies in the sea
...Love Mom
~*~"Voice Mail #1" RENT

*Yawn* I'm so tired. I spent about 8 hours in my room today, sweeping, dusting, moving furniture (that's what made me tired), and organising crap (while listening to RENT, of course). My room now looks totally different and I have black and white curtains up. Still working on getting my room painted, along with my dresser and any other furniture my mom will let me paint. Of course, made sure the Johnny picture on the ceiling got moved so that it's still over my bed. :) YAY!

When it's all done, I want everyone to come see it because it will be very cool. My mom says I have a decorative eye. Which I guess I do. But my mom likes to say those things, so who knows if it's really true. You guys tell me what you think.

I don't have time to type up RENT songs for you today, because I am tired and have English homework to do. I know you're all crying now. But I promise more next time I'm on! lol. *dances away to Today 4 U*

Tune Up #1

MARK
December 24th, nine pm
Eastern Standard time
Frome here on it
I shoot without a script

See if anything comes of it
Instead of my old shit

First shot - Roger
Tuning the fender guitar
He hasn't played in a year

ROGER
This won't tune

MARK
So we hear
He's just coming back
From half a year of withdrawal

ROGER
Are you talking to me?

MARK
Not at all

Are you ready? Hold that focus -
Steady
Tell the folks at home what you're doing Roger ...

ROGER
I'm writing one great song --

MARK
The phone rings

ROGER
Saved!

MARK
We screen
Zoom in on the answering machine!
~*~"Tune Up #1" RENT

So those thingys are going to be my fave lines from the songs, in order. The short ones I'll type the whole thing and then be done with them. If they're long songs, I'll type a fave. verse or something and then add the whole song at a later time.

I've been so busy lately it's not even funny. Wednesday was the craziest day, and then yesterday I was all over the place. Didn't sleep much this week. Been living on energy drinks. That's gotta be great for me, I'm sure.

Well I have wonderful news. I went to the orthodontist, and he wrote a note for my dentist to pull one of my front theeth on bottom. As soon as that's done and I have a lovely big space in my teeth, they'll put braces on and start pulling my bottom teeth together. But it's gonna hurt alot, and I'll gonna look like an idiot. YAY! Aren't we all happy for me?

Okay so before I get to my songs for the night, I have a poem for you all. Although if people don't start posting comments, I'm going to shoot you all! No. I just won't post them anymore. And for those of you that don't have blogs of your own, I accept anonymous comments, so you can all post. No excuses! This poem is based on the song 'Halloween' from RENT. (what else?) Oh yeah - it's got bits of 'Your Eyes' in it too.

Cutting Room Floor (Of Memory)
I can't remember entire years
When I laughed
But I remember years ago
All my anguished cries
Those happy days lie on the cutting room floor
Of memory
Except for the day of surprise - when I saw
Your eyes
Forgotten days of my old best friend
When we danced
But I remember when we fought
I was betrayed
Those happy days lay forgotten on the cutting room floor
Of memory
And I remembered the day
I met your gaze
Tell me - tell me please
What will happen when you're gone
Tell me now what I need to do then
When I'm alone
Why am I the witness
And now I'm the victim
Save me - save me please
Before I'm on my own.
--8/25/04

So let me know what you think. Now on to other interesting matters.
Now for some kick ass music. You should all listen to it, but for now just read. I chose to do Goodbye Love another time. Anyway.

Your Eyes
ROGER
Your eyes
As we said our goodbyes
Can't get them out of my mind
And I find I can't hide (from)

Your eyes
The ones that took me by surprise
The night you came into my life
Where there's moonlight
I see your eyes

How's I let you slip away
When I'm longing so to hold you
Now I'd die for one more day
Cause there's something I should have told you

When I looked into your eyes
Why does distance make us wise
You were the song all along
And before the song dies

I should tell you I should tell you
I have always loved you
You can see it in my eyes


Life Support
STEVE
Steve.

ALI
Ali.

PAM
Pam.

SUE
Sue.

ANGEL
Hi. I'm Angel

COLLINS
Tom. Collins

PAUL
I'm Paul. Let's begin.

ALL
There's only us
There's only this --

MARK
Oh sorry, excuse me, oops

PAUL
And you are...?

MARK
Oh - I'm not -
I'm just here to -
I don't have -
I'm here with -
Mark - Mark - I'm Mark

Well this is quite an operation

PAUL
Sit down, Mark
We'll continue the affirmation

ALL
Forget regret or life is yours to miss

GORDON
Excuse me Paul - I'm having a problem with this
This credo -
My T-Cells are low -
I regret that news, okay?

PAUL
Alright
But Gordon, how do you feel today?

GORDON
Okay

PAUL
Is that all?

GORDON
Best I've felt all year

PAUL
Then why choose fear?

GORDON
I'm a New Yorker.
Fear is my life.

Look - I find some of what you teach suspect
Because I'm used to relying on intellect
But I try to open up to what I don't know

GORDON & ROGER
Because reason says I should have died
3 years ago

ALL
No other road
No other way
No day but today

I'll type more in another entry, but I'm gonna rest my fingers for a minutes and give you guys a chance to catch up. (I used lots of colors!)

Contact

Take me
Take me
Today for you
Tomorrow for me
Today me
Tomorrow you
Tomorrow you
Love
You
Love you
Love I love
You I love
You!
Take me
Take me
I love you
~*~ "Contact" RENT

That's a very small part of that song, but it's the only part that can really be put on here... *eyes shifting left to right* Molly knows what I'm talking about. She read the lyrics today while I was at her house. I went to ITC for a while - my brother had an audition for a play (I've been coaching him for the last couple weeks.) - and talked to Etel, who I actually hadn't seen in a month or so. Which was a record, since I'm normally at ITC at least once a week. But anyway. After that, I got home to find no one was at my house. My mom and brother were at the pool, and they still had my bag with them, so I couldn't do my homework, and they had my pool bag with my pass, so I couldn't get into the pool, so I called Molly and went over there for a couple hours. I burned the Rent soundtrack. But I've decided that since the burn is a piece of shit I still have to buy my own copy.

I'm hopefully going over there tomorrow after school so that we can watch all the Queer Eye episodes I Tivo'd. lol. I'm just using Molly for her electronics... jk. hmh.

Okay so I've picked a few more songs to post... Somed day I'll type up the synopsis for you all. I've just got a lot of homework... actually, I still have a load I should be doing right now. lol. I will. Later. So here's some kick ass music for you.

One Song Glory
(Roger)
I'm writing one great song before I...

One song
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind

Find one song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity

One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap colored lights

One song
Before the sun sets
Glory - on another empty life
Time flies - time dies
Glory - one blaze of glory
One blaze of glory - glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame

Find
One song
A song about love
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life

Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies

Damn. I was gonna post more, but I have to go. My mom will be home any minute, and I still have a shitload of homework to do. Reminder to self: "Goodbye Love" tomorrow. *danced away to 'Today 4 u' on the Rent cd*

Will I?

Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
~*~ RENT "Will I?"

I'm going to post a million songs from Rent over the next week or so. On Thursday I went to the library to pick up some stuff I had requested online from other libraries. I got the Rent soundtrack and the libretto. It's an interesting book with all the nerdy behind the scenes stuff that i obsess over. What can I say? That's what I want to do... perform. Well I haven't posted since Wednesday, so I'll get to work. I have so much to type!

Thursday got pissed of at my friend because I was supposed to come over after she did her homework, but then her homework was hard, so she decided to take a break, and not let me know I couldn't come over. That was a ridiculously long sentence. Hmh.

So I wrote poetry.

Friday my dad left for Florida to see his mom. Tuesday's her 80th, and there was a luncheon on Saturday. My mom had to drive him to the airport and my brother went to a friend's house, so I was home alone for 4 hours. I had so much fun. I put my Rent CD in the DVD player and turned on the speakers loud enough so I could hear it anywhere in the house. Then I just danced. I danced like there was no tomorrow. Pretty much for 4 hours straight. I didn't think about anything, I just threw myself into the music and acted completely... free. I just did whatever I felt like, not worrying if anyone would see me, because they wouldn't. I spun around in circles until I fell down, and I jumped on furniture and sung as lound as I could even though I can't sing. It was the greatest time I'd had at home in a long time.

Saturday my mom had her breakfast bee - 3 of her friends come over and they sew. I got to spend 3 hours watching Gabbi, a 4 year old, for no pay, to keep her out of their hair. Gabbi's adorable, but I can only stand so many "mosquito bites" (poking me over and over again). Then after that I went to a fabric store with them to get more fabric for my quilt. I hung out at home for a few hours, and then I babysat Brianna, my youth group leader's daughter, from about 7 to past midnight. That was pretty fun actually. I like Brianna. She's a cool kid. But I got really tired, so I was glad when she left and I could go to sleep.

Today I slept in until about 10, and then did yoga while my brother was sleeping and my mom was at church. I much prefer doing yoga when no one is home, because it's quieter. (I did yoga during my 4 hours on Friday). I've been doing yoga every day pretty much. I think it's helping me feel better. Although that could also be because of the Rent CD. I love that thing. But I digress. Went to FT today to see the new wing that my brother gets. It's not fucking fair. It's so nice. Sam's always the one getting the new stuff... But I did get to see Skocz, so that was cool. Earlier this evening, my mom, Sam, and I went and played tennis for a while, because my mom wanted us to get out of the house for a while. It was actually kind of fun.

Anyway. So now you're all caught up. I'm going to post all the poems I've been writing, plus a Rent song or two. Maybe tonight I'll just give you the synopsis and start songs tomorrow. We'll see.

Fallin Asleep
Tonight I'm fallin asleep to the sound of the rain
And tomorrow will be a new day
Maybe that will be the day

Tonight I'm fallin asleep to the mem'ry of you
I'm thinkin of all the things you've said
Maybe tomorrow you'll hold me forever

Tonight I'm fallin asleep wond'rin where I'll be
This time next week
Maybe something will have changed

Tonight I'm fallin asleep wond'rin what it is you think I truly am
Cause things are not always what they seem
Maybe tomorrow you'll know the truth
--8/18/04

Drive - By
Listening to the music
Dancing in my room
Alone in my room
On stage in front of thousands

My hair in my face
Not thinking about anything
Having fun like there's no tomorrow
Every day of the future

Shedding all insecurities
Can't remember when I felt this good before
Free of thoughts and worries
Completely trapped in my head
--8/19/04

Flashes
Can't help but dance
Gotta get up and dance
The music in my blood
Says don't think
Just go crazy

Don't know what I'm doing
But it's tons of fun
Who know when I'll stand to stop

One more time
Play it agian
I just can't get enough of
Anything anymore

One song
One song
That's all it takes

One song
One song
To stop my heart from breaking
--8/19/04

Working 24/7: Futile
Why is it always me doing all the work?
You never thing of anyhting
Except yourself

I'm always the one playing contact
Friendship shouldn't be so much work
For just me

Who told you that this is how it works?
That you never have to tell me
Anything

What makes you think that I will sit around at home
Whaiting for you to call
Not me

I make the plans and then you go back on your word
All you have to do is follow through but it's too much
Work for you
--8/20/04

Okay I don't have time to explain the story of Rent tonight, because I have to be offline in 15 minutes, so I'm just going to post one song right now. To let you know - this song takes place during a memorial service, and I wanted to post it because it made me cry today, and I was feeling pretty depressed. Not that I want you all to feel depressed. But anyway.

I'll Cover You (Reprise)
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back with 1000 kisses
Be my lover
And I'll cover you

Open your door - I'll be your tenant
Don't got much bagage
To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there - I'll cover you

I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you were, my love, on life

All my life
I've longed to discover
Something as true
As this is

(So with a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
If you're cold and you're lonely
(With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
You've got one nickel only
(With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
When you're worn out and tired
(With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you)
When your heart has expired

525, 600 minutes
525,600 moments so dear
525,600 - measure a year
Oh lover, I'll cover you
Oh lover, I'll cover you
Oh lover

I'll cover you

525,600 minutes
525, 600 seasons of love

I'll cover you

That reprise is kind of a mix of a few songs, but I like it alot. You'll get to see each of them seperately too. Lots of comments please! I really want to know what you all think about my poems and the song. Even if you don't comment on that (grrr) just let me know you're reading. *Dances away, listening to 'Tango: Maureen' from RENT on her CD player*

Sacrafice Theory

Hear one thousand screams. Hear one thousand voices.
A solitary echo.
Feel one thousand pains, but one is receiving a bloody invitation.
Do you want to feel the warmth? To taste the life flow?
Feel one thousand lost sinking into soft skin.
Ingest rejuvenation. One to consume, one to renew.
Demanded invitation.
I offer grace, I offer blood. I offer everything till my heart is crystal clear.
Do you want to feel the warmth? To taste the life?
I want to taste the life to taste the life flow.
~*~AFI " Sacrafice Theory"

That was the song I wanted to post yesterday, but then I got kicked of by my dad. So I shall discuss today that which was meant for yesterday. Perhaps this shall reveal itsef as a mistake. But I must proceed as otherwise known.

Reflecting on sacrafices. We all sacrafice things for people, and sometimes without knowing it, for ourselves, in order to make ourselves more. Sometimes we sacrafice who we are, to be something else that we are not, at first. This may be just a false pretense in the face of society, or it may truly be a change. I know that personally, there is one part of me that hardly anyone know about. It has never ever surfaced yet, except in a dream, but it is lurking there, in my soul, and it is spreading it's virus throughout everything in my being. Perhaps I should not refer to it as a virus though, because it is not a bad thing. It is just something that is hard to come to terms with. I must try to be more open and gain support from my friends.

But who are friends really? When do you know that someone will honestly be around for you? How do you tell that your best friend is someone else that you don't even know anymore? My first best friend died when I was 12. Then I met someone else, and I didn't know her at all, but she reminded me so much of what I had lost that I didn't want to let go. And now I face the fact that I sacraficed her in place of growing up. I never meant to... And now I feel like it's my fault...

I am sacraficing who I am to try and have some friends who will respect me, or rather, someone who is almost me. I know there are people who cannot accept who I truly am. I feel greatly sorrowful about this, but I cannot change myself. I won't sacrafice my free spirit for a tied down body who is friends with lots of other bodies. If everyone was accepted as themselves, the world would be a better place. But morals, politics, religion, and other values rip that away. I can't tell you all the things I know and all the things I hope for. But I can tell you there is so much more...

I've lost so much now, that I regret everyday, and gained things that in the end I realize weren't worth it at all. What can I do to change that? I am powerless, except over myself. And I will not change that. But please, I want to be who I am. And I want you all to know who I am and accept it. Because I don't like hiding in the shadows, playing with fire to light the dark.

The Lost Souls

If you can't stand upon the water I will see you on the ocean floor.
When you blink do you only find the misery between the lines?
Then take my hand and walk with me.
Come to me, your sanctuary, I'll gladly accept the gift that I've been granted.
If you feel fine, then give it just a little time I'm sure you'll contract my disease.
Look what you've done to me now, you've made me perfect.
If you can't stand upon the earth then I will meet you on the other side.
When you blink do you only find the misery weighs down your eyes?
Then take my hand and sleep with me. Take my hand I'll be everything to you.
Take my hand I'll take everything from you. I will seep under your skin.
I will. I will hold onto your heart. I will.
~*~ AFI "The Lost Souls"

Had a full day today. Got out of school at 3:10, caught a ride with Molly, and decided not to go home, because there were going to be 5 little boys at my house. So instead I went along with Molly to her ortho appointment. We worked on our homework in the car, and then I finished all my stuff while she had her appointment.I had like an hour and a half of homework. BLAH. Bio and English.

After I got home I ate dinner (it was almost 6:30). I did yoga. Abs yoga, to be specific, and it was alot of work for a 20 minute session. Ab stuff is always intense. But oh well. Yoga is a good thing that shall make me calm and strong in body, mind, and spirit. If you ever want to join me, just let me know.

I have some interesting things to talk about, but they pertain to another song. So I'm going to post it seperately. You will have a treat and get two songs in one day.

Fade In-Out

Get on the rollercoaster
The fair's in town today
Y'gotta be bad-enough to beat the brave

So get on the helter skelter
Bowl into the fray
Y'gotta be bad-enough to beat the brave

You fade in-out
You fade in-out
Without a doubt
I don't see no shine
Today is just a daydream
Tomorrow we'll be castaway
~*~Oasis "Fade In-Out"

So I had school today. That was just oh-so exciting. Well actually, it was good to see people again. Alonzo I love you! Anyway though. School was okay. My teachers seem interesting, though I don't like bio. Music theatre is really cool. Dornick is awesome and I know already I'll love the class. The first thing we're studying is La Bohem, for our Opera unit. Now, I dont' like opera, but Rent is based on La Bohem so it will be awesome. After that we're studying Rent itself, I think. Woot Woot.

Hey and good news, I just booked another flight to New York! YAY! So I'll get to see Finding Neverland about 2 months early, because they're pushing the release date to Thanksgiving. Hahahahaha! (*singsong voice*)

Okay well now I should probably go to bed. So I'll write again tomorrow about all my exploits after school today, as well and all the things I already know I have planned for tomororw. WOOSH! (in a fluttering way. right.)

Ohm

So I start school in less than 12 hours. Isn't that wonderful?

As for right now, I'm just doing a quick e-mail check and writing something. Aslo talking to Chi and Sarah. Chi hasn't registered yet, so I don't know her classes, but Sarah and I are comparing schedules. It looks like we have geometry and english together. Speaking of which, Molly got her schedule changed and not only does she not have any classes with me, but she has the worst schedule I have ever heard of. As of right now, she has a double social studies period, and later in the day she has more social studies. Then in second semester she gets to have both gym and health. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But I wouldn't wish all honors classes on anyone either, and that's what I got. Yay.

Turns out Becca is never walking to or from school, so maybe I'll mooch rides off her on the way home. I may end up walking some days in the morning though, and that will suck. The walk to Rich East is kind of long. We'll see. I don't wanna walk.

Shit I realized I didn't do my yoga today. I'm gonna go do that now... *flutter* hah. like i'm the fluttering type.

Love Is Good

We came tonight together
The stars have never shone so bright
This is the way it should be
One night for you, you for me
All through the night
~*~ Jai Rodriguez "Love is Good"

I think that's beautiful... I have all the lyrics and I'll probably quote more up here. That's a good start though. There's Oasis lyrics I want to use too. Anyway.

I wrote another poem the other day and I decided I would share it. I never know how obvious my work is, because to me everything seems to scream meaning. But that's because I wrote it. So just let me know what you think.

Spotlight: Reflection
525,600 minutes
525,600 moments that last
Now another year has gone by
Forever in the past

Can't remember the last time I smiled
The way I smile when I look at you
So fill am I with passion
That I don't know what I'll do

I forever choose the impossible
This is no exception to my dream
And to think it all started
Because I heard you scream

I see you and I'm happy
You're a searchlight in the black
I'm coming out of the shadows
And I hope I'm never going back
--8/12/04

That's all I have to share right now. Just the one, but I want to know what you think. Seriously.

Onto other things though. Like the fact that I start school tomorrow. Which is crazy. It's only the middle of August. (Exactly, actually. Today and tomorrow are the exact middle.) Nobody else is starting this early. I vote for a protest!

But on a better note, it is looking like I will most certainly be going to New York in September, missing 3 days of school in the process. That is lovely. If I'm really lucky, I'll get to catch another Broadway show while I'm there.

Pretty soon we're leaving to go downtown for the afternoon and check out Millenium Park. It's a nice day, so I guess that's good. I'd rather stay home though and go for a walk by myself.

I've started doing yoga, for a couple of reasons. I figured it would strengthen my muscles, increase my flexibilty for dance, and keep me in the good state of mind I'm in right now. (Yeah. It's been just over a week now, and I'm still on a high from seeing Rent.) So far it's pretty good. I found 5 tapes and a DVD that overall break up into 7 20 or 30 minute workouts that I can do, once each day of the week. Ohm.

Alrighty well I'm out for now. Want to finish writing something before we head off. WOOSH! No wait. That is not peaceful. I am a soaring butterfly on the wings of a gentle wind... *flutter* I am away.

Don't Go Away

I don't wanna be there when you're...
Coming down
I don't wanna be there when you hit the ground

So don't go away, say what you say
Say that you'll stay... Forever and a day
Cause I need more time, yes I need more time just to make things right
~*~Oasis "Don't Go Away"

I've just discovered Oasis this last week. Leslie introduced me to them. The song before 'Fade Out' has Johnny playing slide guitar. It's a cool song, like Fade Out. I'm on the lookout for the Cd 'Be Here Now'. If you see it, I will love you forever if you get it for me. I'll even pay you back. But onward, not that I'm done begging.

Right now I'm listening to "Love is Good" by Jai. It's a very cool song. (And no, it's not my usual heavy metal. It's acutally kind of pop rock. Which I usually hate.) I'm now going to buy his cd too. If you want to check out what I'm hearing, go to http://www.arriveateleven.com and once it's loaded, click the 4 on the clock (you'll see what I'm talking about.) You can either a.) listen to the Love is Good chorus over and over again b.) listen to clips of 3 singles by clicking music, or c.) listen to the whole song Love is Good by clicking the click here link at the bottom of the page, which will take you to where you can buy his album and preview his single.

Okay well I'm back now, out of my dream, the best week of my life. To the rude awakening of school in 5 days. What the fuck? Who starts school in the middle of August. I do. I should take one of those tickets that say "Admit one: Crazyworld" and staple it to my forhead. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's a thing against drugs and a long story indeed for another day.)

Anyway. I'm not going to write my summer away. But I am going to post some poems I wrote on my trip.

Rent
I see you very clearly
But only flahses in my mind
Like a stuttering video

I still can't believe
You were really so close
Yet so far away

I will never forget that moment
When you looked into my eyes
Nearly causing my to faint

I never knew I could feel this way
Or that this could really happen.
That dreams can really come true.
--8/7/04

Rent Part II
No curtain to draw back
No introductions to make
The lights dim and it begins
I'm sitting here, watching
Famous people I've seen on TV!
But still here I am, no more than 20 feet away
This can't be happening
I can't tear my eyes away
How could I let myself miss anything
It's all too amazing
My adreneline running more than ever before
Than you for being my first
For the best expierence of my life
You're got your hold on me
Please no - don't die - I'm crying
I never knew your talent
Though I loved you just the same
Now I adore you even more
Thank you
--8/7/04

Eccentricity
I love your personality
I love your eyes and your smile
I love who you are
I want you around for a while

I love your attitude
I love that you do it your way
I love your sensitivity
I want you to never go away

I love your mistique
I love the way you hold your ground
I love your passion
I want you to stay around

I love your talent and your craft
I love the expressions on your face
I love your free spirit
I want you to never leave this place
--8/7/04

Crystal
When was it you realized
When did you first see
The same thing that I now know
Is happening to me

The way you have inspired me I never could have known
Everything I've watched
And everything you've shown

[Certain name I will not insert] thank you for everything
You never knew you ddi
I think I may discard the mask
Behind which I once hid
--8/9/04

525,600 Minutes
525,600 minutes of a year
That's how often I think about it
All the time

525,600 minutes
How much time I spend living a lie
All the time

525,600 minutes
How long I live in fear
All the time

525,600 minutes
When I wish I could be me
All the time

525,600 minutes
When you are honestly you
All the time
--8/10/04

Some of them are not that great. The first 2 are obviously about the play and seeing Jai. (Do you all see the beginning symptoms of obsession?) If you don't know whta the 3rd one is, I don't know why you're my friend, because you're either stupid or don't know me. And I'm not going to make a comment on the last 2. Though I will say I wrote the last one today on the plane.

That's all for now. More when there's more.

Remedy

It's all so crazy... Insane.
Finally something taking away all the pain

So I haven't posted in about a week. Well after I tell you all that I've been up to, you won't blame me. Well, maybe you'll say this was more important. But I don't give a damn because I've been having the time of my life. This has been the best week ever. (I should write to VH1 and tell them their show lies!)

Okay well you all know I'm in New York. So I've been trying to enjoy this to the fullest. And I think I have been. I don't know how much better this could have gotten.

The majority of my time has been spent watching Johnny Depp movies. Like there's anything wrong with that. Today we've only watched Pirates so far. We still have to see Once Upon a Time in Mexico and Secret Window, and then we will be finished and made it though all his movies in 5 days. Hahahaha.

Don't get me wrong. This isn't all I've been doing. I promise. Wednesday night Leslie and I played monopoly with my cousins. Thursday all 5 of us played poker. Friday we watched alot of movies and were up late, so no game. But we went swimming in their pool in the afternoon. Saturday was the best day ever, so that I'll talk about seperately. Sunday we watched more movies and went to some Italian place for dinner to celebrate my grandma's 80th birthday, where we met my Grandma (who was in from Florida) and my aunt Claire and uncle Al. That was nice I suppose. Not exciting, but okay.

And I've talked about today. So now I get to tell you about the highlight of my trip, which was Saturday. (Yes I know some of you are falling over in your chairs at hearing all the Johnny wasn't the highlight. Well it was, to a degree, but aside from all that. Anyway.)

I went to my first Broadway show. Leslie and I chose to see "Rent". We had been having a hard time deciding what to go see, and then one night Leslie said "well for the next 2 weeks Jai Rodriguez from' Queer Eye' is going to be in 'Rent'," which immediately scored a million points with me. So that was what we went to see. And Jai was awesome. And after the show we went to the side door and I saw him about 2 feet away from me and I got his autograph. Hahahahahaha I'm delerious with disbelief. I was shaking because I was so excited. I'm still in shock from star struckness. (Making up words!!!) You guys have no idea what a huge thing this was for me. I still can't stop thinking about it. The only thing that takes my mind away is Johnny movies. But the rest of the time that's all I can think about. I'm sure that's all I'll think of all the way home on the plane tomorrow. I mean, it was so surreal for me...

Okay well I'll gush to myself now. I just had to get that out there... It's been swimming in my mind since Saturday.

Can you guys tell I haven't been depressed just about this whole time? I'm afraid of what will happen when I come back home...

Nights of Mutiny

I'm so tired. I've not been sleeping well and tonight I'm up late to finish packing. (I know, with all the counting down I've been doing, you'd think I would have packed a week ago. But not.)

Actually, I think I'm about done, I'm just waiting till it's early enough for me to print my boardnig pass online. (i.e. midnight) I tried putting some caffine in my system (via Sierra Mist) but it didn't really help.

Haven't eaten much decent food today. I had 2/3 of a turkey sandwich for breakfast, the rest of the sandwich and a 1/4 of a plum for lunch (plus a cold piece of pizza), and a muffin for dinner. Oh and throw in lots of water, a can of Sierra Mist, a brownie (trying to get a sugar high this evening), and the crumbs from a bag of chex mix. YAY!

This is what I call the orthodontics diet. Here's the guidelines.

1. Lasts: 1-8 days
2. Well how the hell do I know how long then? : The diet is over when your teeth stop hurting.
3. When should I start?: The day of your ortho appointment.
4. What do I eat?: Hardly anything. Only things that can be tiny pieces to chew in the back of your mouth, if you can handle that, or just liquids.
5. How do I get energy?: Hah. Beats me. If you wanna chug red bull go ahead. But mostly you'll just be tired, because an empty stomach and aching teeth will keep you up at night, so you have no nutrition and no rest. ( = no energy)

Doesn't that sound fun? Tell me about it. Okay well almost time to print, so must dash. Not that I can move that fast. Ever.

Bloody Valentine

Oh my love, please don't cry
I'll wash my bloody hands and we'll start a new life
I don't know much at all, I don't know wrong from right
All I know is that I love you tonight.
~*~Good Charlotte "Bloody Valentine"

Not much to say... Have to go register for school tomorrow and take my yearbook picture. That meant an arguement about what I was going to wear... (between me and my mother.)

Well not to be random, but I have to go to the orthodontist tomorrow and that really sucks. I don't wanna. But I do have a wire sticking out in back that I should have fixed. The thing is he may put on my bottom brackets and that really could suck because it would put me in a crappy mood for the whole time I'm in New York. (I leave in less than 48 hours!)

Hopefully will rent Ned Kelley tomorrow, and watch it while I'm packing (because I am a master multitasker. as well as rhymer.). Lots of Heath Ledger and Orlando Bloomness.

Better go to "sleep" early appointment. (i.e. 8:15)